Monday, April 27, 2009

Willy Wonka

I love watching Noah grow in independence. As the big two and a half year old now, He can most certainly do "almost anything" by himself. Tonight, he wanted me to watch WIlly Wonka with him (he LOVES Willy Wonka). And so do I, so it works least until 24 came on.

Uh hem, anyways. It was very humorous. He would be thrilled, squealing, delighted one minute and the next, something in the movie would make him afraid. He would instantly run and plop himself in my lap. Yes, plop. Sometimes he would just sit, other times he would lean back and relax on me (making it difficult to breathe, I might add-even though he doesn't weigh that much) and other times he would nestle his head in my neck and just lie there. And yet other times he would pretend as if he were not really scared and just kind of sit next to me with his hand on my leg. At that moment, I thought that there was nothing so precious as a cute, sweet little boy running to me for refuge. Truly, made my whole day, and I was already having a pretty good one.

I am so in love with that kid!

Monday, April 20, 2009


Quote of the day:

"Happiness. Who needs the real thing when you can have it in a pill?"



My Prayer for Today:

Lord, I don't know how to pray for your will right now, but I want it give me the strength.

This is one heart that is so grateful to be redeemed.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

How Mission Exposes Our Heart

I just listened to an incredible sermon by Matt Chandler on how living on mission exposes the true state of our hearts and the things that we value. It was really crazy great. I have noticed this take shape in my own life over the years as I have learned to love and have a relationship with Jesus.

The more areas of my heart that I submit to God, and the more He uses me in my everyday spaces, the more I realize that I am like the Israelites of the old testament who groaned and complained about what they didn't have, rather than what they did. The Israelites that rebelled against God and chose to consume their time with things other than communing and meeting with the God that sought them. It's ugly, and it's taken away a little of that light-hearted happiness that used to characterize me, but I have been filled with far greater joy in my inner spirit. I feel more secure in my own salvation, not because of any works of my own, but because I know that my God is mighty to save and He made the perfect Way for me to come to Him.

But these deeper things will never be revealed to you while your sitting on the sidelines, waiting to get in the game. Those who consider themselves "religious" will never be led to true satisfaction, because their eyes are masked. They can't quite reconcile the cross with who they are, or were created to be. I can only say this because I have been there.

But I've also taken another Way, and know that much more is in store for me as I walk this road. It's a road with Jesus. My God who has become my Everything, and the pursuit of my life. But I never figured that out before I got in the game, and started living every part of my life for Him. And when you live for Him, you live for His people....every one whom He created. And that's hard. I need more than myself and every bit of love that I can muster up to do that most days. I literally could not do any of this life without Jesus. It's not everything I thought it would be, but the person He makes me is so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Alot of my thoughts feel blurred today, like I haven't quite reached the point of what I wanted to say. I feel that way almost every day. But to me, that's the mystery of Jesus. I will never gain full understanding until I am with Him in glory. And even now, what I do love and understand and yearn for of Jesus is not anything I have achieved in my own strength, but a reward from Him. And I don't understand it, but I love that I don't understand it. I love that I will spend the rest of my life trying, and I still won't quite get it. I'm so thankful that it's not about me, for Jesus says,

"Stop grumbling among yourselves, no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and i will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.'"

The sermon is podcasted from The Village as The Great Cause: The Call to Mission. Check it out.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I need to write! I mean, do you ever just have so much in you, you just can't get it to come OUT? That's where I am right now, sitting on the front porch swing. And I need to rejoice ALOT, sing ALOT, dance some. Because there have been alot of really hard things for me over the last couple of years. And sometimes I just need to REJOICE in the times where the Lord brings refreshing. And the peace and refreshing He has brought me into the last few days is oh so sweet, sweeter than I could have ever imagined for myself.

Christ in me, the hope of glory!
Be my everything!

And that's how near He has been to me recently. I know He's God, and so technically He's always near. But I mean the times when I can FEEL His manifest Presence. I am consumed. I am so full that no words or song or dance could express what is in my heart. Consumed I tell you. And you know what? Jesus? He LOVES it. He has been my breath, my thoughts, my sleeping and waking, my hope, my heart, my joy, my Life, my tears, my smiles. He is IT!

I feel like a weight has fallen off.
My heart feels free.
And my spirit is restless for more of Jesus.

I feel like this thing that is rolling forward in my heart cannot be stopped. This passion, this consuming love and peace, nothing can hinder it. I am alive to live for Jesus. He gave everything for me. I am free to live, free to give, free to be. Free to love Jesus all I want, and all I can take. And be made complete.

And I know that these things are always true. But sometimes I get in the way of them. Or sometimes my reactions to other people get in the way. Lots of things get in the way. And I know the days will come again soon, where I will feel helpless and broken. Sad and desperate for this emptiness in me to be filled. Longing for HIs Presence to be so close to me again. ANd I will be crying again in the arms of my Jesus. For I know that nothing here on this earth will ever satisfy, and I will fight this emptiness for the rest of my time here. But Jesus will never fail me in my time on this earth. When I am broken, I am comforted and strengthened. I am desperate. And there is no better way to be than desperate in the presence of Jesus.

I hope that when those times return, I will cling to Jesus and remember how sweet it is to walk with Him through everything, and the reward that comes when I do. I pray that future times of refreshing will be sweeter than the one I am in now, and that I would trust Him more in the next trial than I do right now.

But right now, I am full. So full. So full I'm going to burst.

Luke 19:39-41

39Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples!"

40"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

41As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it

I Wish I Had Written These Lyrics

I am stealing these lyrics, I repeat...I am stealing these lyrics. I wish I had written them myself, but for now they will have to speak for me so much of what God has been producing in me recently.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For your Presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could you take me beyond?
Could you carry me through?
If I open my heart,
Could I go there with you?

For I've been there before,
But I know there's still more.
Oh Lord, I NEED to know you.

What do I have, if I don't have you Jesus?
What in this life could mean anymore?

You are my....Rock
You are my....Glory
You are....the lifter of my head

Take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for your glory
In everything i say and do
Let my life honor you
Here I am
Living for your glory

Seek ye first the kingdom
Seek ye first the kingdom of my Lord

This world is not enough for me;
This world is not enough for me;
You can take the world, just give me You...
Just give me You
All I have is You
All I want is You

Could you imagine a better love story? I am so thankful that I have a Lover so great. Who loves me deeply, perfectly, and just as I am. In His presence I know that no matter where I am in my walk, I have been made perfectly. Not on this earth, but I am the image of perfect, and in His presence I can rest in my imperfections because He loves me exactly where I am...right now...without stipulation. I'm not under a microscope, no one is watching me, I don't care how I've messed up that day. I'm not condemning myself for the wrong things I said or the wrong actions I took. I'm just resting. Knowing, that the image I was made in will one day be fulfilled in Glory. But not by my own perfection, by the blood of Jesus. I can't wait to see Him face to face. When the perfection I long to be a part of will be made complete.

I never fail to be amazed by the fact that God created me for Him, to boast His glory. He created me FOR Him, to manifest His glory. And while He uses me as a light to the world, my soul is so beyond satisfied. I know I am delighted in, extravagantly. The one thing every little girl dreams of. I am Loved! My Jesus is rejoicing over me! He SINGS over me! Oh Jesus, I love you. I can't wait till you come for me again.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


One of my most favorite verses recently has been Acts 3:19.

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."

And I am so thankful for those times of refreshing, but I am so tired of needing them so frequently. I am so tired of doing what I do not want to do and not doing what I want to do, as Paul says. Every day, I enter this constant battle. I literally feel pain in my heart when I sin and do not focus on what Christ has given me to do right now. But often, I still choose not to do it. Often my thoughts, heart and affections turn to all of the things I really want in my life, and if I'm not careful, they can consume me.

Romans 7:21-23
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

So, this is the life of a lover of Christ. How do we ever do it? So many times, I try to live this life in my own strength, and I realize it more and more every day. Every day that the Lord reveals more of myself to me, I am forced to the same conclusion as Paul, "What a wretched man I am!" But today, as I take an escape from life, and from the world, and sit with Jesus, I am reminded.

Jesus=the one who saves, because Jesus was sent to save us from our sins. Because I was an enemy of God, and there was nothing I could do in my own power or strength to get to God.

What I noticed in Acts chapter 3 that I had never fully understood before was this:

In the beginning, John and Peter give a crippled beggar the gift of Jesus and the man is instantly healed. The bible says, "the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk and jump and praise God." As they walked through the temple, called Beautiful, all of the people were astonished and came running to them. Peter addresses the crowd,

"Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

Why does it seem like the longer I walk with Christ, the more I try in my own strength to heal myself? I thought it was supposed to go the other way. When Jesus first found me, my faith was so simple and easy. Why now do I try to make it so complicated? But, I realize now that God doesn't want our faith to be simple and easy.

Nope, what He wants more than anything else in the world is for me to need Him, every day, in every thought, action or word. He wants me right there, with Him. And when I let Him, He is glorified. When God does the work, it's really not about me at all, although He is growing me in Christ-likeness and preparing me for His will.

And now, I have more of an appreciation for Acts 3:19 than I did before. Jesus words are clear....REPENT! Stop trying to be in control, stop seeking other lovers. Be deeply grieved when you do, for when I repent and turn to God, it is He that wipes away my sins. It is the Lord that brings the times of refreshing. I can't do any of it on my own, but the sweetness I find at the end of the road that Jesus' leads is like honey to my soul.

Only Jesus can bring complete healing.
Only Jesus can refresh my soul, and make me whole.
Only Jesus...

May this Easter be a time that we all reflect on Christ and who He is.