The Spoiler

One of my co-workers recently challenged me to "Google" myself. I first despised the thought, but in my ignorance was talked into this silly venture. And I kid you not, this is the first thing that popped up:

Stephanie Brown is the daughter of the Cluemaster, one of Gotham City's third-rate criminals. Stephanie's father spent most of her childhood in jail or away from the family, and though he claimed to be rehabilitated upon his return to Gotham, Stephanie was furious to discover that he was actually returning to crime without his need to leave clues behind. She decided something needed to be done.


Stephanie tailored a costume for herself, and called herself the Spoiler. She knew where her father was hiding out, found out his plans, and left clues so that the police and Batman could stop him. Robin tracked her down, and she joined in on the capturing of Cluemaster.

Each time Cluemaster would escape or start some new plan, Stephanie would don her costume again. Eventually, she decided she liked being a hero, and began regular patrols as Spoiler. This also brought her into regular contact with Robin, on whom she had a bit of a crush. The two worked as sometimes partners for a time, but eventually, romance blossomed.

That's right, a comic book character. The little kid, the feminist and the crime-fighter in me really loves that this is what popped up when I "Googled" my name. :)

Turtles Pt 2

I had the opportunity to watch a baby turtle make it's insurmountable climb to the top of a log the other day. I sat there and watched this thing for a good 30 minutes, easily. At first the turtle just kind of swam up to the log and contemplated the work it would take to climb it, and would sit there for a while. Then it would put one claw on the bottom of the log, and then when it felt secure it would put the other claw up...one by one until all four claws were attached to this log.

And then he began to climb. It was hilarious. He would put one claw forward, and pull himself a little, and then another. And then much to his chagrin, he would fall back into the water. Yet he would get back up and try again. One claw and then the other. He would make a little progress upwards, and then slide a little. A little more progress and then fall a little again, each time digging his claws in deeper and deeper...until he finally summited the log to lay with the rest of his friends.

I think the process of our sanctification looks much like that turtle's journey up that log. I think sometimes, as humans, and especially as Americans, we are always hurrying forward as fast we can. We want to know what we can do to get to the top as quickly as possible. We will do whatever it takes. We get frustrated when we fail and we fall back. I know I am personally overcome with guilt at times that I fail, and I am disappointed with myself that I should have known better. Because I can't do it well, and I can't do it fast, sometimes I want to give up. But sometimes falling in the water is part of our progress.

But as I watched that turtle, I heard God tell me that this is what my life will look like. A slow, sometimes painful climb to the top. God will change me, He will make me look more and more like Jesus everyday. Some days, when I am discouraged, or afraid or sad, humiliated or a really big sinner...I will just have to sink my claws deep into the log of life and keep going because I know that He has purposed it. Some days I will feel the weight of success and will be glad. But I probably won't see the progress each day. I'm pretty sure I will see the failures of each day. I usually see my daily failures at the expense of ignoring my daily successes, and that is something I want to work on. But with success, more than likely, one day I will wake up and think...when did I get so much closer to the top?

Sometimes those seasons of pain or sadness will be longer than I want them to be. Sometimes those seasons of joy will have me feeling so high, I will think life couldn't be better. But in any season, I know that God is there, He is holding me up and helping me forward...until the day that I will be united with My King. Until then, God's creations is painfully groaning and awaiting the time when we will no longer flounder around in the stream of life, but will make it to the top of that log and praise Him forever for bringing us there.

So today, don't focus on the failures. Forgive yourself, as God forgave you...and try to think of one success today so that you can remember it for tomorrow.

Turtles on a Log

I went for a run at town lake yesterday. I love running down there. Sometimes I think if I can just keep running for the entire loop, that I can keep running forward in life, too. (Obviously I'm not much of a runner, or that task wouldn't seem to big for me). But mostly I love running at town lake because I get to encounter God.

Sometimes I find myself tremendously frustrated at not being able to see God. The One thing I find all satisfaction and joy in, the One who loves me and holds me as a child, and who holds all things together, who grieves with me and who rejoices with me, the One who made a way for me....God is so majestic, and yet I can't seem Him. Does that resonate with anyone else? I can't physically interact with my greatest satisfaction which sometimes still leaves me feeling like He is far away.

But when I am running, and surrounded by God's beautiful creation, I can see a little piece of Him. I can see the creativity of an ENORMOUSLY CREATIVE GOD. I can see the creation that He worked out with such painful detail. Lately, I can find joy in the beautiful breeze and sunshine, and a little piece of me lights up inside. And somehow, that makes me feel closer to Him.

As I was winding down my fun, I stopped to admire a row of turtles sun bathing on a log in a side stream. I was kind of laughing to myself while I sat there and watched them just hang out. I saw two of them start to claw at one another. I'm not sure if they were playing or arguing, but once one was mauled by a claw, it would retract it's head into the shell, and disappear. A few minutes later, it would reemerge and claw at the turtle that had clawed him to begin with, and then retreat again for fear of retaliation.

I started thinking to myself that (even though turtles are a much simpler being than humans) turtles are a reflection of the way we react sometimes. Someone hurts us...says something rude and inappropriate, or breaks our heart, or cuts into our pride, condemns us...and we automatically retreat. We crawl into ourselves and refuse to let that person "harm" us again. Sometimes this happens after one offense, sometimes after repeated offenses, but our reaction is the same: to retreat. And usually the people that hurt us the deepest are those who are closest. It makes sense, those closest to us know our deepest vulnerabilities and struggles. Sometimes relationships get ugly. And by retreating we miss something bigger than the hurt we just experienced. We also miss the joys and blessings we could be having in that relationship, if we would just reconcile. We miss depending on God to bring healing and restoration.

No thanks God, I just don't want to be hurt again. I've had enough, not going through that again. So and so offended me...deeply...repeatedly. We retreat and so separate ourselves from God...and from friends. We are left alone to work out our hurt, or maybe to let it grow and foster bitterness. It's so much easier that way, isn't it? To be left to ourselves? IT takes so much more work to reconcile and flesh out emotions and hurts...and it usually gets worse before it gets better.

I am such a prideful person, and usually want to react the first way. To close up, and to shut out people who hurt me. But Jesus says in Matthew 18:21 that we are to forgive each other as many times as we need to be forgiven. Colossians 3:13 says forgive whatever grievances we have with each other, as the Lord forgave us. And above all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. This takes work for me. I don't think there will be a time in life when I won't struggle with needing to forgive someone at the expense of destroying my own pride.

But, I have also seen the Lord bring unparalleled reconciliation to some relationships in my own life, and that is a beautiful thing. Because I know that He restored my relationships because of His great love for me (and my friends). And it is what He has done, because I know that Stephanie is not capable of that kind of healing. He loves us so much, and wants us to love each other so much, that He can bring healing to us and to those we love, so that we may continue to love and serve each other in a way that glorifies His name.

I pray that if there is someone you need to be reconciled with today, that you would make the first step towards them in love, the kind of love that Christ offers us. I pray that He brings that kind of healing and restoration to your relationships, so that at the end of the day (like the turtles), we can all sit on the log together and bask in the light of a Savior that is gracious and good.

Christ's Suffering According to Luke

On my yahoo mail page this morning sprawled a huge "advertisement" for Easter. In the add was a picture of a group of bright, multi-colored chicks, which I frankly find pathetic. I don't particularly think of myself as an animal rights activist, but dyeing a bunch of small chickens for the sake of advertisement sort of makes me sick to my stomach. I don't even know what they were selling, to be quite honest. All I could think about is how so often, even as Christians, we miss the true meaning of Easter. It has never been and never will be, about brightly colored chickens, or eggs or even a bunny. Why do we as Americans have to have everything "marketed" to us so that we will find it appealing?

The cross is not appealing. Isaiah 53:2- "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." Nor does Jesus try to market His gospel or make it palatable for us to accept Him.

It is only to those whom God has revealed that we see the true beauty and glory of the cross. I was re-reading the gospel accounts of Jesus last days this week, and I was particularly struck with Luke's account. For His account is the only one that mentions Jesus sweating blood on the Mount of Olives. Luke was a physician and as such may have had a natural curiosity regarding that physiological process which could produce this kind of response. He also would have been a careful observer. But as I read, I also noted that His gospel focuses primarily on relationships and character, and he went through painstaking measures to seek out eye witness accounts of Jesus' life. Jesus character of obedience might be revealed as closely here as in any other gospel.

Luke 22:44
"And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

One of the Austin Stone's devotionals for this week discusses the medical condition, called hematohidrosis, in which one is so overcome by mental anxiety and stress that the blood vessels surrounding the sweat glands burst and produce drops of blood. But that is not what I want to discuss. What I want to discuss is what caused such a response in My King in those last days of His life?

Surely as God, he foreknew the physical agony He was about to endure in His human body. He knew the exhaustion, the beatings, the dehydration, the pain from nails piercing His nerves in His hand and feet on the cross, the physical shock that He would endure from experiencing such raw pain. This would have been the worst possible method of capital punishment at the time. But as Jesus is crying out to God, (vs42)" Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but your will be done," I have a hard time believing that He is envisioning the physical pain He would endure.

For far more than the physical pain, He was divinely aware of the spiritual pain He was about to encounter. His purpose on this earth, that He has known all along, was to bear the sins of the world-past, present and future. Not only would He bear the guilt and shame of all peoples, He would also bear the ultimate outpouring of God's wrath. His Father, in this moment would not save Him but allow Him to experience, a hell of sorts, for all lost sinners. I think this is what caused Him such anguish that his sweat fell like drops of blood. For the pain and suffering of God's wrath is greater than any physical pain we could experience on this earth, for pain on this earth is only physical and temporary. But the pain of a soul's separation from God is internal and eternal.

But because of God's faithfulness, Christ was crucified, RESURRECTED and raised to God's right hand. Jesus (Isaiah 53:7) "was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." He WILLINGLY and OBEDIENTLY suffered that kind of pain, so that we might be reconciled to God and have LIFE! He endured the suffering of God's wrath, so that you and I might not have to.

Friends, if that does not bring you to your KNEES today, that should make you weep (mourn and wail). For no one can comprehend the depth of the cross unless they first realize how much they have to be forgiven. The love of the cross is derived from a heart that understands it's personal responsibility for what sent Jesus to such a painful end.

Isaiah 53:12
"Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with transgressors. For he bore the sins of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

A Walk Home

I have always envied those people whose blogs are wreaking of sharp wit and intelligence. One of my friends in particular, (whose name I will not mention because I am not sure if she would approve) always writes with such a perfect balance of wit and humor that I never leave without a good belly laugh.

But I have now resigned myself to the fact that I am not one of those people. It's something about the way my friend sees the world, through the lenses of pessimism and satire. Now, please do not perceive me wrong. I am perfectly happy with my own lenses, but sometimes I wish I could put hers on for a short while.

I do not write those blogs because the world does not inspire me in the same way. It frequently succeeds at amusing me, but it doesn't influence me to put my thoughts down for public observation. The one thing that quickens that same response in my heart is Jesus. Let me share with you.

Just a few days ago, I dropped my car off at the local Firestone Station to get some badly needed new tires. The lovely gentleman at the counter informed me that it might be a few hours before it was done, so I decided to leave it there and told him I would return. The Firestone being all of 5 or 6 blocks to my house, I started to make my way back there on foot. It was a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky, magnificently bright sunshine, and a cool breeze. I also happened to have my new IPOD in my purse which I clothed myself with for the walk home. I felt like this day was God's special gift to me, even though I am well aware that all were free to enjoy it the same as I.

My IPOD was sporting Hillsong's new album, Savior King. If you haven't heard it, you should listen to it and if you don't have it, you should get it. Anyways, as I was listening my heart was filled with praise at the awesomeness of our God and I suddenly wanted to throw my hands up in the air! Psalm 119:48 I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees.

Then I remembered that I was in public, and began to be a little fearful of how crazy people might think I was if i just started lifting up my hands. Then I began to argue with myself, why should it matter? Who cares if anyone passes any judgement on me lifting up my hands? Maybe me lifting up my hands might cause someone to ask me what compelled me to do so? Although I seriously doubted anyone would give any thought to me at all, and if they did they would just pass me off as one more crazy...I was still nervous about the act. But as the music grew more and more in my mind, and arousing my heart to sing of the One Holy God...I did it. I threw my hands into the air and sang to the sky for about two blocks, boasting the praises of my Savior and my King. No one bothered to ask me, by the way, why in the world I was conducting myself in such a way, although many passed me.

And in that moment, I felt so FREE! I realized that even in this one simple act, it does not matter what the world thinks of me. And it doesn't matter what I think of it. What matters, is that I serve a Sovereign God and I have the freedom to praise him anytime and anywhere I choose (at least in this country). I hope that in bigger ways, I will be able to realize that the world is not my judge, and I'm glad they're not. Because if they were, I might be ridiculed in a moment like this, but I found happiness in knowing that God was delighting in His child's praises.

Thankful for Christ

On this Christmas Day, I conclude my study of the Old Testament Tabernacle. What I once thought was boring and useless detailed information about the building of a tent is now a revelation of a Hope that has come!

Through every minute detail of the tabernacle, the coming of Christ is revealed to Israel. From the articles in the tent, to the color and type of fabrics used...Christ is the fulfillment of this earthly tabernacle. At it's completion, the glory of the Lord fills the tabernacle in a cloud:

Exodus 40:35 Moses could not enter the Tent of Meeting because the cloud had settled upon it, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle.

Finally, the Israelites had a place on this earth where the Lord resided! But today, as I completed this reading, my heart felt sad for the Israelites. They merely had a place where the Lord resided, but where few could go and actually commune with Him. After all of their hard work and obedience, they still did not obtain complete fulfillment. The needed a high priest to communicate with God.

Today, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to experience that complete fulfillment, because God sent Christ to indwell me. John 1:14 says, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us." That word dwell literally translates into tabernacled. Christ was sent to tabernacle among us. He is the High Priest that intercedes for me at God's right hand. God placed Himself into me, that I might daily commune with Him!

How often do I take this for granted? Daily. But today, as I celebrate the true miracle of what God has done, I am thankful for:

1) Christ was offered as the ultimate sacrifice for me
2) I have the ability to commune with God freely, that is His gift to me
3) That in my country, I am able to worship freely and passionately
4) That Christ has lifted me out of the slimy pit and the mud and the mire and set my feet on Him as my rock and a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2)
5) That although I fall painfully short of living the life Christ has called me to, He continues to pick me up and perfect me. Thank you for making me Holy!
6) God continues to bless me with more than I deserve...friends, joy, family, righteousness, holiness, opportunity, love.
7) His presence. Nothing compares to simply being in His presence, and I want everyone in the world to know that He is IT! Jesus is all you need.

Of course, I should be thankful for these things every day. But some days I get caught up in day to day life, and I take them for granted. I am thankful that today, I can sit quietly and reflect on what a truly AWESOME God we serve. As you read this, take the time to ask the Lord's presence to wash over you, ask Him to come to you and reveal to you the wonder, and fulfillment of Christ!

Zambian Praise

For ANYONE who would love to be blessed by beautiful music!