The Cross

I don't know if anyone continues to read my blog since I returned home. Many times I feel like life here is not as exciting as it is in Zambia. But I would be wrong. The Lord is alive and active in my life here just as much as He is in Zambia, it just looks a little different.

This week, I have wrestled with the Lord. I mean really wrestled...with anger, forgiveness, sadness, anxiety... and I have to tell you that I am constantly amazed by the grace and love that the Lord showers over me. I love that He ALWAYS leads me by His Spirit and His word.

God has been rocking my world for about 6 months now. In preparation for Zambia I felt joy, anticipation and encouragement. In Zambia I felt utter joy, challenge, frustration, a great spirit of encouragement. Upon my arrival home I felt sadness, renewed strength, a new desire for the Lord, but quite disappointed to be home. In relationships I have felt encouraged, loved, broken, hurt, desired, helped and helpless. For the future, I lack understanding and vision at the moment which leaves me feeing confused and sometimes frustrated.

I know that some of you may be thinking that this is discouraging, but through these experiences the Lord continually brings me back to the foot of the cross where He brings me to a place of submission. And in my own stubbornness and obstinance, still chooses to rain down his love and mercy upon me. As I look back on the amazing work the Lord has done in my life, I realize that every lesson I have learned in love and in life comes back to what Christ accomplished on the cross for me.

Nothing I do in life matters, if I don't do it for Christ. No journey I take will be successful without Christ, and praise Him for it! He desires me so much that He will continually remove obstacles in my life to draw me closer to Him, even if it brings me deep hurt. People have always said to me, "God's purposes are higher than our own, and His knowledge is infinite and beyond our understanding." Over the past two years, I have come to understand what that means, although I don't always understand why He works situations the way He does. But my understanding of how and why He works situations is not important, it is that I trust in Him and in His goodness towards me.

My prayer for all who read this is that you would experience Christ working in your life this way. That despite joy, disappointments, and all the other array of emotions or situations you may endure, that you could still look at Christ and wonder at His character. He is higher than your hopes, higher than your dreams, and that is a scary thing sometimes.

The more I realize that He is in control of my life, the more hope I have for the future, because He is the only thing/person worth hoping in. I am so thankful that when I look at my life, I can see how the Lord has prepared me for situations that He would bring me through, gave me healing and hope, has caused me to endure and has made me a better friend, lover, sister, daughter, co-worker, etc. I am looking forward to seeing what He has for me next.

Psalms 3:3-5
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory upon me and lift up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because he Lord sustains me."

Two Quotes of the Day

“The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” - Charles Dubois

“The reason I’m attracted to the light of Scriptures is because there’s another side of me that is dark. The reason I’m interested in men of peace is because I’m not like them and would like to be. I’m not someone in real life who turns the other cheek. ”
Bono

Life As Usual (Or Not)

After an unexpectedly rough journey back to the States, I am now home in Austin and re-acclimating to life in the fast lane again. Although my heart longs to be in Zambia loving the children, the Lord has shown me an amazing amount of grace in being home. By that I mean, God is showing me all of the good things in my life in Austin that I have to be thankful for.

My brain still has alot of experiences to process left over from the summer. My time there was so busy, there has been a delay of the penetration of my experiences to my heart. There is so much that I learned this summer that it is somewhat overwhelming to begin praying through all of it.

One of the ways in which the Zambians live that impacted me the most was their since of community, and the joy they derive from it. They know one another well, they are able to support, encourage and correct one another with an equal amount of love.

Just being able to be there, to love those children and to teach them the Word of God gave me a deeper yearning to live my life with a pure heart. God has given us senses to take in His creation and to know Him, but those same senses have also been perverted by sin. Much of the information that I inhale each day is full of perversion, tv and magazines are particularly disruptive to my natural state of peace in the Lord. Let's just take a look at what one might find on any given day on the television or on the front of a magazine...dysfunctional marriages, sex, affairs, nudity, violence, profanity, people treating one another horribly, sin being exalted. It's not like I never considered these things before, but I became so desensitized to it that I was unaware. That is how Satan packages it for us here in the States. We don't even know he is there. Furthermore, some brilliant sitcom writers have figured out how to make people's tragic and unhealthy relationships comical. Now I know some of you reading this are thinking I am crazy and you are probably calling me an extremest, and what I have to say to you is...come and love on some orphans for a few weeks and see how it changes you. The comforts and luxuries of our world harmfully blind us to the dangers of it.

I am praying that God would give me the strength to make even small everyday decisions that would honor and glorify Him, like leaving the TV off. I am praying that He would cause me to be more vulnerable in my community and that we would live together as He has called us to live together...supporting, encouraging, correcting and advising one another in wisdom. And this is just the beginning.

The good news is, HE is good and holy, and He has mine (and your) bests interests as His priority. I truly hope that you are experiencing God in a new way today too, and if you are not I hope you will ask me to pray for you. The life He wants to offer you is so much better and sweeter than anything you could concoct yourself!

Soon I will be working on a video and some other exciting info on what Family Legacy has planned, so be on the lookout for a few more posts full of fun!

Winding Down

Muli Bwanji (How are you)? I think this will be my final post from Zambia, oh it's a sad day. The summer has been amazing, challenging, exhausting, joyful, and I have seen the Lord work in amazing ways!

Friday was an extremely emotional day for me as I had to say goodbye to some of my dear Zambian friends. Many tears were shed on both sides for the loss that we will all feel as we have to go our seperate ways...for now. Our amazing Zambians circled around us and sang for us in their native language and then prayed for us. I was not able to video because my memory card was full, but I hope to attain some videos from my friends and be able to share it with you. The manner in which they pray and sing is unlike anything you have ever witnessed!

These last two weeks were alot of fun, as some of my friends John, Paul and Kent from Austin joined me in Zambia! All of them now know why I love Zambia so much and why I hate leaving this beautiful place! It was neat to witness their experiences and how God touched each of their lives. John had the opportunity to go with his group of kids and his partner(Isaac) to a witch doctor's house and share the gospel. This witch doctor actually turned away business while the group was sharing with him. He and his wife both accepted Christ and Isaac explained to them that in Christ you are a new creation, and the old has gone. Therefore, you cannot go on living the way you are living, you are no longer able to be a witch doctor who curses people. I think it was hard for the man to accept, but they prayed that this man would not have peace within himself until he destroyed all of his charms and found another way to make money for his family. The couple was very happy.

I wish that you all could be here to witness the work that God is doing. In America, we are too obstinate and to quick to explain things away with our vast intellect. But the gospel cannot be dismissed with intellect, and it is not for those with obstinate hearts. I have really been feeling burdened for my own country as I prepare to come home. Burdened that we have too many other things to do besides share the joy and love of Christ, burdened that we have too many people unwilling to hear the message of Christ, or who think they are above God.
For how can we who were created be wiser or smarter than He who created us? I wish people at home were just as hungry for the word of God as people here in Zambia, but we as Americans just fill that hunger with stuff. One more ipod, one more iphone, one more flat screen plasma...Just some food for thought.

Last week I heard a story of a girl who said that her father had not hugged her, loved her, talked to her in many years. She went home one day after camp and was able to shared with her father that in Christ he was loved, and that he was accepted into God's family. That he was secure in his salvation, and that he could walk victoriously and free in Christ. The man actually started crying, picked up his daughter, hugged her and told her thank you! That is the power of Christ. That relationships can be healed and reconciled, that God has the power to change a life in an instant! I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to witness change after change after change! I truly am blessed to be a witness!

I also had the opportunity to see my second school of girls this week, as they came to camp. Their school is called Hope and Faith. Again, I was tackled with hugs the minute they spotted me, and Mumbi kept saying to Memory "I told you auntie Stephanie would be here, I told you she would come, I told you!" It made me smile and even though I did not have a small group this week, I was able to sit in on their small group a couple of times and we all liked that very much. Sadly, I will not see them next year at camp because they will be in grade 8, and community schools only go to grade 7. Perhaps I will have to make a special trip to visit them.

I am hoping to follow up with my Destiny school children next week before I leave. These kids touch my heart in a special way, and I almost can't bear to leave them. I know the Lord has plans for me at home, and I only pray that I will be faithful to proceed forth with them. As always, I love you all and can't wait to tell you about everything when I get home! Zi como muzanga wangas (thank you my friends)!

Joyful

I apologize for the length of time since my last post, and I was reading over it I realized it was lacking a spirit of hope. So, here I am your faithful servant to debrief you once more.

I believe that I am just now starting to process all that I have experienced and witnessed this summer. The Lord is really working on my heart personally as well as through the lives of these sweet and beautiful children.

As I was reflecting on some scripture last night, I became overwhelmed at how loving our God is. I have looked at my life over the last year and seen what God's hand has accomplished, and I feel so undeserving. Yet I know that He has given me everything for His glory, and how much comfort I can find in that. I believe that He is healing alot of bitterness in me and causing me to pursure hard after Him. I come to realize more and more everyday how much I need the love, redemption and security of Christ.

He loves me, He loves you! Each of us are worthy to be given everything good because it is a privelege to be called a child of God. He will rejoice over us with singing and quiet us with His love. I am so thankful for the healing and security the Lord gives me, that I may walk confidently in His word.

Last week was amazing! I have been making more and more house calls lately. I feel so honored that these families and caregivers have invited me into their homes so freely and without reservation. They have welcomed me, and I know that it is only by the Lord's hand that I am able to share gospel and to help them in any small way. I have so much to tell you all about the children but it seems overwhelming to try to post it all here. I look forward to seeing each and everyone one of you upon my return in three weeks.

Please pray that the Lord will be my guide. That I will pursue what is right, holy and pure. I love you all!

Hello friends! I am so happy to finally be writing to you have a few weeks. The first few weeks we had internet access in the villa and I could get to it when I have time, but now we do not and getting to the cafe is proving to be a challenge.

Week 5 presented some challenges. Monday morning, the Zambians showed up to Nakatendi hall and were told that they were locking the doors and that we would not be allowed to use the facilities. This is how things go in Zambia. So, literally at the very last second Moses (executive director, Family Legacy Zambia) made some calls and camp was moved to Dunamis church which is the largest church in Zambia. They are charging us more than double what we were paying at Nakatendi but the facilities are much nicer and we have enjoyed our time there.

I can't remember if I blogged about this, but several weeks ago we participated in an awareness march for voluntary counseling and testing of AIDS. During that time of "awareness" some witch doctors came out and started dancing and giving money to the deputy mayor. We immediately pulled the kids because this is exactly the same kind of things that we are trying to deliver them from. The deputy mayor was very upset because without the kids he really didn't have a program. A hunch tells me this is why we were kicked out. All that to say, there is some intense spiritual warfare going on in this city, but God always provides and camp continues to press forward.

I have continued visiting homes of the children that need the most care, going and providing medications and education to the families. It is my favorite part of my job here. I love being invited into the homes and being able to commune with the caregivers of these children and to share with them the word of God. Every single one of these children is precious, and my heart continues to break for them.

I revisited one of my girls from week 4 (the week I had my own group) and spent several hours with her. The week she came to camp she would hardly talk to us at all, and when I visited her on friday we shared the Truth of God with here for several hours. At the end of that time, she insisted that there was nothing that I could pray for her about. Finally, she was able to tell me and my partner (Ethel)that she wanted to kill herself, that her living situation with her grandomother was so bad that she would rather be living on the street. Her appearance was hopeless and sorrowful. I can't tell you how many hours I spent weeping over this child, both at camp and upon revisitation. How many hours I have spent in prayer for her begging God to allow me just to take some of her sorrow and exchange it for the joy I have in Christ. I know that it is only He who can save her, but I hurt so much for her. Please be praying for her, she is Dorothy. I know our prayers do not return void, for He says that if we ask and believe in the name of Jesus, it is already done.

Last week I reached a breaking point. The comination of lack of sleep, exhaustion and lack of alone time, lack of time to process and difficult situations of the kids culminated in a small emotional breakdown. I was unprepared for taking the roll of a full time staff person and all of the responsibilites that incurs. I am always on duty, always being pulled in a million directions and have little time to myself. But this weekend I have had some very good quiet and worship time as well as rest. The Lord has renewed by mind and body and I feel fully equipped to press forward with the coming weeks. I am looking to Him only to be my strength.

Please be praying that the Lord would contiue to hold me in His hand, and pray for my mental health as I end my time here. I am not ready to leave, and i know that coming home will be extremely difficult. I am not prepared to return home, although I know that it must happen for now. I know the Lord will give me grace in every step I take, but I know the transition home will be hard. I love you all and I am thinking of you often!

Chobe National Game Reserve

I am in love with guava!

Yesterday our team traveled a short distance to Botswana (Andrea, I thought of you) to safari through Chobe National Game Reserve. It was quite and adventure. At one point we were standing on four different countries: Botwana, Namibia, Zambia and Zimbabwe. Pretty cool. We learned that this is the only place in the world that four countries meet.

To cross the border we had to take a little motor boat across the Zambezi river. The first half of our day was spent on a safari boat tour. We cruised the Chobe River where we were able to spot a variety of the most beautiful fishing birds you have ever seen, small and HUGE crocodiles, hippos, water monitor lizards, elephants, bald eagles, and a number of other things. The fisher birds fly very high over the water and then dive beak first like a rocket. The weather was perfect, about 60 degrees and windy but with the sun shining over head. The beautiful African planes are incomparable to anything I have seen.

The afternoon was spent in Chobe Park on a game drive where we viewed more heards of elephants, giraffes, sables, impala, guineas, kudus, etc. I really wanted to see a lion or a leapord but Winnie (our guide) said that they are very difficult to view because their activity is almost soley restrictred to dawn and or midnight. Winnie was a fantastic guide and is very knowledgeable about all of the animals. I know it's his job, but he was very pleasant.

In Chobe, we were told that there are around 45,000 elephants!!!! Winnie said that the large elephant population is a problem. A few years ago the government voted on killing some of them off, but that was vetoed. Instead, they decided to sell off several thousand elephants to countries lacking an elephant population. The entire park is over 10,500 KM!!!!! Our tour did not even scratch the surface, but it was so much fun. Next time I would like to go on an all day game drive and be out there at dawn to watch the lions.

Unfortunately, my camera broke a couple of days ago so my pictures from the safari were collected on a disposable Kodak (better than nothing). My friends have offered to share with me though, and I look forward to showing them to you when I return. But let's not think of that now. Tomorrow I am returning to Lusaka to gear up for week 5 of camp!