The Dark Night

Writing flows from my heart in times of hurt. And friends, it has been a season of suffering. Richard Foster quotes St. John in his book, Celebration of Discipline when he speaks of the Dark Night of the Soul. I have recently been taking the practice of solitude very seriously, which for those of you who know me is quite the contrary to my nature. But in that solitude, God is moving. It's not a happy time, but it is a time that I can praise the Lord for being the Lover of my Soul like no one else.

Foster says that when we practice solitude, inevitably we will enter this dark night. St. John describes it like this,
"the darkness of the sou puts the sensory and spiritual appetites to sleep...It binds the imagination and impedes it from doing any good discursive work. It makes the memory cease, the intellect become dark and unable to understand anything, and hence it causes the will also to become arid and constrained, an all the faculties empty and useless. And over all this hangs a dense and burdensome cloud which afflicts the soul and keeps it withdrawn from God."

Foster goes on to say that it is necessary for during this time every distraction of the body, mind and spirit must be put into a kind of suspended animation before this deep work of God upon the soul can occur. It is like an operation in which the anesthetic must take effect before the surgery can be performed. During these times, Bible reading, sermons, intellectual debate-all fail to move or excite us. I feel that his words adequately describe my soul at this moment.

I can very much relate to this right now. Of course, the Word of God is still able to speak to me and comfort me and my love and worship of my Savior is no less. But after a season of being used and used by God where His light shone out from me, I now feel unable to be used. My light is quietly burning inside my soul, but it feels like it is shining only for my Lover. No one else can see what He is doing inside of me. I don't understand it. I often experience sadness and dullness, but even in this I find hope and rest in the most unusual way. It is often hard to believe that this season will one day produce a fruitful harvest of goodness in my soul. But because I know my God, I know that He will bring fruit and I'm quite certain that it will not be just for my benefit, but that He will once again allow me to pour out my heart and life to those around me. I've never experienced a season quite like this. I thank my God that He loves me enough to draw me away from every distraction, to whisper His love and sufficiency to my ear. I wish I could say this is a season that I have welcomed, but that wouldn't be true. I've fought it, and I've fought it to the end, to the point that I have been wrestled to the ground so that the Lord may perfect and complete His good work in me.

A couple of more thoughts...St. John sums up the dark night in this way,
"Oh then, spiritual soul, when you see your appetites darkened, your inclinations dry and constrained, your faculties incapacitated for any interior exercise, do not be afflicted; think of this as a grace, since God is freeing you from yourself and taking from you your own activity." I need freeing from myself more than anything else...let it be done as you say, Lord. More on God's perfecting work next post....

The Crucifixion

What must it have been like to give the One you love more than anything in the world over to human brutality and wickedness?

As I imagine that day that Jesus was condemned for innocence, to be not only my Savior but the Savior of the world, it is very difficult to get my mind around.

The horrific beatings You endured, even to cutting flesh and bone, nerves and tendons...
The continual mocking of those who feared and hated you...
The humiliation of being beaten ragged and spit on and snarled at....
The splinters rubbing and cutting into your already dissected flesh...
The exhaustion from physical pain...

Knowing you are INNOCENT....and we are completely guilty before the Throne of God.

Your mother, Mary Magdalene and John weeping over an unrecognizable Son, Savior, Friend...
Nails piercing nerves...
Thirst...
The crackling of broken ribs and broken bones...
The heartbreak and betrayel of a loved one...
The humiliation of the Roman soldiers...
The scoffing of the criminal who doubted your identity...

And so much more that I can not imagine. How any other that is not you would have been utterly crushed by such an experience. But what was your response in that moment, Jesus? In your power and obedience you...

Blessed.
Speaking Your love to the criminal, "Today you will be with me in Paradise."
Forgave.
"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Provided.
Safety and provision for His mother in John the Baptist.
Loved.
By giving your life that I might be reconciled to My God. "It is finished."

You payed the price and fulfilled God's plan for all time. In the midst of your broken heart...broken over the sinful and rebellious people you created..you chose LIFE for me. Out of your broken heart, you fought for and defended me as God poured out all of His wrath on the Son.

He chose it because that was God's will. In LOVE, God created us and His love was perfect and never failing. He loved me so much that He willed to crucify His most Beloved. And although my mind doesn't ever fully grasp that, I know that I reap the benefits of that act everyday. Everyday that I am free to come before my Heavenly Father and plead with Him, thank Him, praise Him. Freely, without guilt and condemnation. To commune with Him. It is an unfathomable Joy.

If He loved me that much, how much love must He have for His son? He has no limits...

My Heroes

The Mothers of Matero
Jamie Baldwin
guardian.co.uk
At an age when most women may be thinking of retirement, a small group of Zambian grandmothers have embarked on a mission to help their fractured community in the fight against Aids and poverty. In the country's largest and oldest compound, the 19 women volunteers who make up Kwasha Mukwenu work tirelessly feeding families and educating orphaned children.

Steam rises from the freshly cooked nshima porridge as the famished kids patiently wait their turn in the queue. Three women are bent double serving ladles of the porridge from a huge vat to children who may wait another 24 hours before the next, and the same, meal. Rosemary Phiri, a retired primary school teacher, is a firm believer in a hearty breakfast. "The children must eat before class starts or they do not learn. You can't learn anything on an empty stomach."

Mama Rosie, as the children affectionately address her, explains that despite being a mother of five and a grandmother of four she has decided to start teaching again. "If the children don't go to school they look as though they're missing something. Now they are comparing themselves to the school-going children of Matero – its good for them. We only have one blackboard and a few donated books and pens but they enjoy it."

Class begins around 9am with the children huddled round the blackboard reciting rather anomalous English words, each chorus echoing around the tiny room. It is perhaps the archetypal image of an African education, but it is one that belies recent statistics. According to the UK Department for International Development (DFID), primary enrolment rates in Zambia have been falling for some years: in 1996 the gross enrolment rate was two thirds that in 1985. It is estimated that some one third of the country's children fail to attend primary school. The underlying cause is always the same: poverty and Aids.

"Kwasha Mukwenu: it means to help a friend in need. And there are plenty of our friends that are in need," explains Rosemary, one of the founding members of the group. "It's not easy to care for children that are not yours, but because of that love towards them and all our neighbours, we can manage." And today, they support 536 families and over 2,000 children in the Matero compound, which lies to the north-west of Zambia's capital, Lusaka. It is a sad irony that the community, out of which Zambia's independence was born and then realised in 1964, is now home to so many families dependent on others for survival.

The women's headquarters is a shell of a disused scouts' building, in the heart of the district. The one room still intact serves as office, meeting room and classroom for the sixty youngest children who come to the centre everyday. Where the larger NGOs within the HIV/Aids sector have leaflets on anti-retro viral drugs, vehicles handing out boxes of free condoms and the financial support of Western governments, the women of Kwasha Mukwenu have nothing but hard work and love.

In 1991, 120 women came together to help absorb the increasing number of children being left without parents, relatives, food and an education. "We saw a continual process of people dying and leaving children. So we got all the women in the community together to discuss this issue and said yes, something needs to be done", says Elizabeth Chilala, the original father, and mother, of Kwasha Mukwenu. "And we are still here. Anyway, how could we stop when the number of children coming to us grew every day?"

Understanding the impact the Aids epidemic has had in Africa is difficult to fathom. Throughout sub-Saharan Africa no neighbourhood has been left untouched, as Elizabeth points out: "we may not all be infected, but we are all affected". The statistics are frightening. Eighty per cent of Zambians live in poverty, the nationwide infection rate hovers around 20% and the country has one of the highest levels of orphanhood in the world. Nearly half of all children have lost a parent, while three quarters of Zambian families are caring for at least one orphan. Currently there are 850,000 children who have lost both parents due to Aids, by 2010 it is estimated that this figure will be close to two million.

For a country often seen as an island of peace around a sea of chaos – Zambia borders the Congo, Angola and Zimbabwe – their cohesive community spirit has been dealt a cruel blow by the Aids pandemic. "In the past, if your sister died then you would take in her children, they just come in because it was like their other home," explains Rosemary. "But now because of Aids, poor conditions and poverty, people cannot cope. Most families have reached a saturation point, they cannot take in any more orphans. So, Kwasha Mukwenu is the big family because we have to be."

At its most common denomination it is simple mathematics that reveal the true impact of the Aids pandemic on orphans and vulnerable children. It is when a guardian cannot take in a dead sibling's offspring or cannot give the orphan children as much food as their biological children. As Rosemary puts it: "If I have five children and my sister, who has maybe four, dies, who is going to look after those children? They are all going to come to me. I now have nine mouths to feed but only food for five."

Increasingly, caring for Zambian's children is becoming the domain of the elderly as a whole generation of young adults, the sons and daughters of these guardians, disintegrates. As Mr Mayeche laments, "too many people are dying too soon". Funerals have become daily events and mourners queue at the city cemetery to bury the dead, leaving behind those who must feed, educate, care for and love the next generation.

As I leave the women to stir nshima and stitch rugs, Rosemary calls after me: "We Zambian women have a voice you know. We are mothers with a voice and we are using it." The rest of the women laugh uncontrollably at this. Yes, they do have a voice and thank God that they do.

Thank You, Regents!

This next week, I will be finalizing the book collection and hopefully shipping the books off to Destiny by November. Thanks to everyone who has played such a huge role! I will be acquiring my final donations, from Regents School of Austin tomorrow.

Overall, people have donated close to 800 books, a mix of adult, child and adolescent. This is amazing and I know the community of Matero will be very blessed by them.

Despite such a successful book drive, my heart can't help but break for my friends and family there that need so much more than books. Please lift the school of Destiny and the church up in your prayers, and ask for God's divine favor and provision for them as they struggle through the daily challenges of life.

To my Zambian friends visiting me here on this internet interface, I love you so much and think about you everyday. Nakuyewa, nikukonda. Nali ku temwa sana sana. Shalenipo Mukway. Our God saves.

Once an Arafat Man

I just finished this very inspiring story about an Arab-American man who was once a sniper in the PLO under Yassar Arafat. The book is his life story about how he grew up an enraged, renegade rebel persecuting Christians in the name of justice to becoming an advocate of reconciliation between Jews and Palestinians. How, might you ask? The only answer, Jesus. Along the way, you will learn an incredible amount of history regarding the regions of Israel/Gaza Strip/Jordan as well as gain much insight to the origins of the tensions between these people groups, and what the Bible has to say about it all.

Awesome read!

Everything is Spiritual

This will BLOW your mind...



*images taken from google

More Library Blessings

I want to thank all of those who have given to the Destiny Library Project! I continue collecting books until the end of October, but I think that continued thanks is due to what the Lord has done through you!

Special thanks to New Hope Community Church and the Charity Girls for being such a driving force behind this project! Also, a few folks from the local chapter of Room to Read(http://www.roomtoread.org/) are putting together a book drive that should be completed sometime in the next month. Trudy Marshall has been an overwhelming help in the logistics of this project. Megan Bloemker (of ACTION International: http://www.actionintl.org/) has generously and unselfishly offered her limited time to acquire some Zambian books in Lusaka to add to the library, making it much more relatable and useable to the community. And I am grateful to the Lord for bringing all of these wonderful souls across my path. He truly is the author, the sustainer and the finisher.

I shipped a small box containing 87 books as a test run, as well as some library keeping supplies with a manual of instructions on library keeping and they have successfully arrived! I plan on sending the rest of the books in early November. We are also currently looking into purchasing some metal locking bookshelves. Besides books, there are many wonderful tools I have been able to collect, including:

Two sets of Encyclopedias
Bible Study tools/books for the church
Sunday School curriculum for the church
Stormie Omartian Power of a Praying Woman CD Study
Gary Smalley Premarital Counseling CD/book set for the church

As you can see, the church is also benefiting a great deal from all of the donations, and I am very excited about that. They are beginning the process of trying to train up leaders within their body, so please pray for this! I love you all and am so overwhelmed by your love and support of me, the kids in Zambia, and the local church in Zambia.

On another note, please also pray that the Lord would provide a way for the school to have food assistance, as it is a struggle to find food on a regular basis. Some of the kids there live in shantys without parents and without anyone to provide for them. When we pray and trust in faith, He will provide and I am praying and hoping it will be soon.