A Visit to the Police Station

Saturday I was invited to go out on one of the mobile clinics are team was hosting. Mobile clinics are where we get to take limited healthcare to all of the people who are living in tent cities in Port au Prince. In extreme cases, we found those who were in critical condition and transported them to the hospital. I wasn't sure if this was something I really wanted to do, but by this time I was ready to get outside the four wall of the orphanage and see the city. Also, God had already showed me that He was going to work the way He wanted to so I went out.

We drove through the traffic packed little streets of PAP down to the police station. Aside from this being the first time I had really gotten out to see the city, the smell as we neared the police station grew more and more putrid. The number of Haitians living in sheet tents on the sidewalks without any sign of designated sanitation was overwhelming. The police station is located in the heart of the city, directly across from the palace. We were required to stop here first to pick up Haitian police officers that would travel with us and ensure our safety in case any chaos broke out.

Although the police station had been badly effected by the earthquake, it was still being used as a major headquarters. Not only were the policemen still being housed there, but the major clinic in town was set up on the lower floor, as well as a mini operating room where wound debriding and minor surgeries took place. All of the doctors and nurses that were serving there slept in tents on the roof. It was quite a sight. Within 10 feet of where I was standing, I could hear about 10 different languages being spoken. Literally, people from all over the world were pitching in to serve the Haitian people. This brought me so much hope, and I closed my eyes as I received a small picture of what Heaven will be like one day. Then the realization hit me that heaven is still so abstract and I really can't imagine what it will be like, but I do know that all nations will be represented.

As I mentioned earlier, any expectation of efficiency or speed had to flee. It was clear we were going to be waiting around at the police station for a while as the people in charge tried to figure out which police officers could go out with us. And did I mention it was extremely hot? I hiked up to the roof of the police station, from which you could see most of downtown. The devastation was kind of overwhelming, and I tried to take it all in, trying to sense what God wanted to do and what He wanted to show me in all of this. Surely, it would be difficult to be a blessing (and I felt compelled to be a blessing) if I found myself in a hopeless, desperate state. And God was faithful.

As I looked over the ruins of the city, I did not feel devastated or hopeless but God began to speak to me the love that He had for His people, and the plans that He had to rebuild and restore His people. And I began to experience the power that God pours out on His people. The power and authority that He gives His children to go confidently into battle, claiming His promises and sovereignty over this nation.

After a long while of standing in the hot sun, we were assigned two police officers to go with us on our mobile clinic. It was 10:00 am. We had until 12:00 pm to return the policemen to headquarters because today was their payday. I found out that even on some pay days, they were not always promised to receive their check but they still had to show up in person if they stood a chance of getting paid in order to take care of their families. That gave us about an hour and a half to put on clinic. Whew!

P.S. The brown tents you see in the picture were sent by the Sudanese, and the inside of the tents were covered with the most beautiful green and red patterned material you have ever seen! And because they are familiar with heat and elevated temperatures, the tents were very protective in nature and provided a little respite from the elements!

2 Corinthians 9:8
God is able to make all GRACE abound to you, so that in all THINGS at all TIMES, having all that you NEED, you will abound in every good work.

Haiti Day #3

It is very unlike me to not find out someone's name whom I have encouraged, and yet this is what happened on day #3 in Haiti. I am extremely relational and normally something like this drives me crazy. But God brought me a special opportunity on this day. If I haven't already mentioned this, I have a huge heart for families and children, but especially moms and children. It is what drew me to labor and delivery and it is the reason I am now and OB/GYN nurse.

So on this particular day, God gave me a special opportunity. The first day that I was at the clinic God gave me a vision to see all the kids outside enjoying fresh air and sun and playing, even if they couldn't get out of their bed. So we transferred all of the kiddos to little cots that we had available and took them outside as well as provided them with coloring books, barbies, my little ponies, toy cars and games to stimulate their minds to healing, dreaming and creativity.

On this day, I was walking around watching all of the kids play and occasionally stopping to play with them. As I walked past this mother holding her baby, she stopped me to ask me about an infection that he had. It became apparent very quickly that she was concerned about a raw area that the baby had developed on his genital area. God told me that this mother was very worried that she had either done something to affect this or that she had neglected him in some way. So I asked her if this was true, and she admitted tearfully that it was. She began weeping and weeping. I assured her over and over that she was a good mom (and she was a very good mom, very attentive to her baby). That he was a baby and that sometimes they develop infections. We had medicine that we would give her to treat him and he would be better in no time.

I then began to tell her that God was watching over her baby, we talked through Psalm 139 together. I asked her if she believed what the Bible said was true and she answered yes. She was still weeping. I assured her that her baby having an infection was not God's punishment to her. We then read through the story of the bleeding woman and discussed how it reflects God's nearness to us, His care for His children and His power that He pours out on us.

Through some discussion, she began to describe in detail to me a dream that she had about a year ago where a man in white appeared to her. He told her in the dream that she was chosen to go and be a witness for Him. She was a regular church attender and so had heard about Jesus frequently. The misunderstanding that many Haitians hold is that God is real, but very abstract and very far away, that He cannot really be known.

So, asked her what she thought the dream meant, She thinks it was God. What do you think God was trying to tell you? That she should come to Him. Had she ever thought about the fact that God wants to have a relationship with her? Yes. Had she thought about that in a fond way, did it appeal to her to have a relationship with God? Yes. Had she ever told God that is something that she wanted? No. Would she like to tell God that now? Yes. So, I asked her to pray from her heart. She told me that she didn't know how to pray. She was still weeping. The only answer I could give at that point was to tell her that all you had to say in prayer to God was what you were feeling. That sometimes, in my greatest times of sorrow, the only thing I could do was tell God all that was in my heart and hurting, and that I trusted that God not only could hear me, but that He saw me (just like Hannah's story in 1 Samuel) and that He had a plan to fulfill His promises. And so, she began to pray. Unfortunately, I got so busy I didn't have time to ask my translator what she was praying. But I trusted that if it was the Holy Spirit that moved her, He would lead her to pray.

The best part about this story is that I had really done nothing at all. In fact, the only thing I really got to do was be a part of what God had already started in her. I was so blessed to have gotten such a big picture of God, and to simply be asked to come alongside of God in what He was already working out in her.

Psalm 138:8
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your love endures forever. He will not abandon the works of His hands.

Haiti Day #2

Meet Wuzlyn. She is one of the mom's I had a chance to interact with on a daily basis at the clinic. She is the mother to Joseph (i.e. "Machine me, Stephanie. Machine me!"). She is a dear soul. I sat down with her one afternoon and began to talk to her about Jesus. Let me make it very clear that I do not usually just approach people and start talking to them about Jesus (although I do like to talk about Him alot)! I usually try to find out what the person is experiencing, what their hurts are and see if God leads me from there.

But Wuzlyn is different. I felt the Lord just asking me to go and start talking to her about Him. So, I did. She expressed to me that she had heard about Jesus many time, and even sometimes went to church. She has never had a relationship with Jesus. It became evident very quickly that her primary problem with following God is that she did not want to be a hypocrite, which she repeated many times over. I encouraged her that her attitude was a very noble quality in a woman, because God does not want hypocrites to be His followers. In fact, He is very serious about finding people who genuinely want to love Him and follow His leading.

I shared my brief 10 minute story of the gospel from creation to resurrection (which took about 30 minutes via translating with Reggie). We then took a deep rundown on what the Bible says about hypocrites, and sin. It is by grace that we have been saved, through faith-and this not from ourselves, but it is the gift of God-not by works, that no once can boast. That as fallen men and women, sin is inevitable and is a part of our earthly flesh, but that God desires true repentance. As we practice this, we are not hypocrites but indeed are the children of God being made more and more into the image of Christ.

It was quite clear that she was enjoying our conversation, she was indeed listening intently to the words that that God speaks through HIs word. She would often smile or laugh during parts of the story. My heart fluttered as God began showing me that He was really after this woman's heart.

After about two hours, Wuzlyn proclaimed to me, "Ok, thank you for sharing this with me. I will think about it for two weeks and let you know my decision." I laughed, as I thought to myself, "She doesn't have two weeks if she intends to let me know her decision, she only has about 7 days!" However, I assured her that the outcome of her decision or my knowing about it was not important. It was the Lord who was speaking to her and she needed to wrestle through that with Him. We laughed together as I gently told her, "Wuzlyn, I think God sent me here to tell you that He is waiting for you. My coming here was just so you could know who He was a little more clearly."

Every day that I came into the clinic after that she would smile and then give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her face lit up every time I came in the door. On the last day, she walked me out of the clinic, inquiring if I would be returning to Haiti. With joy in my heart but sadness over leaving yet another people which I had learned to dearly love, I told her that I was not sure if I would ever be returning to Haiti, or if I did if I would ever see her again. But I assured her that I was only a small speck in her life of what God wanted to do with her. That just like I said the first day we met, "God sent me here to tell you that He is waiting for you with open arms." She is the kind of woman God is looking for to bring Haiti to the place of reconciliation and restoration that God has planned.

I smiled as I walked away, knowing in my heart that God has such greater plans to fulfill in my life than even I have dreamed, and it has something to do with the nations on the earth. So even though I was sad to be leaving, the hope of God's plan for me could not be dampened. And I prayed that Wuzlyn would dream about how God wanted to work in her life, too.

God Has a Sense of Humor

I felt it important to share with you some of the lessons that God shared with me on this trip. One is something I've already mentioned, dropping my own expectations. In fact, let me give you a brief rundown of the conversation that Patricia and I had right before I left:

Patricia: "Do you think you will be working with kids while you are there?"

Me: "Oh no, I don't know anything about assessing kids, I've never worked with kids in nursing. I hope I'll be doing something OB/GYN related like delivering babies but I realize that I might be asked to do anything."

Patricia: "Do you feel like you have already created any expectations for the trip?"

Me: "I'm not sure, I've tried not to."

Patricia: (Gently). "Just remember to be open to what God wants to do through you and where He wants to use you."

Me: "Ok, thanks."

This conversation is one reason why it was so funny that first day when I was assigned to work at the pedi clinic. But God knew that even if my hands were not skilled in nursing with kids, that my heart was right on target. And the things I didn't know about pediatrics and orthopedics, I figured out real quickly. :)

Snap back to several months ago when I was given and offer to pray about coming to work for a ministry in Haiti. I answered that I was not at a point to make that move right now, but that I would commit to praying about it and also finding out a little about the country of Haiti, since I didn't know very much. After a few turn of events that I will not mention here, I ended up standing in my room screaming at God that if He wanted me to go to Haiti, then He better find a different way to tell me. I remember being so frustrated with God and telling Him that He needed to be really clear.

Now, snap forward to be standing in the middle of the pedi clinic, smiling to myself that God has such a sense of humor. That He makes beauty from ashes and mourning into dancing. Our God is the ultimate redeemer. And I once again thought to myself, God is breaking all the rules and pulling out all the stops. So far, He has destroyed every one of my expectations (I didn't even think I had) for this trip, and I love it! How often do we ruin things God wants to put together by lofting up our own expectations (which we sometimes don't even realize) above God's? Relationships, family, work situations, friendships. Oh, Lord help us to break free!

Haiti Day #1

Our first morning in Haiti began at 5:45 am as the beeping of the alarm clock awoke me and my teammates. We had been asked to sign up the night before for assignments that we would like to be placed on. There were several options, and this was the crazy part. Although crowds seemed well controlled and there was no rioting that we witnessed, the place was chaos. There were literally clinics and hospitals set up in any standing building in less than sanitary conditions. I have never seen anything like it. So our options were as follows:

1) The Police Station-where there was a general clinic set up and they also had the capability of doing minor surgeries with minimal anesthesia. The OR table was the police cheif's desk!

2) The University of Miami Hospital-located in a hangar at the airport, U of M set up 4 working operating rooms as well as an an entire wing of a hospital where pt's would go after surgery until they were discharged.

3) Mobile clinics-we take healthcare to the people in tent cities. With minimal meds, we would assess pt's, treat them if possible or take critical cases to the hospital.

4) Pediatric Postop clinic-this clinic had been set up in the chapel at the orphanage where we were staying, so those volunteering here wouldn't leave the base.

5) Commando Unit- some retired army soldiers had full protective gear and would take a few docs/nurses out into PAP to find critical patients that had not yet been identified and treated. If they found dead, they placed them in a body bag and took their bodies to the morgue.

We were told that the goal was to place everyone where they were skilled and would be most useful, but that they would also try to accommodate everyone's desires. I had signed up to go to the University of Miami, since I had circulated in the OR when I worked at the hospital, I thought I could be useful there.

At our morning team meeting, our assignments were announced. I was going to the University of Miami Hospital. Wait, what's that? Not enough people to stay and work at the pedi post op clinic? Nope, I'm staying home today folks. Now, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little disappointed. (Are we seeing a theme here yet?) After a brief moment, I decided that if this is where the Lord wanted me to go, here I would stay and work faithfully.

And I must tell you that by the end of the day I was laughing with God. He knows our hearts so well. I had the grandest day! I spent the day getting accustomed to the routines of the day in the clnic- make sure the children are properly medicated, wound care for the amputees, pin care for the femur fractures, bandage changes for the kids who had lost fingers, and finally, play with the kids.

My giftings could not have been more suited for such a setting. I spent alot of time getting to know the kids and the families that first day. Hearing theirs stories, lost hopes and dreams and encouraging them that God has not forgotten them. In fact, He is very near. And then I spent alot of time playing with the kids, most of whom are bedridden due to their full spica casts and pins in their legs. Reggie was our translator for the clinic, a young 23 year old computer science guy. He was so gentle and loving, and when he was not needed translating, he would spend time playing with the kids. He was so sweet to watch. Balloons, puzzles, Candyland and Chutes and Ladders were a hit as well as coloring books and hot wheels. Little boys in Haiti call hot wheels "machines" so by the end of the day every little boy in that place was screaming, "Stephanie, machine me, machine me!" I also taught several of them how to use my stethoscope, which was a huge hit!

There is something special about children that can not be duplicated. Their resilience, joy, and innocence brings so much of God's Kingdom to this earth and the verse (Luke 18:16), "Let all of the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these." And I realize more and more that this is the posture I am to have before God. And I pray that my response to God would become more like it has on this trip, and less like it has been stateside. That I would experience disappointments with a small sting, and then quickly pick up and press forward with confidence to take hold of the plans that He has for me!

Dreaming With God

While I have your attention, I would like to share something with you that God has been teaching me. He is giving me a larger Kingdom mindset. After praying for so long that I would see God outside of the box that I have put Him in, I now see that He is answering that prayer and bringing me to a new level.

This is a quote from Bill Johnson's book, Dreaming With God: Co-Laboring with God for Cultural Transformation:

"The renewed mind understands that the King's dominion must be realized in all levels of society for an effective witness to take place. Someone with a Kingdom mind-set looks to the overwhelming needs of the world and says, 'God has a solution for this problem. And I have legal access to His realm of mystery. Therefore I will seek Him for the answer!'"

God, help us to dream with you...

Home Sweet Home

Finally in Port au Prince

Twelve hours after first boarding the bus, we finally arrive in PAP. Remember that little diddy I mentioned about laying down our own expectations? Well, let me just say I was glad I didn't know at the time that the drive really should have taken us about six hours.

It was very evident when we came closer to PAP. We began to see large piles of rubble dumped on the side of the road. We also began to see some tattered buildings and a few tent cities. Once we reached the road in the main city, it was very apparent. There was traffic like you've never seen before. It was chaos. A two lane road with semi's, dump trucks, buses, tap taps (the Haitian taxi), motorcycles and don't forget people. The only way to get ourselves in the chaos was to throw ourselves into it.

Which is exactly what our bus driver did. Which resulted in our bus touching fenders with a semi and the bumper touching a dump truck. It all took about 10 minutes (with 3 or 4 Haitians attempting to direct traffic) for us to unravel ourselves.

At first there was a little confusion about our destination...the police station (where there was a large clinic set up) or the orphanage (where there was a small pediatric post op clinic set up)? It was finally decided that our base would be the orphanage. :) Immediately on the grounds, I was washed over with such a sense of peace. The only part of the orphanage that was damaged was the roof of the chapel. This place was such a sanctuary compared to what we had seen on the way in.

Due to our late arrival into PAP, we really didn't have an opportunity to do much the first day. We were quickly directed to locate a tent which would be our home for the week. The girls from Austin (Michelle, Tammy, Jamie and myself) quickly located a tent and bunked our belongings as well as unloading all of the medical supplies we had packed.

After getting unloaded, I sat down with two Haitian ladies whom I discovered were hired to cook dinner for our team. All together, combined with the teams already there, we numbered about 50. I was immediately overwhelmed with so much joy as I sat down with these two women. I felt at home, complete. I knew that this is what I was created for...somehow, I have an inkling that God is calling me to women in many nations. God is so good to me.

Border Crossing

Finally at the border, everyone felt relieved because we knew the drive to Port au Prince would not be much longer. Another YWAM bus met us at the border and instructed us that, as we assumed, our entire group was not going to St. Marc. Our team was indeed supposed to go to PAP. Although relieved, there quickly came another frustration.

That morning, there were two buses that set out for Haiti and no one had any clue where the other bus was. We were instructed to wait. We also had to produce all of our passports and signatures to be reviewed by the border police. During our two hour layover at the border, it went something like this:

Everyone unload their luggage.
People going to St. Marc put your luggage back on the luggage trailer.
People going to PAP place all of your luggage inside the back of your bus.
Everyone unload your luggage.
People going to St. Marc put your luggage on the bus.
People going to PAP place your luggage on the luggage trailer.
Go to the bathroom, walk around get back on the bus.

Finally, we were on our way to PAP! These are just some pics of what we saw when crossing the border. We saw a U.S. army convoy and many large dump trucks and aid trucks traveling into Haiti. The other picture you see is just across the border into Haiti. The land is really beautiful. This is the largest body of fresh water in Haiti, and the Haitians have to keep moving the road up the mountainside because the water keeps rising. Only no one knows how because it rises even when they haven't had any rain.

Could this be a sign of what God wants to do in Haiti?

Dropping Expectations

4am. Roosters crowing. Quiet breeze on the veranda. We awake to the alarm clock, quickly jump up, shower and gather all of our luggage together. Make our PB&J for the long road trip ahead.

Up until this point, we knew few details about our trip. The remainder of our team had not shown up until 3 am, after we were already asleep. They got a blissful 45 minutes of sleep before they were up again. Downstairs, the YWAM Dominican leaders were trying to sort out three different teams. After alot of confusion, we were instructed that our team was headed to St. Mark, a city approximately 2 hours outside of Port au Prince (PAP) where a large group of refugees were being sent and a hospital had been established. However, all of our medical supplies had been packed specifically for Port au Prince, and we all had a strong desire to go there.

A little hesitantly, our entire team (including our leaders Jillian and Bonnie) climbed on the bus to St. Mark. This was our first reminder about who was really in control of the situation. We had signed up to serve the Lord, and He wanted us to know that we were here for His plans and purposes and not our own. A little disappointed, but with renewed purpose we were off.

Praise God, we did have an air conditioned bus! However, it was clear this was not going to be a comfortable bus ride as all of the seats were full except for two. We were packed like sardines.

The bus ride could be described somewhere between comical, frustrating and nauseating. At once, bumping and flying 100 km/hr down the road. The next, coming to a complete halt so we don't bottom out the bus and the luggage trailer in a small vehicle sized pothole. More than one team member felt a little queezy. After the first three hours, witness our first bathroom stop.

With 30+ people on board, bathroom stops can take quite a long time. So I begin to make conversation with our Haitian bus driver, Mackenzie. He tells me about his wife, his family, his life. And then...our conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Approximately how long do you think until we reach the border?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "How long do you think until we reach Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "Aren't you from right outside Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "Yes."

Me: "But you don't know how long it takes to get there?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know, I've never driven there before.

After multiple stops to ask directions to Jimani (near the border), headed down a dirt road only to turn around and retrace our steps, several near death experiences with motorcycles and a few more bathroom stops, we FINALLY made it to the border. Needless to say, everyone's patience was wearing a little thin. I, however, just had to laugh.

Driving on a bus in a third world country was everything I remembered it to be, and it brought back great memories. It also made me realize another thing, this was such a good lesson for all of us. God says that His ways our not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He had seen every leg of our journey and none of this surprised Him.

Americans are such an organized, goal oriented, efficient society primarily concerned with results and instant gratification. And I have to wonder, is God as cared about our efficiency, organization and goal setting as we are? Or is He more concerned about the process and what He wants to show us in that? Without all of these cultural lenses to look through, I felt free and clear of any expectation, and it was good! I'm not suggesting that God does not want us to have expectations, but He wants us to have His expectations, not our own. And although I felt very hot and little on edge, I smiled to myself as I realized that God has so much more in store for me than I allow Him to give me because I refuse to lay down my own expectations.

One Night in the Dominican Republic

After several flights and many long hours in the air, Dr. Garza, Jaime, Tammy and myself finally landed at the airport in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. It was approximately 8:30 pm. The Santo Domingo airport was small and quaint. The walls plastered with pictures of Dominican children, and the many beautiful sights and vacation spots in the DR.

After a brief walk to customs, we found out that they were waiving the visa fee for anyone traveling through the DR to reach Haiti (hey, every little penny counts). We then proceeded to the baggage carousel to pick up our packs and medical supplies. I think our bags were the last to come off because it felt like we waited for a long time.

Leaving Austin, we had discovered that our team leader's (Bonnie) flight had been cancelled and she would not be able to meet us at the airport. The rest of our team wasn't going to come in until around 11:30 pm and we were instructed to take a taxi to the YWAM house in Santo Domingo. With Dr. Garza's handy Iphone we were able to access directions in Spanish for the taxi driver, since I was the most proficient Spanish speaker in the group and I can imagine how funny you all think this is.

So, after a short walk out to the taxi station outside the airport and about 10 taxi drivers seeking our business, we finally settled on a taxi that was an SUV to accomodate all four of us and our luggage. After struggling to negotiate a price for our taxi, we finally settled on $60. Two cab drivers then attempted to cram all of our luggage into the back storage space (which was quite a feat in itself and very funny).

There was a term that came up in Haiti that went something like, "There is always room for one more." And the cab drive with all of our luggage was no exception. I wish I had snapped a photo.

Along our drive I attempted to ask the driver if he lived in Santo Domingo and for how long? Did he have any kids? A wife? What were there names? After struggling with my broken spanish and driving for about 40 minutes I decided to ask him, "Cuanto tiempo a la casa?" He answered, "45 kilometres." Being so tired, and not being very proficient in Spanish, my mind started spinning. I was imagining 45 miles, and we had already been driving for 40 minutes. In my mind, he was definitely lost. Or kidnapping us. It is a terrible feeling to be at the mercy of someone you don't know in a foreign county, who speaks a totally different language, in an unmarked taxi and to not know their motives. And as a woman, it is easy to become quite paranoid about these kinds of things. I decided, at least for the time to remain silent.

After a very long cab ride, and our driver putting the car in reverse on the "shoulder" of a one way street and calling the YWAM house, we finally ran into a YWAM truck that led us to the house. What an adventure for our first day!

One big blessing straight from heaven was that when we got to the house, they had left over burritos from dinner. We were starving! We had the opportunity to sleep on the veranda of this beautiful (previously owned by a drug lord) house. :) There was a beautiful breeze and we were all so tired we went straight to sleep.

Arise and Go

Wow, look how long it has been since I have felt inspired to write.

In an attempt to share my experience in Haiti with you, I am going to be posting blogs periodically as best I can keep up. Because I didn't have a cool Iphone like everyone else on my team, I didn't have a chance to communicate during the time that I was there. So, I am going to recall from memory as best as I can all of my experiences...some funny, very many sad, and also stories of hope.

All along, before I went on this trip I heard God speaking to me, "Arise and Go." My time of mourning, sadness, bitterness and pessimism were done. Now is my time to arise and go....go to what, you might ask? Well, maybe you can figure that out with me. I'm not sure yet, but I know that God is ushering in a new day and a new time in my life, where I will grab hold of all of His promises for me. I will go and bring God's Kingdom to this earth as much as I am humanly possible, I will go and bring joy and hope....I will arise and go.

I hope you will enjoy reading about my experiences as much as I loved being there, but mostly I hope it shows you who God is and what He is doing among the nations.