Dropping Expectations

4am. Roosters crowing. Quiet breeze on the veranda. We awake to the alarm clock, quickly jump up, shower and gather all of our luggage together. Make our PB&J for the long road trip ahead.

Up until this point, we knew few details about our trip. The remainder of our team had not shown up until 3 am, after we were already asleep. They got a blissful 45 minutes of sleep before they were up again. Downstairs, the YWAM Dominican leaders were trying to sort out three different teams. After alot of confusion, we were instructed that our team was headed to St. Mark, a city approximately 2 hours outside of Port au Prince (PAP) where a large group of refugees were being sent and a hospital had been established. However, all of our medical supplies had been packed specifically for Port au Prince, and we all had a strong desire to go there.

A little hesitantly, our entire team (including our leaders Jillian and Bonnie) climbed on the bus to St. Mark. This was our first reminder about who was really in control of the situation. We had signed up to serve the Lord, and He wanted us to know that we were here for His plans and purposes and not our own. A little disappointed, but with renewed purpose we were off.

Praise God, we did have an air conditioned bus! However, it was clear this was not going to be a comfortable bus ride as all of the seats were full except for two. We were packed like sardines.

The bus ride could be described somewhere between comical, frustrating and nauseating. At once, bumping and flying 100 km/hr down the road. The next, coming to a complete halt so we don't bottom out the bus and the luggage trailer in a small vehicle sized pothole. More than one team member felt a little queezy. After the first three hours, witness our first bathroom stop.

With 30+ people on board, bathroom stops can take quite a long time. So I begin to make conversation with our Haitian bus driver, Mackenzie. He tells me about his wife, his family, his life. And then...our conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Approximately how long do you think until we reach the border?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "How long do you think until we reach Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "Aren't you from right outside Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "Yes."

Me: "But you don't know how long it takes to get there?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know, I've never driven there before.

After multiple stops to ask directions to Jimani (near the border), headed down a dirt road only to turn around and retrace our steps, several near death experiences with motorcycles and a few more bathroom stops, we FINALLY made it to the border. Needless to say, everyone's patience was wearing a little thin. I, however, just had to laugh.

Driving on a bus in a third world country was everything I remembered it to be, and it brought back great memories. It also made me realize another thing, this was such a good lesson for all of us. God says that His ways our not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He had seen every leg of our journey and none of this surprised Him.

Americans are such an organized, goal oriented, efficient society primarily concerned with results and instant gratification. And I have to wonder, is God as cared about our efficiency, organization and goal setting as we are? Or is He more concerned about the process and what He wants to show us in that? Without all of these cultural lenses to look through, I felt free and clear of any expectation, and it was good! I'm not suggesting that God does not want us to have expectations, but He wants us to have His expectations, not our own. And although I felt very hot and little on edge, I smiled to myself as I realized that God has so much more in store for me than I allow Him to give me because I refuse to lay down my own expectations.