Journey of Life and Love

Mobile Clinic Day #2

2010-03-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

The next day I was asked to go on another mobile clinic. I was happy to oblige, and eager to get out into the city again.

Before we left, we were desperately praying for more time to see patients and a larger space. Everything really is such an ordeal there. Driving to where you need to go sometimes proves impossible due to the traffic. The waiting around...waiting to get guards, waiting for team leaders to figure out where they are going and what they are doing. Nothing is really efficient, as we Americans would like it to be.

So, we drove through town to the police station so that we could pick up our policeman for our journey. This process took about two hours, most of which involved us waiting around in the VERY hot sun (hence the lovely tan I came back with). But once we finally got everyone on the same page, we were off.

We drove for about 40 minutes to our destination, a moderate sized tent city that seemed to be in a middle class neighborhood. We were warmly welcomed as we arrived and a few people led us to a large church. As I walked in, I felt giddy. God grants even the smallest need, and this was our answer for a larger space. The place was huge! The two story building had suffered some damage to the balcony area, but it was still standing and for the most part in really good shape.

Not only that, but there were pews where everyone could wait while they were waiting to be seen! No waiting in the hot sun! And I was so thankful because many times people are already dehydrated and without water so waiting around sweating in the hot sun does not improve the situation. Also, the inside of the church was surprisingly cool compared to the outside. It was such a place of peace, just like God gave us a utopia. As we began to set up, Bonnie informed me that I would be our prayer support for the day, which of course I was thrilled about.

As the entire room became quiet, I began to pray as one of the police officers interpreted for me. For me, it was such a sweet experience. As I prayed, Bonnie placed her hand on the small of my back and when I had finished she said, "I knew I picked the right person for the job. My little preacher." God did alot of things for me personally on this trip, but one was to confirm gifts that He has placed in me over and over again. I cannot explain to you what a blessing this was for me. Something happens to us when we are operating in our giftings. I have greater faith, I believe God for greater things and often times the idea of doubt doesn't even cross my mind, and when it does it seems easy to crush. Confidence overwhelms me. The power of Christ falls on me because it is He that is doing this through me. I'm almost a different person, only I'm me. :)

Although not many people came and directly asked me for prayer, I just began to pray over the space, over the pastor and caretakers, the families coming for medical care, the community and of course the many, many children that kept running up to me and sitting in my lap without prompting. It was quite humorous. At one point, another team member Matt had given the kids his camera to snap pictures with. The kids snapped a picture of me making a thumbs up sign. No sooner had I gotten out my camera, and the girls wanted a picture of themselves. As I put my camera up to my eye, I see all of them standing there with their thumbs up. It was so precious.

I have other stories about mobile clinic day #2, but I will have to continue them next time...

A Chalky Baptismal

2010-03-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

The next day after the mobile clinic, I volunteered to stay at the post op clinic again. My days were growing fewer, and I longed to spend some quality time with the families I had formed relationships with. It was a very mellow day, I spent most of my time playing with the kids.

It's really charming how they never get tired of playing with the same toys. Every day..."machines", barbies, coloring books, board games, and my favorite...balloons (in Creole, "la blad"). Every day that I came in, little Joseph would reach for my hand and start saying, "Stephanie, la blad. Stephanie, la blad." Over and over again.

Also, thanks to Greg and Patricia, I now effectively know how to manage a three-year-old tantrum. Which is a good thing, because one of the kids threw a hissy fit when I told him that we were out of balloons. But at the end of our bargaining match, he was just as content with a "machine."

Most of our days were very hot, especially in direct sunlight. But thankfully we had some shaded area. On this particular day, I wanted to inspire the children's creativity and get their minds working. Actually, one of my main goals while I was there was to get everyone's minds working and into some kind of routine, since everything they know had been crushed. So, the director of the orphanage spent some time encouraging the moms and dads to bathe their children, change them and all take turns washing the sheets on the beds (we didn't have any extras). It was quite difficult to get people motivated and take responsibility but in the end we had at least made some progress. We were really trying to foster a sense of community among the families that would be staying here for quite some time.

One of our team leaders had found some sidewalk chalk in the donations. I was thinking to myself, "What child doesn't like sidewalk chalk?" I became sad as I thought about the fact that most of the kids wouldn't be able to chalk because they couldn't get out of their beds. Oh well, we'll just have fun with the kids that can.

Then came the challenge. The only place I could get approval to sidewalk chalk was in the blazing sun on the side of the guest house. None of the kids wanted to chalk because it was too hot. As I scrambled to think of other ideas (I was really desperate to make this happen), I noticed an outside baptismal with four walls. I ran in and asked for permission to chalk the baptismal. The first step was that I had to teach the kids what sidewalk chalk was and how to use it. I handed to them and immediately got blank stares. Silly me.

As I started passing out the chalk, all of the kids started to screech with excitement and then it occurred to me that we now had a standing 4 sided structure to chalk on! This meant that we could pull all of the cots over to the wall and each child (even the bedridden ones) could sidewalk chalk! I laughed to myself, again...thinking that in the first place I had the perfect plan figured out. Only...it wasn't so perfect. And nothing went how I planned. :) Isn't God so good? He made a way for all of His children to enjoy the creativity placed in them by their Father. As we pulled each cot over to the wall, I witnessed some of the most joyful expressions I have ever seen. The kids were so excited!

The kids all had a great time, and then afterwards we all sat around the baptismal and talked. One of the dad's is a police officer and spoke English quite well. He began to ask me about how long I had known Jesus. I was able to share a little bit of my testimony as well as talk about Jesus and who He is. Now I don't know if anyone else could speak English, but this whole scenario drew quite a crowd and they all listened intently so they must have been hearing something. :)

At the end of the day, i walked over to my tent completely satisfied, and I realized why it is so easy for me to relate these people. They enjoy just being. They don't need to do anything. No one has to say the right thing, or be a certain way. They just simply love and enjoy one another for who they are. They laugh, and they sit in silence, and all is well.

Unfortunately, I did not get any pictures of the chalky baptismal. I was too busy just enjoying the day with my friends.

Mobile Clinic Day #1

2010-03-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

So, after all of that waiting around in the heat, we were finally on our way. Our destination was fairly close and we drove only about 15-20 minutes. We couldn't travel very far, since we were on a limited time schedule to get the police officers back to the base. We drove into a very secluded tent city, and as we drove in the people began to crowd the trucks. They knew of course, by our scrubs that we were medical professionals.

As we arrived, the local people were very quick, gracious and willing to help us set up. They cleared a small 5'X5' sheet tent for us to make our clinic home. That tiny space contained 4 chairs where patients sat while they were assessed, three nurses, a pharmacy and two pharmacists (aka nurses who know about medications). :)

We were so tight in the space, and all of the locals so packed in tight that I wasn't able to get any pictures. I tried not to take any close up pictures in the communities because I didn't want people to feel like we might be exploiting them. So if I couldn't stand quite a distance away and zoom for the pic, I tried to keep my camera in the bag. I also didn't want to cause chaos.

Because of our short time this day, we only saw about 50 patients in our 1 1/2 hours. But it was worth every single person who was helped during that time. Several men I encountered had outbreaks of herpes and were in quite alot of pain, only our medication supply was limited and we did not have any valtrex. So, I did my best to education them on lifestyle choices and prayed for them and sent them on their way. I saw several sick little babies who had a fever, and then the common aches and pains that come with being dehydrated and hungry. It was evident in my assessments that many ailments were also caused by anxiety and grief, and my heart felt sad that I couldn't bring more healing and comfort to those places.

Although these days were fruitful and just as much authored by God as all the others, it definitely involved less personal ministry on my part. But I trust that God used every smile, touch and word of grace to minister in realms that I cannot see.

I think most people on the team felt at least a little disappointed that we did not see more patients. But it was a sweet reminder from the Lord that His work is not about numbers, nor is it about what we do as His people. It is about what He is doing, for His glory.

A Visit to the Police Station

2010-02-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

Saturday I was invited to go out on one of the mobile clinics are team was hosting. Mobile clinics are where we get to take limited healthcare to all of the people who are living in tent cities in Port au Prince. In extreme cases, we found those who were in critical condition and transported them to the hospital. I wasn't sure if this was something I really wanted to do, but by this time I was ready to get outside the four wall of the orphanage and see the city. Also, God had already showed me that He was going to work the way He wanted to so I went out.

We drove through the traffic packed little streets of PAP down to the police station. Aside from this being the first time I had really gotten out to see the city, the smell as we neared the police station grew more and more putrid. The number of Haitians living in sheet tents on the sidewalks without any sign of designated sanitation was overwhelming. The police station is located in the heart of the city, directly across from the palace. We were required to stop here first to pick up Haitian police officers that would travel with us and ensure our safety in case any chaos broke out.

Although the police station had been badly effected by the earthquake, it was still being used as a major headquarters. Not only were the policemen still being housed there, but the major clinic in town was set up on the lower floor, as well as a mini operating room where wound debriding and minor surgeries took place. All of the doctors and nurses that were serving there slept in tents on the roof. It was quite a sight. Within 10 feet of where I was standing, I could hear about 10 different languages being spoken. Literally, people from all over the world were pitching in to serve the Haitian people. This brought me so much hope, and I closed my eyes as I received a small picture of what Heaven will be like one day. Then the realization hit me that heaven is still so abstract and I really can't imagine what it will be like, but I do know that all nations will be represented.

As I mentioned earlier, any expectation of efficiency or speed had to flee. It was clear we were going to be waiting around at the police station for a while as the people in charge tried to figure out which police officers could go out with us. And did I mention it was extremely hot? I hiked up to the roof of the police station, from which you could see most of downtown. The devastation was kind of overwhelming, and I tried to take it all in, trying to sense what God wanted to do and what He wanted to show me in all of this. Surely, it would be difficult to be a blessing (and I felt compelled to be a blessing) if I found myself in a hopeless, desperate state. And God was faithful.

As I looked over the ruins of the city, I did not feel devastated or hopeless but God began to speak to me the love that He had for His people, and the plans that He had to rebuild and restore His people. And I began to experience the power that God pours out on His people. The power and authority that He gives His children to go confidently into battle, claiming His promises and sovereignty over this nation.

After a long while of standing in the hot sun, we were assigned two police officers to go with us on our mobile clinic. It was 10:00 am. We had until 12:00 pm to return the policemen to headquarters because today was their payday. I found out that even on some pay days, they were not always promised to receive their check but they still had to show up in person if they stood a chance of getting paid in order to take care of their families. That gave us about an hour and a half to put on clinic. Whew!

P.S. The brown tents you see in the picture were sent by the Sudanese, and the inside of the tents were covered with the most beautiful green and red patterned material you have ever seen! And because they are familiar with heat and elevated temperatures, the tents were very protective in nature and provided a little respite from the elements!

2 Corinthians 9:8
God is able to make all GRACE abound to you, so that in all THINGS at all TIMES, having all that you NEED, you will abound in every good work.

Haiti Day #3

2010-02-21T11:18:00.000-08:00

It is very unlike me to not find out someone's name whom I have encouraged, and yet this is what happened on day #3 in Haiti. I am extremely relational and normally something like this drives me crazy. But God brought me a special opportunity on this day. If I haven't already mentioned this, I have a huge heart for families and children, but especially moms and children. It is what drew me to labor and delivery and it is the reason I am now and OB/GYN nurse.

So on this particular day, God gave me a special opportunity. The first day that I was at the clinic God gave me a vision to see all the kids outside enjoying fresh air and sun and playing, even if they couldn't get out of their bed. So we transferred all of the kiddos to little cots that we had available and took them outside as well as provided them with coloring books, barbies, my little ponies, toy cars and games to stimulate their minds to healing, dreaming and creativity.

On this day, I was walking around watching all of the kids play and occasionally stopping to play with them. As I walked past this mother holding her baby, she stopped me to ask me about an infection that he had. It became apparent very quickly that she was concerned about a raw area that the baby had developed on his genital area. God told me that this mother was very worried that she had either done something to affect this or that she had neglected him in some way. So I asked her if this was true, and she admitted tearfully that it was. She began weeping and weeping. I assured her over and over that she was a good mom (and she was a very good mom, very attentive to her baby). That he was a baby and that sometimes they develop infections. We had medicine that we would give her to treat him and he would be better in no time.

I then began to tell her that God was watching over her baby, we talked through Psalm 139 together. I asked her if she believed what the Bible said was true and she answered yes. She was still weeping. I assured her that her baby having an infection was not God's punishment to her. We then read through the story of the bleeding woman and discussed how it reflects God's nearness to us, His care for His children and His power that He pours out on us.

Through some discussion, she began to describe in detail to me a dream that she had about a year ago where a man in white appeared to her. He told her in the dream that she was chosen to go and be a witness for Him. She was a regular church attender and so had heard about Jesus frequently. The misunderstanding that many Haitians hold is that God is real, but very abstract and very far away, that He cannot really be known.

So, asked her what she thought the dream meant, She thinks it was God. What do you think God was trying to tell you? That she should come to Him. Had she ever thought about the fact that God wants to have a relationship with her? Yes. Had she thought about that in a fond way, did it appeal to her to have a relationship with God? Yes. Had she ever told God that is something that she wanted? No. Would she like to tell God that now? Yes. So, I asked her to pray from her heart. She told me that she didn't know how to pray. She was still weeping. The only answer I could give at that point was to tell her that all you had to say in prayer to God was what you were feeling. That sometimes, in my greatest times of sorrow, the only thing I could do was tell God all that was in my heart and hurting, and that I trusted that God not only could hear me, but that He saw me (just like Hannah's story in 1 Samuel) and that He had a plan to fulfill His promises. And so, she began to pray. Unfortunately, I got so busy I didn't have time to ask my translator what she was praying. But I trusted that if it was the Holy Spirit that moved her, He would lead her to pray.

The best part about this story is that I had really done nothing at all. In fact, the only thing I really got to do was be a part of what God had already started in her. I was so blessed to have gotten such a big picture of God, and to simply be asked to come alongside of God in what He was already working out in her.

Psalm 138:8
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your love endures forever. He will not abandon the works of His hands.

Haiti Day #2

2010-02-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

Meet Wuzlyn. She is one of the mom's I had a chance to interact with on a daily basis at the clinic. She is the mother to Joseph (i.e. "Machine me, Stephanie. Machine me!"). She is a dear soul. I sat down with her one afternoon and began to talk to her about Jesus. Let me make it very clear that I do not usually just approach people and start talking to them about Jesus (although I do like to talk about Him alot)! I usually try to find out what the person is experiencing, what their hurts are and see if God leads me from there.

But Wuzlyn is different. I felt the Lord just asking me to go and start talking to her about Him. So, I did. She expressed to me that she had heard about Jesus many time, and even sometimes went to church. She has never had a relationship with Jesus. It became evident very quickly that her primary problem with following God is that she did not want to be a hypocrite, which she repeated many times over. I encouraged her that her attitude was a very noble quality in a woman, because God does not want hypocrites to be His followers. In fact, He is very serious about finding people who genuinely want to love Him and follow His leading.

I shared my brief 10 minute story of the gospel from creation to resurrection (which took about 30 minutes via translating with Reggie). We then took a deep rundown on what the Bible says about hypocrites, and sin. It is by grace that we have been saved, through faith-and this not from ourselves, but it is the gift of God-not by works, that no once can boast. That as fallen men and women, sin is inevitable and is a part of our earthly flesh, but that God desires true repentance. As we practice this, we are not hypocrites but indeed are the children of God being made more and more into the image of Christ.

It was quite clear that she was enjoying our conversation, she was indeed listening intently to the words that that God speaks through HIs word. She would often smile or laugh during parts of the story. My heart fluttered as God began showing me that He was really after this woman's heart.

After about two hours, Wuzlyn proclaimed to me, "Ok, thank you for sharing this with me. I will think about it for two weeks and let you know my decision." I laughed, as I thought to myself, "She doesn't have two weeks if she intends to let me know her decision, she only has about 7 days!" However, I assured her that the outcome of her decision or my knowing about it was not important. It was the Lord who was speaking to her and she needed to wrestle through that with Him. We laughed together as I gently told her, "Wuzlyn, I think God sent me here to tell you that He is waiting for you. My coming here was just so you could know who He was a little more clearly."

Every day that I came into the clinic after that she would smile and then give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her face lit up every time I came in the door. On the last day, she walked me out of the clinic, inquiring if I would be returning to Haiti. With joy in my heart but sadness over leaving yet another people which I had learned to dearly love, I told her that I was not sure if I would ever be returning to Haiti, or if I did if I would ever see her again. But I assured her that I was only a small speck in her life of what God wanted to do with her. That just like I said the first day we met, "God sent me here to tell you that He is waiting for you with open arms." She is the kind of woman God is looking for to bring Haiti to the place of reconciliation and restoration that God has planned.

I smiled as I walked away, knowing in my heart that God has such greater plans to fulfill in my life than even I have dreamed, and it has something to do with the nations on the earth. So even though I was sad to be leaving, the hope of God's plan for me could not be dampened. And I prayed that Wuzlyn would dream about how God wanted to work in her life, too.

God Has a Sense of Humor

2010-02-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

I felt it important to share with you some of the lessons that God shared with me on this trip. One is something I've already mentioned, dropping my own expectations. In fact, let me give you a brief rundown of the conversation that Patricia and I had right before I left:

Patricia: "Do you think you will be working with kids while you are there?"

Me: "Oh no, I don't know anything about assessing kids, I've never worked with kids in nursing. I hope I'll be doing something OB/GYN related like delivering babies but I realize that I might be asked to do anything."

Patricia: "Do you feel like you have already created any expectations for the trip?"

Me: "I'm not sure, I've tried not to."

Patricia: (Gently). "Just remember to be open to what God wants to do through you and where He wants to use you."

Me: "Ok, thanks."

This conversation is one reason why it was so funny that first day when I was assigned to work at the pedi clinic. But God knew that even if my hands were not skilled in nursing with kids, that my heart was right on target. And the things I didn't know about pediatrics and orthopedics, I figured out real quickly. :)

Snap back to several months ago when I was given and offer to pray about coming to work for a ministry in Haiti. I answered that I was not at a point to make that move right now, but that I would commit to praying about it and also finding out a little about the country of Haiti, since I didn't know very much. After a few turn of events that I will not mention here, I ended up standing in my room screaming at God that if He wanted me to go to Haiti, then He better find a different way to tell me. I remember being so frustrated with God and telling Him that He needed to be really clear.

Now, snap forward to be standing in the middle of the pedi clinic, smiling to myself that God has such a sense of humor. That He makes beauty from ashes and mourning into dancing. Our God is the ultimate redeemer. And I once again thought to myself, God is breaking all the rules and pulling out all the stops. So far, He has destroyed every one of my expectations (I didn't even think I had) for this trip, and I love it! How often do we ruin things God wants to put together by lofting up our own expectations (which we sometimes don't even realize) above God's? Relationships, family, work situations, friendships. Oh, Lord help us to break free!

Haiti Day #1

2010-02-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

Our first morning in Haiti began at 5:45 am as the beeping of the alarm clock awoke me and my teammates. We had been asked to sign up the night before for assignments that we would like to be placed on. There were several options, and this was the crazy part. Although crowds seemed well controlled and there was no rioting that we witnessed, the place was chaos. There were literally clinics and hospitals set up in any standing building in less than sanitary conditions. I have never seen anything like it. So our options were as follows:

1) The Police Station-where there was a general clinic set up and they also had the capability of doing minor surgeries with minimal anesthesia. The OR table was the police cheif's desk!

2) The University of Miami Hospital-located in a hangar at the airport, U of M set up 4 working operating rooms as well as an an entire wing of a hospital where pt's would go after surgery until they were discharged.

3) Mobile clinics-we take healthcare to the people in tent cities. With minimal meds, we would assess pt's, treat them if possible or take critical cases to the hospital.

4) Pediatric Postop clinic-this clinic had been set up in the chapel at the orphanage where we were staying, so those volunteering here wouldn't leave the base.

5) Commando Unit- some retired army soldiers had full protective gear and would take a few docs/nurses out into PAP to find critical patients that had not yet been identified and treated. If they found dead, they placed them in a body bag and took their bodies to the morgue.

We were told that the goal was to place everyone where they were skilled and would be most useful, but that they would also try to accommodate everyone's desires. I had signed up to go to the University of Miami, since I had circulated in the OR when I worked at the hospital, I thought I could be useful there.

At our morning team meeting, our assignments were announced. I was going to the University of Miami Hospital. Wait, what's that? Not enough people to stay and work at the pedi post op clinic? Nope, I'm staying home today folks. Now, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little disappointed. (Are we seeing a theme here yet?) After a brief moment, I decided that if this is where the Lord wanted me to go, here I would stay and work faithfully.

And I must tell you that by the end of the day I was laughing with God. He knows our hearts so well. I had the grandest day! I spent the day getting accustomed to the routines of the day in the clnic- make sure the children are properly medicated, wound care for the amputees, pin care for the femur fractures, bandage changes for the kids who had lost fingers, and finally, play with the kids.

My giftings could not have been more suited for such a setting. I spent alot of time getting to know the kids and the families that first day. Hearing theirs stories, lost hopes and dreams and encouraging them that God has not forgotten them. In fact, He is very near. And then I spent alot of time playing with the kids, most of whom are bedridden due to their full spica casts and pins in their legs. Reggie was our translator for the clinic, a young 23 year old computer science guy. He was so gentle and loving, and when he was not needed translating, he would spend time playing with the kids. He was so sweet to watch. Balloons, puzzles, Candyland and Chutes and Ladders were a hit as well as coloring books and hot wheels. Little boys in Haiti call hot wheels "machines" so by the end of the day every little boy in that place was screaming, "Stephanie, machine me, machine me!" I also taught several of them how to use my stethoscope, which was a huge hit!

There is something special about children that can not be duplicated. Their resilience, joy, and innocence brings so much of God's Kingdom to this earth and the verse (Luke 18:16), "Let all of the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these." And I realize more and more that this is the posture I am to have before God. And I pray that my response to God would become more like it has on this trip, and less like it has been stateside. That I would experience disappointments with a small sting, and then quickly pick up and press forward with confidence to take hold of the plans that He has for me!

Dreaming With God

2010-02-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

While I have your attention, I would like to share something with you that God has been teaching me. He is giving me a larger Kingdom mindset. After praying for so long that I would see God outside of the box that I have put Him in, I now see that He is answering that prayer and bringing me to a new level.

This is a quote from Bill Johnson's book, Dreaming With God: Co-Laboring with God for Cultural Transformation:

"The renewed mind understands that the King's dominion must be realized in all levels of society for an effective witness to take place. Someone with a Kingdom mind-set looks to the overwhelming needs of the world and says, 'God has a solution for this problem. And I have legal access to His realm of mystery. Therefore I will seek Him for the answer!'"

God, help us to dream with you...

Home Sweet Home

2010-02-13T17:59:00.000-08:00

Finally in Port au Prince

2010-02-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

Twelve hours after first boarding the bus, we finally arrive in PAP. Remember that little diddy I mentioned about laying down our own expectations? Well, let me just say I was glad I didn't know at the time that the drive really should have taken us about six hours.

It was very evident when we came closer to PAP. We began to see large piles of rubble dumped on the side of the road. We also began to see some tattered buildings and a few tent cities. Once we reached the road in the main city, it was very apparent. There was traffic like you've never seen before. It was chaos. A two lane road with semi's, dump trucks, buses, tap taps (the Haitian taxi), motorcycles and don't forget people. The only way to get ourselves in the chaos was to throw ourselves into it.

Which is exactly what our bus driver did. Which resulted in our bus touching fenders with a semi and the bumper touching a dump truck. It all took about 10 minutes (with 3 or 4 Haitians attempting to direct traffic) for us to unravel ourselves.

At first there was a little confusion about our destination...the police station (where there was a large clinic set up) or the orphanage (where there was a small pediatric post op clinic set up)? It was finally decided that our base would be the orphanage. :) Immediately on the grounds, I was washed over with such a sense of peace. The only part of the orphanage that was damaged was the roof of the chapel. This place was such a sanctuary compared to what we had seen on the way in.

Due to our late arrival into PAP, we really didn't have an opportunity to do much the first day. We were quickly directed to locate a tent which would be our home for the week. The girls from Austin (Michelle, Tammy, Jamie and myself) quickly located a tent and bunked our belongings as well as unloading all of the medical supplies we had packed.

After getting unloaded, I sat down with two Haitian ladies whom I discovered were hired to cook dinner for our team. All together, combined with the teams already there, we numbered about 50. I was immediately overwhelmed with so much joy as I sat down with these two women. I felt at home, complete. I knew that this is what I was created for...somehow, I have an inkling that God is calling me to women in many nations. God is so good to me.

Border Crossing

2010-02-13T16:58:00.000-08:00

Finally at the border, everyone felt relieved because we knew the drive to Port au Prince would not be much longer. Another YWAM bus met us at the border and instructed us that, as we assumed, our entire group was not going to St. Marc. Our team was indeed supposed to go to PAP. Although relieved, there quickly came another frustration.

That morning, there were two buses that set out for Haiti and no one had any clue where the other bus was. We were instructed to wait. We also had to produce all of our passports and signatures to be reviewed by the border police. During our two hour layover at the border, it went something like this:

Everyone unload their luggage.
People going to St. Marc put your luggage back on the luggage trailer.
People going to PAP place all of your luggage inside the back of your bus.
Everyone unload your luggage.
People going to St. Marc put your luggage on the bus.
People going to PAP place your luggage on the luggage trailer.
Go to the bathroom, walk around get back on the bus.

Finally, we were on our way to PAP! These are just some pics of what we saw when crossing the border. We saw a U.S. army convoy and many large dump trucks and aid trucks traveling into Haiti. The other picture you see is just across the border into Haiti. The land is really beautiful. This is the largest body of fresh water in Haiti, and the Haitians have to keep moving the road up the mountainside because the water keeps rising. Only no one knows how because it rises even when they haven't had any rain.

Could this be a sign of what God wants to do in Haiti?

Dropping Expectations

2010-02-13T16:02:00.000-08:00

4am. Roosters crowing. Quiet breeze on the veranda. We awake to the alarm clock, quickly jump up, shower and gather all of our luggage together. Make our PB&J for the long road trip ahead.

Up until this point, we knew few details about our trip. The remainder of our team had not shown up until 3 am, after we were already asleep. They got a blissful 45 minutes of sleep before they were up again. Downstairs, the YWAM Dominican leaders were trying to sort out three different teams. After alot of confusion, we were instructed that our team was headed to St. Mark, a city approximately 2 hours outside of Port au Prince (PAP) where a large group of refugees were being sent and a hospital had been established. However, all of our medical supplies had been packed specifically for Port au Prince, and we all had a strong desire to go there.

A little hesitantly, our entire team (including our leaders Jillian and Bonnie) climbed on the bus to St. Mark. This was our first reminder about who was really in control of the situation. We had signed up to serve the Lord, and He wanted us to know that we were here for His plans and purposes and not our own. A little disappointed, but with renewed purpose we were off.

Praise God, we did have an air conditioned bus! However, it was clear this was not going to be a comfortable bus ride as all of the seats were full except for two. We were packed like sardines.

The bus ride could be described somewhere between comical, frustrating and nauseating. At once, bumping and flying 100 km/hr down the road. The next, coming to a complete halt so we don't bottom out the bus and the luggage trailer in a small vehicle sized pothole. More than one team member felt a little queezy. After the first three hours, witness our first bathroom stop.

With 30+ people on board, bathroom stops can take quite a long time. So I begin to make conversation with our Haitian bus driver, Mackenzie. He tells me about his wife, his family, his life. And then...our conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Approximately how long do you think until we reach the border?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "How long do you think until we reach Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know."

Me: "Aren't you from right outside Port au Prince?"
Mackenzie: "Yes."

Me: "But you don't know how long it takes to get there?"
Mackenzie: "I don't know, I've never driven there before.

After multiple stops to ask directions to Jimani (near the border), headed down a dirt road only to turn around and retrace our steps, several near death experiences with motorcycles and a few more bathroom stops, we FINALLY made it to the border. Needless to say, everyone's patience was wearing a little thin. I, however, just had to laugh.

Driving on a bus in a third world country was everything I remembered it to be, and it brought back great memories. It also made me realize another thing, this was such a good lesson for all of us. God says that His ways our not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He had seen every leg of our journey and none of this surprised Him.

Americans are such an organized, goal oriented, efficient society primarily concerned with results and instant gratification. And I have to wonder, is God as cared about our efficiency, organization and goal setting as we are? Or is He more concerned about the process and what He wants to show us in that? Without all of these cultural lenses to look through, I felt free and clear of any expectation, and it was good! I'm not suggesting that God does not want us to have expectations, but He wants us to have His expectations, not our own. And although I felt very hot and little on edge, I smiled to myself as I realized that God has so much more in store for me than I allow Him to give me because I refuse to lay down my own expectations.

One Night in the Dominican Republic

2010-02-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

After several flights and many long hours in the air, Dr. Garza, Jaime, Tammy and myself finally landed at the airport in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. It was approximately 8:30 pm. The Santo Domingo airport was small and quaint. The walls plastered with pictures of Dominican children, and the many beautiful sights and vacation spots in the DR.

After a brief walk to customs, we found out that they were waiving the visa fee for anyone traveling through the DR to reach Haiti (hey, every little penny counts). We then proceeded to the baggage carousel to pick up our packs and medical supplies. I think our bags were the last to come off because it felt like we waited for a long time.

Leaving Austin, we had discovered that our team leader's (Bonnie) flight had been cancelled and she would not be able to meet us at the airport. The rest of our team wasn't going to come in until around 11:30 pm and we were instructed to take a taxi to the YWAM house in Santo Domingo. With Dr. Garza's handy Iphone we were able to access directions in Spanish for the taxi driver, since I was the most proficient Spanish speaker in the group and I can imagine how funny you all think this is.

So, after a short walk out to the taxi station outside the airport and about 10 taxi drivers seeking our business, we finally settled on a taxi that was an SUV to accomodate all four of us and our luggage. After struggling to negotiate a price for our taxi, we finally settled on $60. Two cab drivers then attempted to cram all of our luggage into the back storage space (which was quite a feat in itself and very funny).

There was a term that came up in Haiti that went something like, "There is always room for one more." And the cab drive with all of our luggage was no exception. I wish I had snapped a photo.

Along our drive I attempted to ask the driver if he lived in Santo Domingo and for how long? Did he have any kids? A wife? What were there names? After struggling with my broken spanish and driving for about 40 minutes I decided to ask him, "Cuanto tiempo a la casa?" He answered, "45 kilometres." Being so tired, and not being very proficient in Spanish, my mind started spinning. I was imagining 45 miles, and we had already been driving for 40 minutes. In my mind, he was definitely lost. Or kidnapping us. It is a terrible feeling to be at the mercy of someone you don't know in a foreign county, who speaks a totally different language, in an unmarked taxi and to not know their motives. And as a woman, it is easy to become quite paranoid about these kinds of things. I decided, at least for the time to remain silent.

After a very long cab ride, and our driver putting the car in reverse on the "shoulder" of a one way street and calling the YWAM house, we finally ran into a YWAM truck that led us to the house. What an adventure for our first day!

One big blessing straight from heaven was that when we got to the house, they had left over burritos from dinner. We were starving! We had the opportunity to sleep on the veranda of this beautiful (previously owned by a drug lord) house. :) There was a beautiful breeze and we were all so tired we went straight to sleep.

Arise and Go

2010-02-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, look how long it has been since I have felt inspired to write.

In an attempt to share my experience in Haiti with you, I am going to be posting blogs periodically as best I can keep up. Because I didn't have a cool Iphone like everyone else on my team, I didn't have a chance to communicate during the time that I was there. So, I am going to recall from memory as best as I can all of my experiences...some funny, very many sad, and also stories of hope.

All along, before I went on this trip I heard God speaking to me, "Arise and Go." My time of mourning, sadness, bitterness and pessimism were done. Now is my time to arise and go....go to what, you might ask? Well, maybe you can figure that out with me. I'm not sure yet, but I know that God is ushering in a new day and a new time in my life, where I will grab hold of all of His promises for me. I will go and bring God's Kingdom to this earth as much as I am humanly possible, I will go and bring joy and hope....I will arise and go.

I hope you will enjoy reading about my experiences as much as I loved being there, but mostly I hope it shows you who God is and what He is doing among the nations.

New Treasures in Unusual Places

2009-08-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things in life is reading books. There is almost nothing better to me than this. And yesterday, Patricia brought me to a new bookstore, called Mardel in Cedar Park. It turns out, sometimes they have great stuff in the suburbs...who knew? I certainly don't intend to stay in the burbs forever, but it has it's perks.

I'm not sure how long we stayed in the store, but it felt like a couple of hours. Among my most favorite finds is the "Super Bargain" section. But this isn't like other bookstore's "Super Bargain" section. They actually had awesome books...FOR $5! Among my finds yesterday which I am excited to get started on are:

Girl Soldier: A Story of Hope for Northern Uganda's Children
Singing Through the Night: Courageous Stories of Faith from Women in the Persecuted Church
Having a Mary Spirit: Allowing God to Change Us from the Inside Out
Unshaken:A Novella About Ruth
Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers

The last of these I've read before, and it's been a while. Great book, and since it was only $5 I figured it was worth owning! I'm also reading, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, given to me by one of my friends at Austin Lifecare.

I really wish I had more to write today. But recently, I've not felt lead to write as much. There are sometimes in my life when it is hard to communicate what God might be doing in my heart. It's a little confusing, and hasn't yet come to fruition. Some days are frustrating, some days are full of joy and peace and most days are somewhere in the middle. But I know my God never lets go of me I know He is dear to me and never lets go of me. I know I can't make it through any day without Him, but what He is accomplishing in all of this I'm not sure, but I know He promises that it will bring Him glory and it will be for my good. So, I hope that on your own journey of life and love you experience this same intimacy with Christ in your life. Because whether or not I'm writing about what's in my heart, Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I find that daily, He is making my relationships richer. My life richer. My daily journies with Him richer. My hurts, worries, and fears richer. It is often painful as I am forced to see how selfish I am and how impossible it would be for me to overcome this without Christ. This, my friends is a rich life, this is my journey of life and love....

I love you, Mary J.!

2009-06-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

I have to say, nothing cures a pity party like Mary J. Blige....I'm feeling so ridiculously awesome about myself it's unbelievable, and I don't mind telling you that. It's a good today! Thank you, Mary J.! And for those of you who haven't heard her album, the Breakthrough, today is the day you should go and do that.

Psalm 16

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no god thing."
As for the saints who are in the land, they are glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
Even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
My body will also rest secure because you will abandon me to the grave,
Nor let your holy one see decay. You have made known to me the path of my life;
You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Peter's Cure for Enduring Suffering

2009-06-07T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I stole this from someone somewhere, but when I was writing in my journal I failed to mention whom, so please forgive me for stealing, but it is beautiful and something I need every day right now. I was reading through some of my old entries and I had worked my way through this passage in 1 Peter Chapter 4. Regarding suffering:

1) Expect it
~(vs 12) Beloved, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as thought something strange were happening to
you.

2) Rejoice in it (both now and later)
~(vs 13) But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

3) Know that you will be blessed and have God's Spirit
~(vs 14) If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.

4) Evaluate why you are suffering and do not be ashamed
~(vs 15 & 16) If you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name!

5) Understand that God's judgement first begins with His children.
~(vs 17) For it is time for judgement to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for
those who do not obey the gospel of God?

6) Entrust your soul to God and keep doing what is right no matter what the cost.
~(vs 19) So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their FAITHFUL creator and continue
to do good.

“In your presence is fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forever more.” Psalm 16:11

“All my empty dreams suddenly lost their charm and my heart began to throb with a bewildering passion for the wisdom of eternal truth…My God, how I burned with longing to have wings to carry me back to you, away from all earthly things, although I had no idea what you would do with me!” -Augustine

Freedom

2009-06-07T09:22:00.001-07:00

If God has ever loved you enough to set you free from something REALLY big, then you know how much work it takes, and how exhausting it can make oneself. Or in my case, multiple REALLY big things. And this is where I find myself today. Full of joy, and standing in full assurance of God's promises to me, but exhausted because every waking moment is a battle.

Even now, I feel tired and am tempted to go take a nap, but I know I won't. Instead, I am going to share a little about what God has shown me lately. He has displayed His full gospel in me. First, what a doubtful sinner I am, primarily longing after the things that I want instead of waiting patiently for the Lord to bless me with every beautiful gift. And how prone I am to wander away from Him. How after all this time, there are still so many dark places in my heart that the Lord wants to shed light on and set me free. And this is the first place we must all come to, a realization that God is holy and perfect and that we will never find full satisfaction apart from knowing Him. In Him is all light, and all goodness, all radiance-it's where I find my true self. Because this body is shadowed with the taint of this earth, and Satan is constantly looking to steal from me everything that the Lord awards me. And many days, I feel defeated.

But one of the dearest scriptures to my heart has been 1 John 4:4 and Hebrews 7:25,

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

And friends, that is the best news I've ever heard. When I am to weary, tired or defeated to fight for myself, my Savior fights for me. When I am not strong enough to endure, the one who is in me endures for me. In Him is all the strength I will ever need. And His arm is not sure, He doesn't leave a work have done. No, He is able to save COMPLETELY.

But in the end of battle, I know the rest and sweetness that will come to me through Christ Jesus. Acts 3:19 is one of my most favorite scriptures,

Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

Do I have a role in God's healing and ability to set me free? Yes, to repent, to turn my face to the Lord's. And what does He do? Purifies me, wipes me clean, heals me, and brings the sweetest refreshing one could imagine.

In the meantime, God shows me how beautiful I am because He desires me. He created me and He has called me:

Redeemed of the Lord
Sought after
God's delight is in me
Precious
Beautiful
Loved
Healed
Free

It's a process, I'm walking through it. I'm striving with all my might towards the Light, and He is meeting me. My life is His word. The Hope of Christ is my anchor to my sould, firm and secure even when I am not. His grace is STRONG. His mercy is new every morning. He has called me, He is faithful and He does the good work in me that He promises to finish. God is greater than my heart, and he knows all. My delight is in Him.

I was darkness, but He has made me light. Now I am light in Jesus Christ my Lord. Everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible.

If anyone else is struggling with a place of darkness or bondage, I encourage you to turn your face to the Lord. Endure. Press through. Press into Jesus, for He will not fail. And know that freedom is painful...it comes at a price. Christ accomplished it on the cross, and it is a free gift, all we must do is accept. But in this world it is not easy, and it takes work.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes, not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1

P.S. The photo is a picture of a Zambian sunset.

Say My Name, Bastian!

2009-05-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were big geeks and remember the Never Ending Story reference. I was actually never a huge fan, but this was my brother's FAVORITE movie when we were growing up and I had to watch it...alot...over and over and over again.

But on to the exciting news...Noah can OFFICIALLY say my name now! It was a very big day in the Flenniken/Brown household...big. While Patricia, Krysta and I were taking Noah for a walk tonight, he finally managed to get out....

STEPH!

Big deal...I have been waiting for so long (make that 9 months now)! Praise the Lord, no more "Goga." And only one day late for my birthday present!

Willy Wonka

2009-04-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

I love watching Noah grow in independence. As the big two and a half year old now, He can most certainly do "almost anything" by himself. Tonight, he wanted me to watch WIlly Wonka with him (he LOVES Willy Wonka). And so do I, so it works out...at least until 24 came on.

Uh hem, anyways. It was very humorous. He would be thrilled, squealing, delighted one minute and the next, something in the movie would make him afraid. He would instantly run and plop himself in my lap. Yes, plop. Sometimes he would just sit, other times he would lean back and relax on me (making it difficult to breathe, I might add-even though he doesn't weigh that much) and other times he would nestle his head in my neck and just lie there. And yet other times he would pretend as if he were not really scared and just kind of sit next to me with his hand on my leg. At that moment, I thought that there was nothing so precious as a cute, sweet little boy running to me for refuge. Truly, made my whole day, and I was already having a pretty good one.

I am so in love with that kid!

Happiness?

2009-04-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day:

"Happiness. Who needs the real thing when you can have it in a pill?"

-Heather

Redeemed

2009-04-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

My Prayer for Today:

Lord, I don't know how to pray for your will right now, but I want it desperately...so give me the strength.

This is one heart that is so grateful to be redeemed.

How Mission Exposes Our Heart

2009-04-19T10:04:00.001-07:00

I just listened to an incredible sermon by Matt Chandler on how living on mission exposes the true state of our hearts and the things that we value. It was really crazy great. I have noticed this take shape in my own life over the years as I have learned to love and have a relationship with Jesus.

The more areas of my heart that I submit to God, and the more He uses me in my everyday spaces, the more I realize that I am like the Israelites of the old testament who groaned and complained about what they didn't have, rather than what they did. The Israelites that rebelled against God and chose to consume their time with things other than communing and meeting with the God that sought them. It's ugly, and it's taken away a little of that light-hearted happiness that used to characterize me, but I have been filled with far greater joy in my inner spirit. I feel more secure in my own salvation, not because of any works of my own, but because I know that my God is mighty to save and He made the perfect Way for me to come to Him.

But these deeper things will never be revealed to you while your sitting on the sidelines, waiting to get in the game. Those who consider themselves "religious" will never be led to true satisfaction, because their eyes are masked. They can't quite reconcile the cross with who they are, or were created to be. I can only say this because I have been there.

But I've also taken another Way, and know that much more is in store for me as I walk this road. It's a road with Jesus. My God who has become my Everything, and the pursuit of my life. But I never figured that out before I got in the game, and started living every part of my life for Him. And when you live for Him, you live for His people....every one whom He created. And that's hard. I need more than myself and every bit of love that I can muster up to do that most days. I literally could not do any of this life without Jesus. It's not everything I thought it would be, but the person He makes me is so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Alot of my thoughts feel blurred today, like I haven't quite reached the point of what I wanted to say. I feel that way almost every day. But to me, that's the mystery of Jesus. I will never gain full understanding until I am with Him in glory. And even now, what I do love and understand and yearn for of Jesus is not anything I have achieved in my own strength, but a reward from Him. And I don't understand it, but I love that I don't understand it. I love that I will spend the rest of my life trying, and I still won't quite get it. I'm so thankful that it's not about me, for Jesus says,

"Stop grumbling among yourselves, no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and i will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.'"

The sermon is podcasted from The Village as The Great Cause: The Call to Mission. Check it out.

Rocks

2009-04-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

I need to write! I mean, do you ever just have so much in you, you just can't get it to come OUT? That's where I am right now, sitting on the front porch swing. And I need to rejoice ALOT, sing ALOT, dance some. Because there have been alot of really hard things for me over the last couple of years. And sometimes I just need to REJOICE in the times where the Lord brings refreshing. And the peace and refreshing He has brought me into the last few days is oh so sweet, sweeter than I could have ever imagined for myself.

Christ in me, the hope of glory!
Be my everything!

And that's how near He has been to me recently. I know He's God, and so technically He's always near. But I mean the times when I can FEEL His manifest Presence. I am consumed. I am so full that no words or song or dance could express what is in my heart. Consumed I tell you. And you know what? Jesus? He LOVES it. He has been my breath, my thoughts, my sleeping and waking, my hope, my heart, my joy, my Life, my tears, my smiles. He is IT!

I feel like a weight has fallen off.
My heart feels free.
And my spirit is restless for more of Jesus.

I feel like this thing that is rolling forward in my heart cannot be stopped. This passion, this consuming love and peace, nothing can hinder it. I am alive to live for Jesus. He gave everything for me. I am free to live, free to give, free to be. Free to love Jesus all I want, and all I can take. And be made complete.

And I know that these things are always true. But sometimes I get in the way of them. Or sometimes my reactions to other people get in the way. Lots of things get in the way. And I know the days will come again soon, where I will feel helpless and broken. Sad and desperate for this emptiness in me to be filled. Longing for HIs Presence to be so close to me again. ANd I will be crying again in the arms of my Jesus. For I know that nothing here on this earth will ever satisfy, and I will fight this emptiness for the rest of my time here. But Jesus will never fail me in my time on this earth. When I am broken, I am comforted and strengthened. I am desperate. And there is no better way to be than desperate in the presence of Jesus.

I hope that when those times return, I will cling to Jesus and remember how sweet it is to walk with Him through everything, and the reward that comes when I do. I pray that future times of refreshing will be sweeter than the one I am in now, and that I would trust Him more in the next trial than I do right now.

But right now, I am full. So full. So full I'm going to burst.

Luke 19:39-41

39Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples!"

40"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

41As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it

I Wish I Had Written These Lyrics

2009-04-16T15:54:00.001-07:00

I am stealing these lyrics, I repeat...I am stealing these lyrics. I wish I had written them myself, but for now they will have to speak for me so much of what God has been producing in me recently.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For your Presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could you take me beyond?
Could you carry me through?
If I open my heart,
Could I go there with you?

For I've been there before,
But I know there's still more.
Oh Lord, I NEED to know you.

What do I have, if I don't have you Jesus?
What in this life could mean anymore?

You are my....Rock
You are my....Glory
You are....the lifter of my head

Take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for your glory
In everything i say and do
Let my life honor you
Here I am
Living for your glory

Seek ye first the kingdom
Seek ye first the kingdom of my Lord

This world is not enough for me;
This world is not enough for me;
You can take the world, just give me You...
Just give me You
All I have is You
All I want is You

Could you imagine a better love story? I am so thankful that I have a Lover so great. Who loves me deeply, perfectly, and just as I am. In His presence I know that no matter where I am in my walk, I have been made perfectly. Not on this earth, but I am the image of perfect, and in His presence I can rest in my imperfections because He loves me exactly where I am...right now...without stipulation. I'm not under a microscope, no one is watching me, I don't care how I've messed up that day. I'm not condemning myself for the wrong things I said or the wrong actions I took. I'm just resting. Knowing, that the image I was made in will one day be fulfilled in Glory. But not by my own perfection, by the blood of Jesus. I can't wait to see Him face to face. When the perfection I long to be a part of will be made complete.

I never fail to be amazed by the fact that God created me for Him, to boast His glory. He created me FOR Him, to manifest His glory. And while He uses me as a light to the world, my soul is so beyond satisfied. I know I am delighted in, extravagantly. The one thing every little girl dreams of. I am Loved! My Jesus is rejoicing over me! He SINGS over me! Oh Jesus, I love you. I can't wait till you come for me again.

Refresh

2009-04-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite verses recently has been Acts 3:19.

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."

And I am so thankful for those times of refreshing, but I am so tired of needing them so frequently. I am so tired of doing what I do not want to do and not doing what I want to do, as Paul says. Every day, I enter this constant battle. I literally feel pain in my heart when I sin and do not focus on what Christ has given me to do right now. But often, I still choose not to do it. Often my thoughts, heart and affections turn to all of the things I really want in my life, and if I'm not careful, they can consume me.

Romans 7:21-23
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

So, this is the life of a lover of Christ. How do we ever do it? So many times, I try to live this life in my own strength, and I realize it more and more every day. Every day that the Lord reveals more of myself to me, I am forced to the same conclusion as Paul, "What a wretched man I am!" But today, as I take an escape from life, and from the world, and sit with Jesus, I am reminded.

Jesus=the one who saves, because Jesus was sent to save us from our sins. Because I was an enemy of God, and there was nothing I could do in my own power or strength to get to God.

What I noticed in Acts chapter 3 that I had never fully understood before was this:

In the beginning, John and Peter give a crippled beggar the gift of Jesus and the man is instantly healed. The bible says, "the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk and jump and praise God." As they walked through the temple, called Beautiful, all of the people were astonished and came running to them. Peter addresses the crowd,

"Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

Why does it seem like the longer I walk with Christ, the more I try in my own strength to heal myself? I thought it was supposed to go the other way. When Jesus first found me, my faith was so simple and easy. Why now do I try to make it so complicated? But, I realize now that God doesn't want our faith to be simple and easy.

Nope, what He wants more than anything else in the world is for me to need Him, every day, in every thought, action or word. He wants me right there, with Him. And when I let Him, He is glorified. When God does the work, it's really not about me at all, although He is growing me in Christ-likeness and preparing me for His will.

And now, I have more of an appreciation for Acts 3:19 than I did before. Jesus words are clear....REPENT! Stop trying to be in control, stop seeking other lovers. Be deeply grieved when you do, for when I repent and turn to God, it is He that wipes away my sins. It is the Lord that brings the times of refreshing. I can't do any of it on my own, but the sweetness I find at the end of the road that Jesus' leads is like honey to my soul.

Only Jesus can bring complete healing.
Only Jesus can refresh my soul, and make me whole.
Only Jesus...

May this Easter be a time that we all reflect on Christ and who He is.

I Am From....

2009-03-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

I recently followed a list of random blogs to one in particular of a woman that goes to my church who works with refugees. She mentioned a book that talked about how it is important for refugees to remember where they came from, to remember who the Lord created them to be, not as a typical working white class American, but who they are in spirit and heart. Part of how she helps refugees to do this is to write a poem about where they are from.

I liked this idea. I started thinking about how most days, I feel like a refugee. Someone set apart, feeling like I don't know this world, and like I was made for something greater. That the Place I came from looks very different from the world I see in front of me everyday. Although the routine feels familiar, the canvas looks nothing like I remember. And it feels lonely. So painfully lonely. Sometimes little pieces of my dreams are chipped away at day by day, and I have to hold so tightly to them. To fight for the treasures in my heart. So, I thought I would write my own I Am From poem...

I Am From...

A place where joy and laughter is treasured
And practiced often.
A place of freedom and adventure
Taking off on the bikes all day,
Splashing and following the
Ripples of the creek.
Lots of cousins and family
A land of dress up,
Where I was treasured
And called beautiful.

Where imaginations were encouraged to go wild
A place of unconditional love
Of loving discipline
Puddle splashing in rainstorms
Sitting on the porch
Picking up pecans
"Forts" made of old beat up sheets
A place where music thrived
And creativity roused

Neighborhood get-togethers
Children laughing
Hide and Go Seek
Red Rover
Jumping on the trampoline
Various bumps and bruises
That spoke of an adventurous life
Where dreams were made real

Where life is simple
and uncomplicated
Love given freely
and Love accepted freely
Love unquestioned,
Love unconditional

What happened to that world? My heart longs for it, and more. So much more.

Broken Pottery

2009-03-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

I am definitely stealing this from Beth Moore, but it was so beautiful I couldn't think of a better way to rewrite it.

He is Jesus.
The One and Only.
Transcendent over all else.
To know Him is to love Him.
To love Him is to long for Him.
To long for Him is to finally reach
soul hands into the One true thing
we need never get enough of.

Jesus.

Take all you want.
Take all you need.
Till soul is fed.
And spirit freed.
Till dust is dust.
And Face you see.

Jesus Christ

He is all you need.

Now back to my own words. Never has there been a name sweeter or more important to me than His.

No other name has the power to break down the walls of my heart so instantaneously or bring healing so immediately, or comfort so closely. When I am hurting and I think it impossible to climb out of the darkness, He meets me in His goodness and glory. When I think I don't have the strength to endure, I receive grace and power to endure anyways.

It makes me question how we don't speak His name to each other more often. His name is life to me, I'm desperate for more of Him. I'm craving for Him to satisfy me until I am even more in need of Him. And although i realize that this is a season of my life that I've needed Him like no other, I pray that longing will always be as necessary as it is today, right now.

And as I've served and loved some of the most broken and hurting women and children I've ever met in both America and Zambia, I have had the opportunity to witness His name at work. I've seen a mother of three, whose husband has just died, abused by her mother, jobless, broken and living in absolute poverty lose it over the name of Jesus.

I've seen a drug addict, completely strung out, begging for someone...anyone...to love her. And I've seen her come to tears and receive joy and peace because she was told that Our Lord is close to the broken hearted. That Jesus sees her as beautiful, desirable and honored, precious and wants to restore her life to rightness with her Savior.

I don't know what happens to alot of these women when our lives go their own directions, but I can't help hope that just a small dropling of Christ's ultimate love will down the road turn into a beautiful rainstorm, and all His glory will be poured out on their lives.

And I'm thankful that I have Jesus to heal and restore my own life. Because more and more everyday, I realize how broken I really am. As the psalmist says, "I have become like broken pottery." And that's where He meets me, everyday. Slowly but surely, putting me back together. You are beautiful, Jesus and I love you.

The Real St. Patrick

2009-03-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

Click here to read the story of a man who gave his life to barbarians so they could know Christ...
http://theresurgence.com/Vintage_Saints_Saint_Patrick_Part_1

Also, Thomas Cahill's, "How the Irish Saved Civilization" has been on my to read list for about two years.

God Grew Tired of Us

2009-03-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most fabulous documentary's I've seen. Perhaps it is because it so vividly depicts the African culture, or because it makes me long for heaven, or because their culture inspires me to how all lovers of Christ should live while here on earth. But I highly recommend it. I believe there is also a book, which I will probably be reading but haven't yet. But I am thankful for my time in Africa, and for the friends I've met there. Because they have enlarged my vision of what I want my own life to look like. I want to live not only for Christ, but for others too. So here are some of my dreams that I want to share with you.

1) I want to be married one day. I don't always think things will be bright and rosy, but I want to be in this mission that Christ has placed in my heart with someone. And I want to love others with someone. I want the way we love each other, and those around us, to be a beautiful reflection of Christ.

2) I want to have babies. And I want to adopt babies. I don't know how many, but I do love me some children.

3) I would one day like to own a big house, and invite a few singles and a family of African refugees to live with me and my family, and make a bigger family that shares culture, Christ, suffering, happiness and fun. I want to live that picture of heaven while I am here on earth, and beg the Lord to one day give me that opportunity.

4) I want to have lots of people around, and make them breakfast and dinner...everyday. I love to cook, and feed people. And I love community that happens around a yummy meal. I want to celebrate life in Christ, everyday with the people I love the most.

Call me simple. There is not a greater dream to me in the world. I want to bring a very tiny piece of heaven to earth.

Favor

2009-03-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was reflecting on how blessed I am, and how much favor the Lord has been bestowed upon me. Sometimes in walking through the deserts of life, we forget the immense periods of blessing and those times in life when God has been so clear and extravagant in His love towards us. I try my best to write them down, so that I can go back and read them, but that skill still has much to be perfected.

Thank you Jesus:

1) The incredible joy, love, wonder and awe that is stirred in me when I read about the nations, watch international news, or read stories from international missionaries. AND of course, when I reflect on my time in Zambia. There is nothing more beautiful than cultures coming together under the name of Christ.

2) That God has given me an incredible career where I am able to love and bless people in a personal, direct way. And that it FREQUENTLY requires me to clothe myself in humility. That my boss is a fellow believer and that my job actually seems like an extension of ministry because I know I work with people who see my office as a mission field. Thank you Dr. Garza, and thank you Kathy (you are beautiful) for being such an encouragement to me everyday.

3) For my own biological family that loves me unconditionally and is there for my every need. Thank you for laying down your own lives to serve me.

4) The incredible joy and gift it is as a single to live with a family that LOVES Jesus and wants to make Him an everyday part of their life. That through them, God has done something new in me. He has moved my heart towards marriage and love of family that I had not previously known. And although those desires are still wanting in my own life, I thank God for showing me the beauty of them through this family. Greg and Patricia, thank you for being such a beautiful example of Christ in your marriage and parenting. Thank you for taking me in as one of your own, you will never know how you have blessed me!

5) To Krysta, Kelsi, and Kayla. Thank you for being the sisters I never had. For loving me everyday with your beautiful smiles, hugs, notes and laughter. And for allowing me to love and encourage you. I pray for you often, that you would know the complete and utter joy of being satisfied in Christ.

6) Dr. Garza and his wife had a fundraiser for their trip to the Dominican Republic. Even though it was quite chilly outside, I had the privilege of sitting on their lawn, listening to three amazing musicians: Gina Chavez, Aaron Ivey and of course Dr. Garza's band. It was a beautiful night of praise and worship of our King, and I find myself so thankful to live in a country where we can express our love for God loudly and openly without persecution.

7) I am even thankful for the many deserts I have walked through over the last year and a half. Although difficult, and through shedding many tears, I have been ruined for Christ. Let's take a look at the word ruined. It means, "a person at the wreck of his or her former self, the act of destroying totally." Every day, Christ continues to destroy what is lacking in purity, unholy and displeasing to Him and rebuilding the ruins of my heart and mind. And so it is, Christ wants to totally remake each of us into something that is a beautiful reflection of Him and I am thankful that although sometimes painful, He never lets go of me.

8) For my beautiful community, who are extravagant in their love for me. Thank you for continuing to point me to Christ, lifting me up in prayer, encouraging me, and making me laugh. I love you all so dearly.

The list could go on, but I fear it might go on forever. In recounting God's blessings, how could I ever doubt His goodness to me? How about you, how has God favored you recently?

Oaks of Righteousness

2009-03-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Sundays. Sundays are my days. Every other day it is my joy to pour out all that I am to hopefully radiate the glory of Christ where ever I go. But Sundays are completely and wholly mine. My time to meet with God, be romanced by Him, enjoy Him and find myself in Him. There is nothing better than being behind closed doors with the Lover of my soul. And as an additional bonus, I have the house all to myself today because Patricia and Greg went on vacation, the girls are with their mom and Noah is at Aunt Stacy and Uncle Trent's.

Today I have been reading about God's planting. Isaiah 61 says,

"They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

I stopped to ponder exactly what it meant to be an oak of righteousness. Honestly, God comparing me to a tree doesn't exactly make my heart quiver with excitement (even though I am a naturalist and do love trees). And a descriptor of righteousness doesn't quite seem to fit most days. But that last part, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor made me want to leap out of my chest. The word display and also splendor in Hebrew is the word Pa'ar. Here are some of the definitions: to embellish, beautify, adorn, to glorify, to be glorified, to bring honor, give honor, to boast. Can you believe that? God's extravagant love. It never ceases to amaze me. He makes me beautiful. He adorns me with honor and glory. Not my own glory, but His. He boasts about me. He brags about me and shows me off to people. Then I began to think this verse maybe didn't sound so bad. So, I decided to look a little further.

Isaiah 60:21
They are the shoot I have planted, the work of my hands, for the display of my splendor.

Psalm 1:3
He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does, he prospers.

Jeremiah 17:8
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

I love God. He says that I am like an oak of righteousness. That my soul is a deep well submerged in Christ. My roots grow deep, and at their deepest place they are fed by the Living spring. And that Living spring never dries up, even in times of trouble.

It's not easy to lay down my life every day for Christ, and to give Him Lordship over all of my thoughts, longings, desires, fears, worries, and anxieties. But when I do, He promises that the favor He produces through my life will not wither, it will be ever producing because He is planting in me the display of His splendor. I love the verse, it has no worries in a year of drought. I find myself consumed by daily worries at times, and it is a miserable place to be. In the presence of Jesus, in complete surrender is when I find quiet rest. He is faithful to create this in us because He wants to be glorified. He wants His splendor to be displayed. Because His beauty is perfect beauty, and it shines forth.

How about you? How does it create worship in you to know that God plants you as an oak of righteousness? What does it mean to you that He is the one that does the planting? Sit back and enjoy the work that only Christ can do.

Secret Riches

2009-02-22T10:45:00.000-08:00

I love the book of Isaiah. The more I walk with God and grow closer to Him, the more I can relate to the poor inhabitants of Israel who could never do anything right. They disobeyed God, they worshipped idols, they were unfaithful, and God repeatedly corrected and scolded them. But right in the middle of all that, God also restores them...over and over again. This book speaks to the deep rebellion that lies in the heart of every human, but also shows the bigness and overwhelming nature of God's love for us. He is long suffering, and His love is patient. It never ends, I am never too needy for Him. Never too broken for Him, and never to zealous over Him. I am always enough in God's eyes, just as I am right now.

As I mentioned previously, I am in need of great deliverance from myself. From my selfishness, from control, from all my own wants and desires...to be fully surrendered what God would have for me. And I honestly don't know what that is right now. The one thing I know that God always wants is my heart, my affections, and He spoke it powerfully through Isaiah today.

Isaiah 45:2-3

I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you my name.

Some of the biggest mountains God must level are the ones surrounding my heart. The strongest bars of iron and gates of bronze are the defenses I've built up to protect myself. But more and more, I am learning that God is the one who needs to hold the place of defender. Not my own efforts at protecting myself, but allowing God to defend all of my vulnerabilities. There is so much more that He wants to show me and bless me with that my own defenses keep me from receiving

And you know what God promises me? That He will give me the TREASURE of darkness, that my inability so see anything except how much God desires me is His blessing. That tears, mourning and sadness can be beautiful. Because it is in these times that I will find the riches stored in secret places that I might not have ever seen otherwise. All so that I may know that God knows me by name, knows me intimately and beautifully. So I may know that in Him I live and move and have my being. From him comes strength and honor and beauty.

Have you ever experienced the beauty of darkness?

The Dark Night

2009-02-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

Writing flows from my heart in times of hurt. And friends, it has been a season of suffering. Richard Foster quotes St. John in his book, Celebration of Discipline when he speaks of the Dark Night of the Soul. I have recently been taking the practice of solitude very seriously, which for those of you who know me is quite the contrary to my nature. But in that solitude, God is moving. It's not a happy time, but it is a time that I can praise the Lord for being the Lover of my Soul like no one else.

Foster says that when we practice solitude, inevitably we will enter this dark night. St. John describes it like this,
"the darkness of the sou puts the sensory and spiritual appetites to sleep...It binds the imagination and impedes it from doing any good discursive work. It makes the memory cease, the intellect become dark and unable to understand anything, and hence it causes the will also to become arid and constrained, an all the faculties empty and useless. And over all this hangs a dense and burdensome cloud which afflicts the soul and keeps it withdrawn from God."

Foster goes on to say that it is necessary for during this time every distraction of the body, mind and spirit must be put into a kind of suspended animation before this deep work of God upon the soul can occur. It is like an operation in which the anesthetic must take effect before the surgery can be performed. During these times, Bible reading, sermons, intellectual debate-all fail to move or excite us. I feel that his words adequately describe my soul at this moment.

I can very much relate to this right now. Of course, the Word of God is still able to speak to me and comfort me and my love and worship of my Savior is no less. But after a season of being used and used by God where His light shone out from me, I now feel unable to be used. My light is quietly burning inside my soul, but it feels like it is shining only for my Lover. No one else can see what He is doing inside of me. I don't understand it. I often experience sadness and dullness, but even in this I find hope and rest in the most unusual way. It is often hard to believe that this season will one day produce a fruitful harvest of goodness in my soul. But because I know my God, I know that He will bring fruit and I'm quite certain that it will not be just for my benefit, but that He will once again allow me to pour out my heart and life to those around me. I've never experienced a season quite like this. I thank my God that He loves me enough to draw me away from every distraction, to whisper His love and sufficiency to my ear. I wish I could say this is a season that I have welcomed, but that wouldn't be true. I've fought it, and I've fought it to the end, to the point that I have been wrestled to the ground so that the Lord may perfect and complete His good work in me.

A couple of more thoughts...St. John sums up the dark night in this way,
"Oh then, spiritual soul, when you see your appetites darkened, your inclinations dry and constrained, your faculties incapacitated for any interior exercise, do not be afflicted; think of this as a grace, since God is freeing you from yourself and taking from you your own activity." I need freeing from myself more than anything else...let it be done as you say, Lord. More on God's perfecting work next post....

The Crucifixion

2008-12-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

What must it have been like to give the One you love more than anything in the world over to human brutality and wickedness?

As I imagine that day that Jesus was condemned for innocence, to be not only my Savior but the Savior of the world, it is very difficult to get my mind around.

The horrific beatings You endured, even to cutting flesh and bone, nerves and tendons...
The continual mocking of those who feared and hated you...
The humiliation of being beaten ragged and spit on and snarled at....
The splinters rubbing and cutting into your already dissected flesh...
The exhaustion from physical pain...

Knowing you are INNOCENT....and we are completely guilty before the Throne of God.

Your mother, Mary Magdalene and John weeping over an unrecognizable Son, Savior, Friend...
Nails piercing nerves...
Thirst...
The crackling of broken ribs and broken bones...
The heartbreak and betrayel of a loved one...
The humiliation of the Roman soldiers...
The scoffing of the criminal who doubted your identity...

And so much more that I can not imagine. How any other that is not you would have been utterly crushed by such an experience. But what was your response in that moment, Jesus? In your power and obedience you...

Blessed.
Speaking Your love to the criminal, "Today you will be with me in Paradise."
Forgave.
"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Provided.
Safety and provision for His mother in John the Baptist.
Loved.
By giving your life that I might be reconciled to My God. "It is finished."

You payed the price and fulfilled God's plan for all time. In the midst of your broken heart...broken over the sinful and rebellious people you created..you chose LIFE for me. Out of your broken heart, you fought for and defended me as God poured out all of His wrath on the Son.

He chose it because that was God's will. In LOVE, God created us and His love was perfect and never failing. He loved me so much that He willed to crucify His most Beloved. And although my mind doesn't ever fully grasp that, I know that I reap the benefits of that act everyday. Everyday that I am free to come before my Heavenly Father and plead with Him, thank Him, praise Him. Freely, without guilt and condemnation. To commune with Him. It is an unfathomable Joy.

If He loved me that much, how much love must He have for His son? He has no limits...

My Heroes

2008-10-22T13:19:00.001-07:00

The Mothers of Matero
Jamie Baldwin
guardian.co.uk
At an age when most women may be thinking of retirement, a small group of Zambian grandmothers have embarked on a mission to help their fractured community in the fight against Aids and poverty. In the country's largest and oldest compound, the 19 women volunteers who make up Kwasha Mukwenu work tirelessly feeding families and educating orphaned children.

Steam rises from the freshly cooked nshima porridge as the famished kids patiently wait their turn in the queue. Three women are bent double serving ladles of the porridge from a huge vat to children who may wait another 24 hours before the next, and the same, meal. Rosemary Phiri, a retired primary school teacher, is a firm believer in a hearty breakfast. "The children must eat before class starts or they do not learn. You can't learn anything on an empty stomach."

Mama Rosie, as the children affectionately address her, explains that despite being a mother of five and a grandmother of four she has decided to start teaching again. "If the children don't go to school they look as though they're missing something. Now they are comparing themselves to the school-going children of Matero – its good for them. We only have one blackboard and a few donated books and pens but they enjoy it."

Class begins around 9am with the children huddled round the blackboard reciting rather anomalous English words, each chorus echoing around the tiny room. It is perhaps the archetypal image of an African education, but it is one that belies recent statistics. According to the UK Department for International Development (DFID), primary enrolment rates in Zambia have been falling for some years: in 1996 the gross enrolment rate was two thirds that in 1985. It is estimated that some one third of the country's children fail to attend primary school. The underlying cause is always the same: poverty and Aids.

"Kwasha Mukwenu: it means to help a friend in need. And there are plenty of our friends that are in need," explains Rosemary, one of the founding members of the group. "It's not easy to care for children that are not yours, but because of that love towards them and all our neighbours, we can manage." And today, they support 536 families and over 2,000 children in the Matero compound, which lies to the north-west of Zambia's capital, Lusaka. It is a sad irony that the community, out of which Zambia's independence was born and then realised in 1964, is now home to so many families dependent on others for survival.

The women's headquarters is a shell of a disused scouts' building, in the heart of the district. The one room still intact serves as office, meeting room and classroom for the sixty youngest children who come to the centre everyday. Where the larger NGOs within the HIV/Aids sector have leaflets on anti-retro viral drugs, vehicles handing out boxes of free condoms and the financial support of Western governments, the women of Kwasha Mukwenu have nothing but hard work and love.

In 1991, 120 women came together to help absorb the increasing number of children being left without parents, relatives, food and an education. "We saw a continual process of people dying and leaving children. So we got all the women in the community together to discuss this issue and said yes, something needs to be done", says Elizabeth Chilala, the original father, and mother, of Kwasha Mukwenu. "And we are still here. Anyway, how could we stop when the number of children coming to us grew every day?"

Understanding the impact the Aids epidemic has had in Africa is difficult to fathom. Throughout sub-Saharan Africa no neighbourhood has been left untouched, as Elizabeth points out: "we may not all be infected, but we are all affected". The statistics are frightening. Eighty per cent of Zambians live in poverty, the nationwide infection rate hovers around 20% and the country has one of the highest levels of orphanhood in the world. Nearly half of all children have lost a parent, while three quarters of Zambian families are caring for at least one orphan. Currently there are 850,000 children who have lost both parents due to Aids, by 2010 it is estimated that this figure will be close to two million.

For a country often seen as an island of peace around a sea of chaos – Zambia borders the Congo, Angola and Zimbabwe – their cohesive community spirit has been dealt a cruel blow by the Aids pandemic. "In the past, if your sister died then you would take in her children, they just come in because it was like their other home," explains Rosemary. "But now because of Aids, poor conditions and poverty, people cannot cope. Most families have reached a saturation point, they cannot take in any more orphans. So, Kwasha Mukwenu is the big family because we have to be."

At its most common denomination it is simple mathematics that reveal the true impact of the Aids pandemic on orphans and vulnerable children. It is when a guardian cannot take in a dead sibling's offspring or cannot give the orphan children as much food as their biological children. As Rosemary puts it: "If I have five children and my sister, who has maybe four, dies, who is going to look after those children? They are all going to come to me. I now have nine mouths to feed but only food for five."

Increasingly, caring for Zambian's children is becoming the domain of the elderly as a whole generation of young adults, the sons and daughters of these guardians, disintegrates. As Mr Mayeche laments, "too many people are dying too soon". Funerals have become daily events and mourners queue at the city cemetery to bury the dead, leaving behind those who must feed, educate, care for and love the next generation.

As I leave the women to stir nshima and stitch rugs, Rosemary calls after me: "We Zambian women have a voice you know. We are mothers with a voice and we are using it." The rest of the women laugh uncontrollably at this. Yes, they do have a voice and thank God that they do.

Thank You, Regents!

2008-10-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

This next week, I will be finalizing the book collection and hopefully shipping the books off to Destiny by November. Thanks to everyone who has played such a huge role! I will be acquiring my final donations, from Regents School of Austin tomorrow.

Overall, people have donated close to 800 books, a mix of adult, child and adolescent. This is amazing and I know the community of Matero will be very blessed by them.

Despite such a successful book drive, my heart can't help but break for my friends and family there that need so much more than books. Please lift the school of Destiny and the church up in your prayers, and ask for God's divine favor and provision for them as they struggle through the daily challenges of life.

To my Zambian friends visiting me here on this internet interface, I love you so much and think about you everyday. Nakuyewa, nikukonda. Nali ku temwa sana sana. Shalenipo Mukway. Our God saves.

Once an Arafat Man

2008-10-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I just finished this very inspiring story about an Arab-American man who was once a sniper in the PLO under Yassar Arafat. The book is his life story about how he grew up an enraged, renegade rebel persecuting Christians in the name of justice to becoming an advocate of reconciliation between Jews and Palestinians. How, might you ask? The only answer, Jesus. Along the way, you will learn an incredible amount of history regarding the regions of Israel/Gaza Strip/Jordan as well as gain much insight to the origins of the tensions between these people groups, and what the Bible has to say about it all.

Awesome read!

Everything is Spiritual

2008-10-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

This will BLOW your mind...

*images taken from google

More Library Blessings

2008-09-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

I want to thank all of those who have given to the Destiny Library Project! I continue collecting books until the end of October, but I think that continued thanks is due to what the Lord has done through you!

Special thanks to New Hope Community Church and the Charity Girls for being such a driving force behind this project! Also, a few folks from the local chapter of Room to Read(http://www.roomtoread.org/) are putting together a book drive that should be completed sometime in the next month. Trudy Marshall has been an overwhelming help in the logistics of this project. Megan Bloemker (of ACTION International: http://www.actionintl.org/) has generously and unselfishly offered her limited time to acquire some Zambian books in Lusaka to add to the library, making it much more relatable and useable to the community. And I am grateful to the Lord for bringing all of these wonderful souls across my path. He truly is the author, the sustainer and the finisher.

I shipped a small box containing 87 books as a test run, as well as some library keeping supplies with a manual of instructions on library keeping and they have successfully arrived! I plan on sending the rest of the books in early November. We are also currently looking into purchasing some metal locking bookshelves. Besides books, there are many wonderful tools I have been able to collect, including:

Two sets of Encyclopedias
Bible Study tools/books for the church
Sunday School curriculum for the church
Stormie Omartian Power of a Praying Woman CD Study
Gary Smalley Premarital Counseling CD/book set for the church

As you can see, the church is also benefiting a great deal from all of the donations, and I am very excited about that. They are beginning the process of trying to train up leaders within their body, so please pray for this! I love you all and am so overwhelmed by your love and support of me, the kids in Zambia, and the local church in Zambia.

On another note, please also pray that the Lord would provide a way for the school to have food assistance, as it is a struggle to find food on a regular basis. Some of the kids there live in shantys without parents and without anyone to provide for them. When we pray and trust in faith, He will provide and I am praying and hoping it will be soon.

The Hope in Sin

2008-09-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

There are days when I don't take my sins with the seriousness that I should, because I know that I am a child of God and forgiven. And I am thankful for that forgiveness, but this isn't a correct view of God. I am forgiven, but that doesn't mean that my sin doesn't cause some detrimental problems in my life, and my relationship with God.

After the Israelites conquered Jericho, the Lord had instructed them not to take any Jerichoan treasures or devoted things. They were for the Lord. But one Achan did take treasures for himself, and it caused a loss to his entire people. As the Israelites pressed on in life, they found that they did not achieve victory in their next battle over the land of Ai. Joshua felt humiliated and "tore his clothes and fell facedown to the ground." (vs6). The Lord's response (vs10), "Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?"

Now, this would not be an uncommon posture towards God, often indicated worship and submission, but the Lord instructs him to stand up, and then questions his purpose. Then we see God instruct Joshua that Achan had defiled the name of the Lord, "Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen; they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction." (vs13) "You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove it."

Essentially, God is telling Joshua:

1) Your people have sinned against me and have violated my covenant.
2) They have tried to take control over what is mine and made it their own.
3) This separated them from me.
4) Your sin is why you do not have victory now.
5) You will not have victory until you rid yourself of it.
6) Now, quick stand up...get off your face and get rid of the sin...now!

This got me thinking. How many times have I sinned by trying to take control of what is God's? How often do I feel a pressing urgency to repent? How much does my God love me that he desires my obedience and will do anything to get it? Why do I keep expecting victory in my own life if I do not confess my sins before the Lord? How often does my sin keep me from taking hold of all the Lord has for me? Victory over sin only comes in my life when I am intimate with the Lord...confessing each and every time I sin against him, allowing him to redeem me over and over again.

Achan's sin brought defeat for his entire people and his family. Sin is not a private battle, other people sometimes experience the consequences of our sin and that grieves me even more than hurting myself. In the end, Israel was redeemed once again but they lost a family in the process. For the Lord required not only the death of Achan and everything that he owned, but also of his entire family. They were stoned to death and then burned and buried in a place called the Valley of Achor (or trouble).

There are many times where the Bible talks about forgiveness of sins, and that is all true. But it does not mean that we can take our sin lightly. The weight of this is on me today, and I am truly thankful for the Cross. Thankful that my God no longer requires my death to make right my sin, because Christ has already taken that for me. Instead, now I have many opportunities for HIm to use me in showing HIs glory. I will experience defeat, I will hurt people in the wake of my sin, but hope stands. Hope that the only God worth worshipping has given me life...every minute of everyday.

Lesson: Get rid of sin as fast as you can, ask God for a repentant heart.

Hosea 2:15
"I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."

Isaiah 43:11-12
"I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed-I, am not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "that I am God."

Isaiah 44: 24-25
But you have burdened me with your sins
and wearied me with your offenses.

25 "I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.

The Charity Girls

2008-09-21T11:35:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you about a group called the Charity Girls.

A 4th grader by the name of Maddie wanted to create a way for girls who know Christ and those who do not to come together and do something for the greater good of their community. So, she gathered some friends she knew that wanted to make the world a better place and share the love of Christ with those who don't know Him, and hence was born The Charity Girls. They serve on various projects, and they were kind enough to help me out with the Destiny Library Project, collecting a load of books to send to my sweet children in Zambia.

I love God that uses anyone who calls on Him with a pure heart to further His kingdom and show the love of Christ. I love that He gave me a beautiful 4th grader named Maddie to show me His glory and His love for the children of Zambia. And I love that I get to share it with you! In one simple act, God connected the hearts of His children across the globe. I hope that I will get to return to Zambia and see the library and photograph my kids amidst it, and be able to return home to show that to this beautiful group of girls.

There is absolutely nothing that disqualifies us from the love of Christ or that He is not able to use for His glory. And I'm so thankful for that, because I mess up....ALOT.

Thank you Charity Girls! Keep Shining!

More Pics

2008-09-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

Several people have requested that I post more pictures on my blog from my short stay in Africa this summer. So, i thought I would hop to it as well as give an update on the library project.

The Lord has blessed this project immensely, and I am so excited to get the books over there to see what the Lord will do with them in the community of Matero. So far, I have collected around 400-500 books and will continue to collect until the end of October. At that time, I will then begin shipping books to Zambia. There have already been three individuals that have offered to pay for the whole of shipping costs, which was such a blessing beyond measure.

Also, people have donated alot of different booklet bible studies that I will be able to give to the church. I think this will be a wonderful way to help the church members walk through deepening their faith in Christ. What a wonderful thing the Lord has done through all of you! What a blessing you are to so many children (and adults) who will soon have access to these books!

Thank you a million times over. I hope to be able to post another update soon!

Library Update

2008-08-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all! Just wanted to send a quick update on the Library. Thank you to everyone who has already donated or has offered to donate their used books! I am so thankful that the Lord has stirred your heart for this library.

So far, I have collected about 175-200 books with more people still promising to give. A majority of those are children's books and they are AWESOME! I am still collecting books for all ages-children, teens, young adults, adults. I wish I could see the faces of the Destiny children when those first books arrive! I will try to send the first shipment some time next week.

Several people have asked me how many books I am planning to collect. Let me address this with: as many as you have to give. All of them will be used (as long as they pass the Stephdar (Steph radar).

So, thank you a million times over for giving my sweet Destiny children and the Matero community the opportunity for knowledge and books! Keep them coming!

Help Me Start a Library

2008-08-14T10:48:00.001-07:00

While in Zambia, I frequently became overwhelmed by the need that surrounded me. Honestly, it becomes easy to focus on the need rather than the sufficiency of Christ, but with the Lord's grace I tried to keep a healthy balance.

But there is something that the Lord has laid on my heart. SOmething that will bring God glory and help the community of Matero. Matero is the community where the school that I work with calls home. The school is called Destiny. That school is also a church, of which my friend Peter is the pastor. The has no textbooks, which in itself is a problem. But Peter expressed a desire to start a library in the school.

The beautiful thing about the building serving as a school and a church is that the library will be beneficial to all-children of all ages, young adults, parents, elders. So I would like to start seeking resources to begin building a library. I will send books there as I make collections.

I know you are burning to know if the children read English. The answer is, some of them do. Some of them are learning, and some of them might learn if they had a library of something to read from. My hope is that this will serve as a resource for them to learn English, empowered by the Holy Spirit.

I am asking you to consider looking through your bookshelves. Maybe there are books you've never read or have just been sitting on your shelf for a while, untouched. Consider donating them to the Destiny library. Please don't give me your trashy romance novels or inappropriate material (not that any of you have those laying around). But let's make this a library that will not only deepen the knowledge that the Zambians have about God, but strengthen them in faith and hope of Christ.

I need:
1) Books for all school age children, including materials for teenagers.
2) Fun books
3) Books related to spiritual growth-for women or men.
4) Books on spiritual leadership

I appreciate any help that I can get, and I know it will be such a blessing for my Zambian friends. Books are a rarity and a great expense.

The City to Come

2008-08-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone for all of your warm welcome homes! You are a beautiful gift from the Lord, and He really reminded me through each of you the love and care that He has for me. I can't describe the ways that I have been able to see His faithfulness and preparation in my life, but I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.

The last Sunday that I was in Zambia, I attended my favorite local church, pastor by my friend Peter Kaunda. During our singing worship time, my heart became so overwhelmed with thankfulness at all of the friendships and opportunities I had while in Zambia. My only response was to fall to my knees, and thank HIm for his faithfulness. To thank Him for the grace I receive every time I sin, that He reminds me I am forgiven and that I am a masterpiece in progress-everyday. And even if I never get it right, I am still forgiven, and that doesn't keep me from being used by God. I am always loved by my Jesus. The congregation prayed over us to send us home, as did Peter. At the very end of the service, one of my own girls (Dorothy) came up to pray over us as well as another church member. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Not only to have a "church home" in Zambia, my second home-but to have one of my own that I love so much come and pray over me. I know the girls didn't want me to go, but they sent me well.

So I am home now experiencing all of the mixed emotions that one feels when they are not sure where they belong, except in heaven...one of these days. I have truly understood at a deep heart level Hebrews 13:14 which says, "For here we do not have and enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come." I praise God for the day I will have all of my friends in one place and we are sitting in the presence of I AM.

I am so thankful that the Lord has joined me with the Flenniken family, who I am now staying with in Georgetown. They have so warmly and deeply opened their home to me. After living in such close quarters in Africa, it feels so good to come home to a family that loves and seeks the Lord and shares the same passion for missions that I do. I am truly blessed. Patricia and Greg (mom and dad), Noah (2 years old) and Keilah, Kelsea and Krista (12th grade, 10th grade, and 8th grade) make up the Flenniken family. They have already been such a blessing to me, and for however long the Lord enables me to remain I am looking forward to this time with them.

I am in no rush to hurry back into a job which will distract me from seeking the Lord's next steps. I know without a doubt that He has given me a heart for Africa, for the people and culture. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like in the future, but I trust that God does and that He reveals when He is ready. So much of life is preparation, so I am resting in that and trying to learn all I can. I love you all! Thank you for your love, prayers, and believing in me!

Saying Goodbye

2008-08-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

That sickness really took me to the ground, and very much put me behind on my blog. I feel like so much has happened that I'm not sure what subject to write about. There have been multiple visits to my kid's homes; fun times at camp with John, Paul, Erin and Elaine; not having a kitchen for a week and washing our dishes outside in the tap, and many other things.

I'm sorry that I have been quiet on the blog. I look forward to writing alot more when I return home and have more time (now that I am unemployed). I have been busy preparing to say goodbye to all of my wonderful friends here, who feel more like my family. The Lord has really showed His grace and goodness in the midst of goodbyes. Today was the last day of camp, when all of the Zambians encircle the Americans and sing and prayed for us. For the first time in four years, I didn't cry. And not because I wasn't sad, but because the Holy Spirit filled me with so much joy. I clearly heard the Lord telling me, "I am not done with you in this place yet." I felt so comforted that I could only smile and think of how I can see the Lord preparing me for bigger things. My friend Pastor Raphael found me today and said that he just really felt led to pray for the Lord's blessing over my life, and then he did. I can see so many ways in which the Lord has blessed me and I can't imagine what more He might have in store, but look forward to living it out.

So this weekend I will be visiting with many friends, and seeing my kids for one last hoorah. They are always sad to see me go, but I've asked them to pray for my return with God's blessing. It is always sad to say goodbye, and makes my heart long all the more for heaven where we will be together singing praises to our King. But some part of me is ready to come home too, in order to see where the Lord will take me next.

I am so thankful for my Saviour, who loves me more than I could have ever imagined. That He takes care of me, comforts me, strengthens me and leads me. This will be my last post from Zambia, but look forward to seeing you all again very soon and sharing with you in person. Thank you, a million times over for your prayers and support. I definitely could not have made it through the summer without you.

Kapenta

2008-07-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

One food, one word. Four days in bed. Kapenta.

Kapenta is a staple food here in Zambia. What is it, you ask? Good question. Small, tiny, dried fish with little poking eyeballs. Now I can't be sure that this is what left me vomiting up my toes for four days, but I ate nothing else out of the normal. And so began my four days of misery. I've never felt worse in my life.

But rest assured, I am feeling better now and back to happy self. Our electricity has been going off for longer than usual recently, as much as 7 hours everyday. So, on the last day of my illness, my great roomate Alissa built a fire outside of our house using a car cigarette lighter so that she could heat up my soup. What a blessing to me because I hadn't eaten anything in three days, and as my appetite returned I was pretty starving. Aren't my roomates fantastic?

All that said, I just wanted to let you know that this is why my blog has been suffering. I'm also pretty exhausted. My friends John, Paul, Erin and Kent are here this week, and also my cousin Elaine. So these next two weeks will be quite busy but I hope to post again very soon. Love you and miss you guys so much!

Sunday with the Kaundas

2008-07-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

I had the immense privilege of spending the entire day Sunday with a family that is very dear to me, The Kaundas. Precious and Karen Kaunda have been in my small group at Camp Life for the last 4 years. They are beautiful children, and I have been in love ever since I met them. Precious memorizes scripture like no body's business and is very gifted in evangelism. She has a heart for people, very similar to her father's. Karen is quite shy, but one of the most empathetic people I have ever met. They are both beautiful children. They are how I came to know the Kaundas. Their father, Peter, is a pastor and a man filled with the Spirit. He and his wife, Beatrice have been an incredible encouragement to me during my time here in serving the kids.

There are 8 all together, 6 girls. Peter, Beatrice, Natasha, Joy, Mapalo, Karen, Precious, and the newest member...Victoria. I shall post pictures soon, but I can't be sure what happened to my camera. I'll find it, I loose and find it often.

First, I arrived at their house in the morning so that we could all go to church together. Peter pastors a church, called Destiny. My good friend Paul surprised me by showing up at church to also spend the day with us. There were approximately 40 people in the service, and I found the intimate setting to be very refreshing. Of course I always enjoy Zambian worship. Acapella voices minister to my heart. We all had a beautiful time, and I love dancing in church.

After church, we walked back to the house to have lunch. I was very excited for Karen to teach me how to make Nshima (the main staple food in Zambia). This process was quite funny. At first, Karen had difficulty actually teaching me. Making Nshima is so commonplace to her, that she couldn't understand how I didn't know the process. I would stir, and she would grab the spoon from me and say, "No, auntie stephan...you don't stir nshima like that, you stir it like this." She would then proceed to show me. In the end, I kind of got the hang of it. The maize product used for nshima is very unlike anything you can find in the states. It takes quite alot of strength to make nshima. After we prepared Nshima, we then proceeded to prepare the lettuce type vegetable side that one eats with Nshima. Then we all sat down and ate a meal together, while everyone carefully watched me roll my nshima between my fingers, as one is supposed to do. I think they were observing for correct form. I passed, thank goodness.

After eating, I proceeded outside to help Karen wash the dishes. This was my favorite part. As we were washing, I wasn't doing it the exact way that she normally does, so as we were washing she asked me: "Auntie Stephan, have you ever washed dishes before?" That made me laugh out loud. She thought that because I had never eaten Nshima that I had never washed a dish before. I then had to explain to her that I lived alone and always washed dished, because if I didn't do it, then no one did.

After washing, we went to surprise a few of my kids at their homes for a visit. It was the best day I've ever spent in Zambia. I was sad to return home, but hopeful for the visits I had planned for later in the week with other families. I hope to write about those soon.

Kabulonga Market

2008-06-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (on Saturday) I had the most wonderful experience. We shipped all of the Americans home yesterday, not counting the summer staff, so I finally had an afternoon to myself. Afternoons to myself is definitely a coveted idea in Zambia. I slept in late (till 9am) and then woke up and spent some beautiful time with the Lord on our front porch.

The mornings are so beautiful here. They are very cold, but I like to sit on the front porch with my blanket and my coffee. You can watch the sun rise, and as it does the temperature warms from about 34-40 degrees to about 60 degree (layering here is definitely necessary).

I had made some preparations to spend Sunday with my friends, the Kaunda family. Two of the Kaunda girls have been in my small group for the last 4 years, and I have come to know and love the rest of the family as well. Peter and his wife, Beatrice have five girls...can you imagine? Peter is a pastor, also the director of the school my kids go to. He also happens to work here in Mulungushi as an electrician, but his calling is definitely pastoral.

So, after that time in the morning I decided to head over to Kabulonga (an area of town) to the Dutch Reform Church. Another friend that I have met here, Megan informed me that there is a Saturday market there at the end of every month. I knew I needed to pick up a few things in preparation for my visit on Sunday. I have come to find that in Zambia, gifts are a huge deal. They don't have to be expensive gifts, it is just a representation of honor. So I first jumped over to Spar (the supermarket) to pick up some mealie meal. This is the corn based substance that Zambians use to make Nshima, their staple dish. After purchasing the bag of mealie meal, I went to Kabulonga.

What I found there was a divine treasure. It was basically like a farmer's market, but with African crafts. There were vendors cooking sausage, samoosas, spring rolls, chicken...all kinds of yummilicious delights. There were also vendors selling fresh produce, and I picked up some avocados (yes, I did bring guacamole mix from the states...I'm desperate for some tex mex). I walked around for a while until I found three beautiful shitenges (the brightly colored material that the women use for dresses, skirts, bags, and blankets). I chose one for each of my girls, and for their mom. I knew they would be surprised, and excited by this small token of my love. I found two stuffed animals for the smaller girls. I picked up some lunch on my way out, and was very satisfied with my afternoon.

I didn't even mind going all by myself, and I had some great discussions with the vendors over the upcoming American presidential election and the election going on in Zimbabwe. Those are the two most popular topics of conversation around here, and everyone is very interested.

Overall, a very satisfying day. I hope to do it again next month, when they have the market again. I wish you all could be here. Malita, I thought of you. I know you would have loved this!

Paul Update

2008-06-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

So, this week we changed the location of camp due to a double booking at Dunamis, our current location. This created quite a distressing situation for our friend Paul, whom I wrote about last week.

He arrived to camp on Friday afternoon, very cranky and upset. I greeted him and he started yelling at me in Nyanja, and I therefore could not understand what he was saying. One of the Zambians approached and informed me that Paul was saying he was feeling very sick, he was very tired.

You see, what Paul had done on Friday was this: he arrived at Dunamis and found that we were not there, so he then proceeded to walk on foot to every previous location of camp. This is no small task, as we have had camps all over Lusaka and he must have walked 30 miles (hours and hours) only to find that we weren't at any of the previous locations.

He finally arrived to our new location, GO Centre, late in the afternoon on Friday just before the kids were dismissing. He was quite personally upset with me, as he thought it was my doing that camp had been moved. I quickly apologized to let him know that I did not decide where camp happened, but that we had missed him tremendously (which was true) and that I was sorry. He complained of a headache, so I quickly obtained some lunch for him, and wet a bandana for his head. He felt quite warm. He didn't seem very interested in talking to me during his lunch, but we sat quietly outside on the front porch of GO Centre. I finally walked him outside (still not talking) and he fell asleep on the floor while I scratched his back and made him drink lots of water for rehydration. It's quite cold at night (around 30 or 40 degrees) but during the day it is quite warm. The sun beating down on Paul's poor body all day had exhausted him.

In the end, all was well but I went through tremendous pains to explain to Paul that camp would not be happening next week, so he need not show up or he would be disappointed to find no one.

Sai's Celebration

2008-06-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being invited to attend a function at Destiny. There is a Japanese teacher there who has been teaching at Destiny for one year, his name is Sai. He was sent to Destiny by the Chinese government. So, there was a big ceremony to celebrate Sai's one year anniversary.

There were some very big attenders to the event, including members of the Zambian Social Welfare department, a member of the Japanese government who is in charge of Sai, and several other Japanese volunteers who work in the area. It was quite exciting, and an honor for me to be invited.

The best part was how simple the celebration was, but how it meant so much. The "streamers" that hung in the school were actually pieces of toilet paper, pink and green. Peter's wife made a delicious cake, and the family member of the kids prepared a meal of rice and chicken. Overall, it was a beautiful time and I really enjoyed myself.

I was able to spend several hours with my kids, which is always a blessing. I was able to be a part of celebrating Sai's volunteering in Zambia for one year. Although I've only had a few brief conversations with Sai, I know that he loves the kids and has a huge heart for them. He is a buddist, and has frequently talked about worshiping the sun. But the greatest thing for me, is to see the joy in his eyes when he is talking to the kids. I heard a report that he was actually ministering the Word to the kids one day when they were in the middle of a quarrel. He told the kids, "Jesus said to do unto one another as you would have them do unto you." Great I tell you, great! Through several Zambians, he has been powerfully moved by the Word of God, even though he doesn't confess Jesus as his Saviour. I am looking quite forward to being able to minster to him, and I know the kids have already been doing some of the same. I believe that God is after Sai's heart, and he still has one year left in his volunteer contract! Imagine what will happen in another year.

It was quite a good time, I again had a glimpse of what it would be like when I get to heaven and all the nations are worshiping before him. During this time, it was Japan, America, and Zambia. I was so filled with joy. God has truly give men a heart to see his name glorified within all peoples!

New Favorite Things

2008-06-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

My new favorite Zambian-English word is "cycling." For those of you that are a little slow, that's another term for "riding a bike." Whenever I have to call the maintenance men, they tell me they will meet me at our destination and they always ask, "Are you cycling?" They ask me this because they want to know whether I will arrive quickly or slowly.

Another thing that I have termed "affectionately Zambia" is the fact that everyday the power turns off from 12pm-2pm. It's super awesome, because that's right about the time I feel myself getting hungry for lunch. So, I have had to retrain my body to eat earlier because once the power goes off I can't make anything (except dreaded peanut butter and jelly). It's great.

Zambia doesn't have enough energy for the country, so they have scheduled downtimes in order to share power with the rest of the city. They are having to buy energy from other countries, mainly China I think. Because I have been staying at the villas to take care of maintenance issues, I have had the pleasure to spend a considerable amount of time with the maintenance workers. They're great. I've also learned alot about electrical work and plumbing in Zambia! One thing is that Zambia doesn't manufacture anything of it's own, so they import all of their electrical components from China. But what I've found is that China is exporting their most cheaply made products (of inferior quality, according to the Zambians) so things break around here quite frequently.

Seriously, we replaced an element in the geiser (hot water heater) and the next day it broke again. It makes me a little angry because I know that the Zambians are getting taken advantage of. They have no other product options, so they are forced to buy Chinese products that aren't worth a dime (literally).

But I have had quite a good time with the maintenance men here. So far, I have counseled my friend Nonde on his smoking habit (40 years running) and we've discussed what behaviors would bring about the most success for him to quit smoking. I've also learned that he LOVES crossword puzzles. I've also had to have multiple conversations with them about a biblical view of marriage because they all want to know why I am not married. I've discovered that here in Zambia, people don't necessarily marry for love, and they get married at an early age because the life span is so much shorter. So, all of the Zambians a)can't believe I don't have a boyfriend and b)that Americans don't just find someone their age and get married. It's been quite the debacle. We have these conversations just about everyday, and they think I should be miserable because I'm not married. It's humorous. And then, I've gotten several marriage proposals. Life is certainly quite different here. Don't worry, mom and dad...I haven' accepted any. I've also counseled another one of the plumbers about starting his own ministry, and then my friend Peter Kaunda (the electrician) has actually been encouraging and counseling me. It's great.

Professional Wrestling

2008-06-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is Paul. Cute, isn't he? Let me tell you about him. Paul is a camp life alumni of several years now. I don't know much about his home background, but in the last few years of camp demons have supposedly been cast out of him on multiple occasions (not implying this is true or not true, simply that I don't know). Last year, I did witness him having a seizure, again supposedly in the middle of a demonic attack. The physical and the spiritual are so inseparable here that it's almost hard to distinguish between the two sometimes, which I think is Paul's case.

Anyhow, Paul attends a community school called Mapodi Boys. Mapodi Boys is scheduled to come for Camp Life week 5 (that's sometime around July 6-12). Except that Paul spotted my friend Alissa (the photographer)on her first day here. He kept asking her, "When does camp life start?", "Where is camp life?", " Is uncle Greer here?" Needless to say, these kids never see Americans so Paul was smart enough to know that if he had seen one, there must be others around, which must mean camp life is coming. Alissa gave no concrete answers, so Paul decided to show up the very first day of camp. And everyday after that.

The first couple of days we tried to send him home. We explained to him that it wasn't yet his time to come to camp. Well, Paul is sort of the definition of persistent. He showed up the next day, and we tried to send him home. Then he showed up the next day and we told him he could stay around for a while but then he had to go home. But being the definition of persistent as he is, he showed up everyday after that. And stayed the entire day. And threw a fit when we wouldn't give him all of the things the other kids were getting. Titus actually had to carry him out of Dunamis because his tantrum was so horrific.

The thing about Paul is, he just wants to be loved. He's very bright and understands perfect English. Everyday he runs up to me and gives me a huge hug with this same adorable smile. And he says, "Auntie Stephanie, I love you." Now before you are very impressed by this, just know that he says this to every American he meets. It's still cute, nonetheless. Everyday during Greer's teaching session he sits in my lap for maybe 15 minutes while he asks me if I know any professional wrestlers. We go through the list of professional wrestlers one...by...one. After we determine that I don't know any professional wrestlers he gets up and wades through the crowd of kids (while Greer is still talking). He disappears for another 10 minutes and then wades back through the crowd of kids to find me. Then he sits back down in my lap and strokes my hair and tells me I'm beautiful for another 10 minutes. The entire scene is quite hilarious.

The terrible thing about Paul is that he is horrifically awful to the other kids. But he's so cute, isn't he?

A Visit to the Clinic

2008-06-13T12:41:00.000-07:00

I wish that I would have had a camera with me today. Alissa, Dr. Ellis and I visited a clinic in Kalingalinga today. The clinic also had an inpatient ward, and I was appalled at what I saw. There are four wards, separated by curtains. They literally have TB patients breathing the same air as immuno-compromised sickly patients. They were all so sickly and thin. Alissa took it upon herself to filter through the patient log book (and no one stopped us) and almost every admission was due to malaria.

On the bulletin board, there was a hand drawn graph of the 5 leading causes of death among Zambians. In order:

1) Malaria
2) AIDS
3) Pneumonia
4) Tuberculosis
5) Diarrhea

The second thing that I saw which I found striking, a poster that talked about the benefits of circumcision. I repeat, verbatim:

1) It decreases the risk of STD’s
2) It decreases your risk of getting AIDS
3) It decreases the chance of your partner getting cervical cancer.

I couldn’t make this up. It made me so angry. This is a clinic that is funded by the government, and they are massively misinforming people. Alissa also told me that she went to a clinic downtown and there was another poster that was informing people that AIDS was created by Americans in a lab in New York City in order to kill off all of the black people. Amazing. Amazing, I tell you how much education is needed here.

Mulpa Wa Yesu

2008-06-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

I am blessed by my children most days, even through difficult situations. But today was pure joy. Let me tell you about it.

All the girls were anticipating being very sad on Friday, because they all knew it was the last day of camp. But this was not just any Friday. This year, in addition to new shoes, a new bandana and a new t-shirt, they also received a new green fleece jacket, a cup, and two bags-one for them and one for their caretaker. I am going to try to post a video I took of their response to the news.

They were so incredibly excited. For them to have not only a bag for themselves, but one to give to their caretakers is a big deal. Because they are so poor, and because they are certainly not in a position to give their caretakers anything. But the giving wasn’t the most beautiful part. It was how they received it. They rejoiced with a beautiful song that I had never heard before. You can’t catch this in the video, but probably about half of the group started crying midway through the song.

The words to the song are simple, uncomplicated…but the name of Jesus is powerful. The words to the song translate to…”I am covered in the blood of Jesus, covered in the blood of Jesus.”

My sweet Rabecca led the girls in song, she has a beautiful acapella voice. She is definitely one of my leaders, and I was so proud to watch her. As she started to cry, so did the other girls…and then I followed because it was just so beautiful I couldn’t help myself. I know I can never duplicate that day, but it will forever be in my memory as one of the greatest moments of my life.

The day ended, and the girls were all in tears. I assured them that they didn’t need to cry because I was going to visit them next Friday. Their response? “But auntie Stephan, we won’t see you every, every day.” How could I respond to that? I couldn’t. But it made me so happy.

Back in Matero

2008-06-11T04:30:00.000-07:00

Thursday was another successful shoe day! It's amazing that these kids have now received new shoes four years in a row and every year, they are needed. Every year, their shoes from the previous years are destroyed because of all of the walking and dancing the Zambians do.

But the best part of the entire day was not giving away the shoes, the best part was watching my girls share the gospel in Matero, the compound where they live. Matero is a rough neighborhood. The major problems their are crime and witchcraft. There are also alot of pubs, so there are a large amount of people walking around drunk even in the middle of the afternoon. We encountered a few of those and one man was yelling at me, "You, young English woman, I want you" over and over again. Although the man was quite offensive, I never felt frightened because my girls were always protecting me and telling me, "auntie stephan let's just go, let's just go." Of course Paul was also with me and nicely explained to the man that we were there to do the work of God. We finally walked away and he went in the other direction.

The smell of sewage in Matero is wretched, and I had forgotten how bad it was. The school has been repainted and has a new roof that was made possible through the Father's Heart Program. So everyone that has sponsored one of my kids, thank you. One child told me, "I used to be embarrassed to go to school, but now I am very proud." All because of a new roof. This isn't even a nice building, it's a few cement bricks. But this boy was so happy.

But the girls amazed me. Where once they were shy and never wanted to leave my side, now they immediately begin running down the street to share the love of Christ with their neighbors, not at all worried if I am in eyesight. Dorothy surprised me most of all, which I will write about in a separate post. We encountered some very tough people, who asked my kids very difficult questions. But they all responded wisely and accurately. I am so amazed that my girls have learned so much, most of which has not come from me. They truly have grown in their faith, and they are excited about it!

We encountered a man, Simba, who was a Jehovah's Witness who we sat with for quite a long time, about 45 minutes in all. I sat on the ground, and my girls gathered around me and they shared the gospel with him. He was doubtful, but told us that he was asking questions because He really wanted to know about this God we were discussing. It was good, even for me to be challenged by Simba. The girls explained to him that we know God through His word. He kept telling us that he needed someone to come and teach him about the Bible so that He could know God. He repeatedly asked, who is going to come and teach me? They were a little stumped at this, but I encouraged him in two things:

1) That the Bible is sufficient in and of itself to reveal God through the power of the Holy Spirt, which we receive when we accept Christ.
2) The importance of being part of a community that seeks God together, and how we can learn and teach each other.

Precious can pray like nobody's business, Rabecca and Karen have the courage to walk up to anyone. All the girls have really grown remarkably in their faith and that is a testament to ME of what God does when we plant the seeds of faith.

The Universal Woes of Teenage Girls

2008-06-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

Wednesday of last week all of my girls arrived at camp in a sour mood. None of them were smiling, some were crying, some would just remain silent.

We sat down early in the morning to talk about what was bothering them. They all kept telling me, “karibe,” which means “nothing” in Nyanja. It kept on this way for quite a while until finally they all began to answer at one time. It turns out that a few of my girls were making fun of Dorothy before school and Dorothy was crying and upset.

As you can imagine, instead of talking about the subject for the day-though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…we talked about love and forgiveness instead. I encouraged them not to be each other’s enemies. There are too many enemies in the world for your friends to become one also. I encouraged them to talk to their friends about how their feelings were hurt. Afterwards, we talked about the importance of forgiveness, and how to forgive…both in yourself and in another person. There was a lot of talking, done mostly by me. When I didn’t think they were listening anymore I suggested that we stop the teaching for the day and a play game.

To my surprise, they told me that they did not want to play a game that day…that they would rather learn and understand the teachings of Jesus. At this point, I didn’t know how to continue because I was so shocked! We then changed gears and had a very difficult discussion about purity. All in all, it turned out to be a great day! I hope and pray that these girls will continue to learn about how to love each other as women.

Some issues are the same, no matter where you go, and one of them is that teenage girls can be just plain nasty to each other. I am praying that God would continue to grow them in community, that they may lean on and trust and depend on one another together in their walk of faith.

Camp Life-Day 2

2008-06-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

*I have written several blogs throughout the week but have just now been able to post them. So, this is a week old now but I still wanted to share with you.*

As you know, yesterday was the first day of camp…and it was a great one! I have been feeling a little uneasy about being here over the last week, but today when my kids stepped off the bus and flashed their beautiful smiles my way, I had at once forgotten all about it.

There are definitely lots of changes in my sweet girls. When they got off the bus, they didn’t run to me immediately. Not because they weren’t excited but because they have lost a little of that child-like excitement. I have enjoyed watching them grow and change. They bring me so much joy and I find it hard to believe that anyone could love them more than I do.

Many of the girls have much improved their English, and I have improved some in Nyanja so that it is easier for us to communicate. My sweet Rabecca is even able to read in English now and I can’t wait to give her the Bible that my Aunt Shirley bought for her. I know Rabecca’s mother is not very good to her and sometimes refuses to feed her so I have been giving her my extra food every day. Sara, my easily distracted quiet one has been attached to me for the last two days, and when I look at her, the corners of her mouth turn up and she flashes me the greatest smile ever. She constantly wants to hold my hand and play with my hair…and I let her. Dianess, my other quiet one is able to understand me almost entirely in English and she has also become quite vocal. I credit this to the discipleship leaders, who have been in the schools all year long. Alice Phiri is the woman who is at Destiny (my school). Alice might be the only consistent person that is in the life of any of these children who is loving them everyday. When the girls share with me about what is going on in their lives and they ask me questions, it indicates to me an increase in their self confidence. It has been such a blessing for me to see them come alive.

They all want to come home with me, or for me to come and stay with them. And a big part of me would like that too! At lunch today we played games together and it was so much fun. I was, as usual, on the winning team. J

The one thing I have been challenged by is trying to explain the concept of peace, our theme for this year. Their idea of peace is basically, lack of war. They haven’t quite gotten the idea of an inner peace that comes from trusting God but I assured them that it’s ok if they don’t understand it right away. We are now asking God to reveal His peace to us. Also many of the children feel discouraged because they have been praying for their situations to change and no change has come about. So we had to read through John 16:33 while I explained that knowing Jesus does not mean we won’t experience tough situations. God uses those situations to grow our faith and give Him glory. This is also quite difficult for them. I have to continually teach them that the Lord DOES answer prayers, we just need to persevere.

Overall, it has already been quite a challenging week….but a REALLY great one. These girls are the reason I am here. I am sorry to say that I have disappointed them severely by not sending them any pictures over the last year. They let me know about it and I profusely asked for their forgiveness. I know this is quite long already and I just have so much to say. I truly am so blessed to be able to be here in this place, with these people I love so much.

This is Dorothy Choongo

2008-06-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

This is Dorothy Choongo. I first wrote about Dorothy last year when I met her at camp. She was reclusive, she wouldn’t talk to me. She never smiled, she often wandered off alone away from the group. She has a pretty severe stuttering problem.

She lives with her grandmother who is a witch doctor, and who Dorothy fears to no end. Dorothy believes that her grandmother’s magic is responsible for killing many of her family members. She lives in constant fear of the woman. Although she did accept Christ last year, sanctification is a process and her faith is not quite strong yet. I’ve tried to reinforce that Jesus is the perfect love and He casts out all fear, and that because she is a child of God nothing can separate her from the love of God. We’ve talked about how Jesus is all-powerful and how He created everything and has the power to conquer evil, but I’m not quite sure she understands it. Dorothy has been praying, but grandmother tells her that her praying will do no good because she already belongs to Satan. The grandmother chases her out of the house and tells Dorothy that she needs to find somewhere else to live because she doesn’t want her anymore. She has been told the same by both her mom and dad. Can you imagine?

She says all of the kids at school make fun of her because of the stuttering. They tell her she is stupid and was born to be stupid because she can’t even talk. It seems that no matter how much I encourage her, I fail. She says that she would just rather die. At the end of our discussion today she told me that she was finished talking to me and she wanted me to leave her alone, and so I honored her in that. I am praying for a changed heart, mind and soul. I am encouraged by the changes I’ve seen, but I know that the pit she is in is quite deep, and only the love of a Savior can help her out of it.

When I see her laugh, I thank God for the joy I see in her and know that it is a little blessing for me in a lesson of perseverance. Today while we were coloring, she just started singing, singing praises to God and that was a small miracle for me to see. It’s times such as these that I think God is revealing small changes for me to see His glory in Dorothy. She said she would want me to come and be with her always because I have helped her so much. What she doesn’t know is that I really had nothing to do with it, for it is the love of a King and a Great Rescuer that has encouraged her in such a way.

Please continue praying for her. She lives in a place of darkness and witchcraft, with no one to love her, but I know because Zephaniah 3:17 says that we have a God who is mighty to save, and I trust that He will do this too, for Dorothy.

Affectionately Zambia

2008-06-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

There are a few things about life in Zambia that I have come to love affectionately. Here is a short list of things:

1) It takes three times as long to get anything done here. This can include anything from buying bread at the store to getting hot water, to having keys duplicated. For example, we are now on day 12 here in Zambia, and we might have hot water tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, the cold euro-baths have been AWESOME, but seriously…hot water is possible. Also, I went to have some keys made for our house so that no one would be locked out. It took three trips to the keymaker to get a working set. No, I couldn’t make this up. When I took the keys back, the guy just put them on the grinder and handed them back. No key machine, just a grinder. Incredible.

2) Zambian English. Let me give you some examples:
American English: I’ll be right back
Zambian English: I’ll be coming
American English: She has moved away.
Zambian English: She has shifted.
American English: Can I have a ziplock?
Zambian English: Me, I’m asking for a plastic.
American English: What is your schedule for the day?
Zambian English: What is your program today?
American English: Jenny and Becky are twins.
Zambian English: They are duplicates.

There are so many more, I could go on. It’s great.
3) I needed to do laundry today and the closest laundry is only about 3 blocks walking distance. As I was carrying my basket, I was inhaling loads of dust from the clothes stacked inside. Awesome, I tell you…awesome.
4) Chronically black feet…this is probably one of my favorite things about Zambia. There is something to be said for having really dirty feet. You feel as if you have accomplished something for the day. For someone who loves her feet so much, I’m not sure how I can appreciate this, but I do.
5) Being the fat lazy American…and anyone who sleeps past 5:30 am is considered one of these. The Zambians are astonished that we can sleep until 8 (or later if I was allowed).

6) Washing my hair and washing the water turn into red dirt as it covers my head...good times.

7) Week one and already our villa is discussing what we can add to Ramen to improve it's quality.
These are only a few items, but I am sure the list will grow longer as time goes on.

Bats

2008-06-01T03:56:00.001-07:00

There is one thing in Zambia that reminds me of Austin, even though I have never actually done this in Austin. Bats. Lots of bats....everywhere. At night when I walk through the village I hear them sqeaking. And then they swoop down and fly in front of you.

Well later today we will have a meeting with our Zambian friends, and I will find out who will be partner for this week. Tomorrow I will see my kids again, and that makes me very excited. I can't wait to give them all of their Bibles and start talking to them about what they have learned in my absence. I really hope to get them to open up and find out if they really know Jesus. This year I am going to stress the importance of living a life knowing him. Not just paying lip service but to really love Jesus with all their heart, mind and soul.

I am so thankful to be here for this time, to have fellowship with fellow believers in Zambia, with the children, and with other Americans. Please pray that the presence of God, His Holy Spirit will be heavy upon camp, and in each of the volunteers. I ask for changed hearts, changed minds, changed bodies, changed souls. Isaiah says the spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me and He has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor and the oppressed. I pray that I might me used by my king to share the love of Christ, the joy of knowing my Savior wherever I go.

I feel such a kinship with these people. I am grateful that the Lord has brought me here. I can't wait to share the stories of kids this week, and I look forward to throwing my arms around my kids and embracing them in the arms of Safety. PLease pray that I would be a woman who walks in integrity and breathes grace through the power of the Holy Spirit, every where I place my foot.

I hope to be writing you stories soon. I am sending much love to you!

Celebrity Status

2008-05-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

This will be a quick post, but I wanted to update you on my celebrity-ish status here in Zambia. Living right next door to us is the minister of agriculture here in zambia. Because of this, the village is quite busy and they are holding many meetings related to his position. Frequently, there are armed guards just standing around on the streets (guys I wish I knew something about guns so I could tell you what kind of gun, but I do not). There is another cabinet member that lives just down the street whom I had the pleasure of meeting a few nights ago.

My friend that I met at the Zambian concert at Gateway church a few months ago has been in touch with me. They will be arriving in 3 weeks and I hope to spend some time with them while they are here, and possbily going to see their school and assist them in the work they are doing. The world is such a small place.

By friends! Na Kuyewa meningue! (I miss you very much!)

Things I've Discovered in Zambia

2008-05-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

1) There is a rooster that crows outside my window from 1:30am-6:00 am. He definitely sounds like he is on his last rooster leg and needs to be put out of his misery. Luckily, I am usually so tired he doesn't bother my sleeping.

2) Random shutting off of electricity and water, which leads to...use of head lamps and me washing Rachael's hair with bottled water...awesome. You could also use the term "sponge bath," which would be appropriate.

3) Reuniting with my friends here in Zambia. I am filled with so much joy to see them. My relationships here are beautiful and it has been wonderful to visit with them again.

4) I have a great group of villa mates. I am looking forward to spending time with them. One of my villa mates is a photographer and will be working on a book documenting the lives of African children. Very cool.

5) Above said roomate discovered that the pound button here is called "hush." When Alissa was asking her driver which phone number to dial he said 225 hush. So, she sat there quietly for a moment, and then asked again. Again, he replied 225 hush, so she sat quietly a little longer. Finally he took the phone from her and pushed 225 pound...and the world was resolved and right again. Quite funny.

6) It costs about $100 to fill up a Toyota Corolla with gas. That makes the price of gas ~$9/gallon. And we complain about gas prices. (Remember a good job here will pay about $100/month).

7) The Zambians don't use directions, or say right or left. They refer to everything as, "this side" and then use a pointing gesture. This makes it quite confusing when giving directions, as I have to adjust and also use hand gestures coupled with "this side."

So far, mostly just preparations for the first week of camp next week. We have moved into our house, but we have no kitchen. Now I remember why I lost so much weight last summer. Hopefully that will resolve soon and we will have a place to make food. I am going to try to make it to Matero to see my kids on Saturday. I hope to post more soon, but so far have experienced trouble with my own computer and I am severely lacking the ability to get to the internet cafe!

Thank you for all of your prayers. My homesickness is quite better and I am in good spirits. Please pray for wisdom in communicating with people on this side. I want to uphold integrity in every possible way, especially with my words. I need your help in this because I know only the Lord may do that. PLease pray for the children that will come for camp, that they may know the Lord intimately, that He may touch them and experience a changed heart and mind. My own mind is so busy right now that I feel I am rambling. I will try to write again soon!

Love,
Steph

Burning Brush

2008-05-25T03:50:00.000-07:00

Muli Bwanji Muzangas?
(How are you my friends?)

I arrived safely to Lusaka yesterday morning around 6am. After another long 10 hours of flying, where I busied myself with watching Juno, Spinal Tap and Kite Runner, I found myself stepping off of the plane into a whole other world. It really feels like that. I took in a deep breath, already knowing that I would inhale the smell of burning brush...a smell that warms my heart to the memory of this place.

As soon as I arrived, I felt quite at home, but still missing my other home far, far away. I was greeted at the airport by my wonderful, long time friend Paul Mulenga with a huge hug and the best smile you have ever seen. Once outside the airport I also reunited with some other friends-Innocent (the singer), Raphael (the pastor), and Teddy (the quiet one). Some of our drivers I also recognized and they also greeted me with a Muli Bwanji?

Much of my Nyanja I have forgotten because I have not used it, but my friends were quick to begin speaking to me only in Nyanja so that my brain would relearn quickly. Although I find this quite challenging, I enjoy it so much and can't wait to learn even more this summer. The day was very uneventful as we were all travel weary, and adjusting to the seven hour time difference is quite a challenge. We slept almost all day and i awoke at 4:30 am feeling wide awake and ready to get going for the day. yikes.

I'm really looking forward to this summer, and will be seeing my kids in just over a week. To see their smiling faces will be such a joy. This week we will be busy with working and organizing things for camp, so probably not much to write to you about this week. But I will keep you posted on the comings and goings of the staff. We are definitely going to have alot of fun, and have a great group of staff members. We have already been praying and getting to know one another. We will actually be having a staff house this year, which I am grateful for and know will be beneficial for us. We can have a safe place to go to so that we don't have to be "on" all the time, and it will provide some respite from the business.

I look forward to spending some more time with my Zambian friends here, I have missed them so much. We are having our first meeting tomorrow. I must go for now, and will be writing again soon. still no pictures, as I need an additional adapter for my computer and have not been able to write to you from my personal computer yet. i am working on that....

Love,
XOXO

Ahmed and Kalil

2008-05-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends!

I arrived at London HEathrow this morning around 9:30. Our flight was delayed for about an hour out of Dallas, which made some other passengers miss connecting flights, but I found it quite fine as it took a couple of hours off my waiting around here.

I decided not to go into London this year and just hang here at the airport. After the moving and running around and business of last minute preparations this week, I feel exhausted. I did however have a wonderful flight over. In the Dallas airport, I met the cutest little jordanian boys, Ahmed and Kalil. WE were instant friends. My friends Nate, Randy and I chased them around this big blue maze and then we boarded the plane where they continued to think that sticking their hands through my seat were utterly hilarious. I played with them pretty long time before they went to sleep. I affectionately nicknamed Kalil 'monkey,' as he likes to climb on things and he loves the monkey sounds-which he made incessantly. They were adorable.

And so alas, I've had my first child loving experience of the trip. Their mother was Hasi, I'm not quite sure of the spelling. She was lovely as well, and we chatted for a while in the airport. She was speaking to the boys in Arabic and as I listened, I realized what a beautiful language it was and found myself wishing I could speak it too! I really did want to take them with me.

Since I have arrived in London, Kalil, Ahmed and Hasi had to part ways and board a plane to Jordan. I have spent most of the day napping in the quiet room, and wanted to write you the first post from this side of the world!

I would like to send you my first prayer requests! Every year I think I know what I am walking in to when I return to Zambia, and every year...it's new! Oddly, despite my overwhelming excitement, I am feeling quite homesick already. I'm not wanting to come home so much as I am just really missing all of you reading this blog. That may dissolve when I arrive on Zambian soil, but I am feeling quite vulnerable. Please pray for strength and for the purpose of this trip to be at the forefront of my mind. There are so many who need Love out there, and I want to help them find that. The Lord has done so much in me this year, that I feel like a different Stephanie is returning to Zambia this year. The really crazy thing is, an even more modified version will probably return in August! Love you and thank you, as always...for your prayers and support.

Bring It On

2008-04-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

Wow! Time has really crept up on me (probably by wasting time with stuff like that last post). With only 4 more work weeks and 30 short days left until by departure for Zambia, I have been a slew of emotions. I have had multiple meltdowns. I've been happy, sad, apathetic, anxious, nervous, excited, joyful and everything in between. Welcome to the tragedies of being a passionate person...you feel everything...to the extreme! I am so thankful to God that He has created me with so many emotions because through all of them I understand and love Him more.

My house is now on the market going on 4 weeks, and I am praying that it will sell before I leave. Next week is my birthday, and that would be a super ridiculous birthday present from God. Although I am not terribly excited about moving out of my house, I know that God has better plans for me somewhere else and I look forward to finding out what that is.

Maybe it's because of my impatience, or immaturity rather...but it's not all that fun to wait on God. It's kind of frustrating, even though I know it is for me, for my sanctification. Well, I've told God in not so many words, to BRING IT! I'm ready. But I don't know what I'm ready for. Do you see how this gets confusing?

So, in the next month I will have alot on my plate...moving, packing, last minute preparations. I'm excited that all of you are joining me on this adventure and I hope to be reading your comments on my blog while I am in Africa. PLease write me comments, it's how I know you have connected with me half way around the world!

Prayer Requests:
1) God would ready my heart for the children of Zambia and show me how to love them
2) Psalm 23 is our verse for the summer, and I have been meditating on it. Pray the Lord really opens and unpacks that scripture in a way that it can impact the kids.
3) Pray for my house to sell before I leave.
4) Pray that my heart and mind might be quiet enough to hear God's direction for my future.
5) Pray for the strengthening of my spirit and faith during this waiting period.

Thanks, y'all!

The Spoiler

2008-04-13T23:37:00.001-07:00

One of my co-workers recently challenged me to "Google" myself. I first despised the thought, but in my ignorance was talked into this silly venture. And I kid you not, this is the first thing that popped up:

Stephanie Brown is the daughter of the Cluemaster, one of Gotham City's third-rate criminals. Stephanie's father spent most of her childhood in jail or away from the family, and though he claimed to be rehabilitated upon his return to Gotham, Stephanie was furious to discover that he was actually returning to crime without his need to leave clues behind. She decided something needed to be done.

Stephanie tailored a costume for herself, and called herself the Spoiler. She knew where her father was hiding out, found out his plans, and left clues so that the police and Batman could stop him. Robin tracked her down, and she joined in on the capturing of Cluemaster.

Each time Cluemaster would escape or start some new plan, Stephanie would don her costume again. Eventually, she decided she liked being a hero, and began regular patrols as Spoiler. This also brought her into regular contact with Robin, on whom she had a bit of a crush. The two worked as sometimes partners for a time, but eventually, romance blossomed.

That's right, a comic book character. The little kid, the feminist and the crime-fighter in me really loves that this is what popped up when I "Googled" my name. :)

Turtles Pt 2

2008-04-13T13:45:00.001-07:00

I had the opportunity to watch a baby turtle make it's insurmountable climb to the top of a log the other day. I sat there and watched this thing for a good 30 minutes, easily. At first the turtle just kind of swam up to the log and contemplated the work it would take to climb it, and would sit there for a while. Then it would put one claw on the bottom of the log, and then when it felt secure it would put the other claw up...one by one until all four claws were attached to this log.

And then he began to climb. It was hilarious. He would put one claw forward, and pull himself a little, and then another. And then much to his chagrin, he would fall back into the water. Yet he would get back up and try again. One claw and then the other. He would make a little progress upwards, and then slide a little. A little more progress and then fall a little again, each time digging his claws in deeper and deeper...until he finally summited the log to lay with the rest of his friends.

I think the process of our sanctification looks much like that turtle's journey up that log. I think sometimes, as humans, and especially as Americans, we are always hurrying forward as fast we can. We want to know what we can do to get to the top as quickly as possible. We will do whatever it takes. We get frustrated when we fail and we fall back. I know I am personally overcome with guilt at times that I fail, and I am disappointed with myself that I should have known better. Because I can't do it well, and I can't do it fast, sometimes I want to give up. But sometimes falling in the water is part of our progress.

But as I watched that turtle, I heard God tell me that this is what my life will look like. A slow, sometimes painful climb to the top. God will change me, He will make me look more and more like Jesus everyday. Some days, when I am discouraged, or afraid or sad, humiliated or a really big sinner...I will just have to sink my claws deep into the log of life and keep going because I know that He has purposed it. Some days I will feel the weight of success and will be glad. But I probably won't see the progress each day. I'm pretty sure I will see the failures of each day. I usually see my daily failures at the expense of ignoring my daily successes, and that is something I want to work on. But with success, more than likely, one day I will wake up and think...when did I get so much closer to the top?

Sometimes those seasons of pain or sadness will be longer than I want them to be. Sometimes those seasons of joy will have me feeling so high, I will think life couldn't be better. But in any season, I know that God is there, He is holding me up and helping me forward...until the day that I will be united with My King. Until then, God's creations is painfully groaning and awaiting the time when we will no longer flounder around in the stream of life, but will make it to the top of that log and praise Him forever for bringing us there.

So today, don't focus on the failures. Forgive yourself, as God forgave you...and try to think of one success today so that you can remember it for tomorrow.

Turtles on a Log

2008-04-13T13:03:00.000-07:00

I went for a run at town lake yesterday. I love running down there. Sometimes I think if I can just keep running for the entire loop, that I can keep running forward in life, too. (Obviously I'm not much of a runner, or that task wouldn't seem to big for me). But mostly I love running at town lake because I get to encounter God.

Sometimes I find myself tremendously frustrated at not being able to see God. The One thing I find all satisfaction and joy in, the One who loves me and holds me as a child, and who holds all things together, who grieves with me and who rejoices with me, the One who made a way for me....God is so majestic, and yet I can't seem Him. Does that resonate with anyone else? I can't physically interact with my greatest satisfaction which sometimes still leaves me feeling like He is far away.

But when I am running, and surrounded by God's beautiful creation, I can see a little piece of Him. I can see the creativity of an ENORMOUSLY CREATIVE GOD. I can see the creation that He worked out with such painful detail. Lately, I can find joy in the beautiful breeze and sunshine, and a little piece of me lights up inside. And somehow, that makes me feel closer to Him.

As I was winding down my fun, I stopped to admire a row of turtles sun bathing on a log in a side stream. I was kind of laughing to myself while I sat there and watched them just hang out. I saw two of them start to claw at one another. I'm not sure if they were playing or arguing, but once one was mauled by a claw, it would retract it's head into the shell, and disappear. A few minutes later, it would reemerge and claw at the turtle that had clawed him to begin with, and then retreat again for fear of retaliation.

I started thinking to myself that (even though turtles are a much simpler being than humans) turtles are a reflection of the way we react sometimes. Someone hurts us...says something rude and inappropriate, or breaks our heart, or cuts into our pride, condemns us...and we automatically retreat. We crawl into ourselves and refuse to let that person "harm" us again. Sometimes this happens after one offense, sometimes after repeated offenses, but our reaction is the same: to retreat. And usually the people that hurt us the deepest are those who are closest. It makes sense, those closest to us know our deepest vulnerabilities and struggles. Sometimes relationships get ugly. And by retreating we miss something bigger than the hurt we just experienced. We also miss the joys and blessings we could be having in that relationship, if we would just reconcile. We miss depending on God to bring healing and restoration.

No thanks God, I just don't want to be hurt again. I've had enough, not going through that again. So and so offended me...deeply...repeatedly. We retreat and so separate ourselves from God...and from friends. We are left alone to work out our hurt, or maybe to let it grow and foster bitterness. It's so much easier that way, isn't it? To be left to ourselves? IT takes so much more work to reconcile and flesh out emotions and hurts...and it usually gets worse before it gets better.

I am such a prideful person, and usually want to react the first way. To close up, and to shut out people who hurt me. But Jesus says in Matthew 18:21 that we are to forgive each other as many times as we need to be forgiven. Colossians 3:13 says forgive whatever grievances we have with each other, as the Lord forgave us. And above all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. This takes work for me. I don't think there will be a time in life when I won't struggle with needing to forgive someone at the expense of destroying my own pride.

But, I have also seen the Lord bring unparalleled reconciliation to some relationships in my own life, and that is a beautiful thing. Because I know that He restored my relationships because of His great love for me (and my friends). And it is what He has done, because I know that Stephanie is not capable of that kind of healing. He loves us so much, and wants us to love each other so much, that He can bring healing to us and to those we love, so that we may continue to love and serve each other in a way that glorifies His name.

I pray that if there is someone you need to be reconciled with today, that you would make the first step towards them in love, the kind of love that Christ offers us. I pray that He brings that kind of healing and restoration to your relationships, so that at the end of the day (like the turtles), we can all sit on the log together and bask in the light of a Savior that is gracious and good.

Christ's Suffering According to Luke

2008-03-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

On my yahoo mail page this morning sprawled a huge "advertisement" for Easter. In the add was a picture of a group of bright, multi-colored chicks, which I frankly find pathetic. I don't particularly think of myself as an animal rights activist, but dyeing a bunch of small chickens for the sake of advertisement sort of makes me sick to my stomach. I don't even know what they were selling, to be quite honest. All I could think about is how so often, even as Christians, we miss the true meaning of Easter. It has never been and never will be, about brightly colored chickens, or eggs or even a bunny. Why do we as Americans have to have everything "marketed" to us so that we will find it appealing?

The cross is not appealing. Isaiah 53:2- "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." Nor does Jesus try to market His gospel or make it palatable for us to accept Him.

It is only to those whom God has revealed that we see the true beauty and glory of the cross. I was re-reading the gospel accounts of Jesus last days this week, and I was particularly struck with Luke's account. For His account is the only one that mentions Jesus sweating blood on the Mount of Olives. Luke was a physician and as such may have had a natural curiosity regarding that physiological process which could produce this kind of response. He also would have been a careful observer. But as I read, I also noted that His gospel focuses primarily on relationships and character, and he went through painstaking measures to seek out eye witness accounts of Jesus' life. Jesus character of obedience might be revealed as closely here as in any other gospel.

Luke 22:44
"And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

One of the Austin Stone's devotionals for this week discusses the medical condition, called hematohidrosis, in which one is so overcome by mental anxiety and stress that the blood vessels surrounding the sweat glands burst and produce drops of blood. But that is not what I want to discuss. What I want to discuss is what caused such a response in My King in those last days of His life?

Surely as God, he foreknew the physical agony He was about to endure in His human body. He knew the exhaustion, the beatings, the dehydration, the pain from nails piercing His nerves in His hand and feet on the cross, the physical shock that He would endure from experiencing such raw pain. This would have been the worst possible method of capital punishment at the time. But as Jesus is crying out to God, (vs42)" Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but your will be done," I have a hard time believing that He is envisioning the physical pain He would endure.

For far more than the physical pain, He was divinely aware of the spiritual pain He was about to encounter. His purpose on this earth, that He has known all along, was to bear the sins of the world-past, present and future. Not only would He bear the guilt and shame of all peoples, He would also bear the ultimate outpouring of God's wrath. His Father, in this moment would not save Him but allow Him to experience, a hell of sorts, for all lost sinners. I think this is what caused Him such anguish that his sweat fell like drops of blood. For the pain and suffering of God's wrath is greater than any physical pain we could experience on this earth, for pain on this earth is only physical and temporary. But the pain of a soul's separation from God is internal and eternal.

But because of God's faithfulness, Christ was crucified, RESURRECTED and raised to God's right hand. Jesus (Isaiah 53:7) "was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." He WILLINGLY and OBEDIENTLY suffered that kind of pain, so that we might be reconciled to God and have LIFE! He endured the suffering of God's wrath, so that you and I might not have to.

Friends, if that does not bring you to your KNEES today, that should make you weep (mourn and wail). For no one can comprehend the depth of the cross unless they first realize how much they have to be forgiven. The love of the cross is derived from a heart that understands it's personal responsibility for what sent Jesus to such a painful end.

Isaiah 53:12
"Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with transgressors. For he bore the sins of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

A Walk Home

2008-01-13T20:41:00.000-08:00

I have always envied those people whose blogs are wreaking of sharp wit and intelligence. One of my friends in particular, (whose name I will not mention because I am not sure if she would approve) always writes with such a perfect balance of wit and humor that I never leave without a good belly laugh.

But I have now resigned myself to the fact that I am not one of those people. It's something about the way my friend sees the world, through the lenses of pessimism and satire. Now, please do not perceive me wrong. I am perfectly happy with my own lenses, but sometimes I wish I could put hers on for a short while.

I do not write those blogs because the world does not inspire me in the same way. It frequently succeeds at amusing me, but it doesn't influence me to put my thoughts down for public observation. The one thing that quickens that same response in my heart is Jesus. Let me share with you.

Just a few days ago, I dropped my car off at the local Firestone Station to get some badly needed new tires. The lovely gentleman at the counter informed me that it might be a few hours before it was done, so I decided to leave it there and told him I would return. The Firestone being all of 5 or 6 blocks to my house, I started to make my way back there on foot. It was a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky, magnificently bright sunshine, and a cool breeze. I also happened to have my new IPOD in my purse which I clothed myself with for the walk home. I felt like this day was God's special gift to me, even though I am well aware that all were free to enjoy it the same as I.

My IPOD was sporting Hillsong's new album, Savior King. If you haven't heard it, you should listen to it and if you don't have it, you should get it. Anyways, as I was listening my heart was filled with praise at the awesomeness of our God and I suddenly wanted to throw my hands up in the air! Psalm 119:48 I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees.

Then I remembered that I was in public, and began to be a little fearful of how crazy people might think I was if i just started lifting up my hands. Then I began to argue with myself, why should it matter? Who cares if anyone passes any judgement on me lifting up my hands? Maybe me lifting up my hands might cause someone to ask me what compelled me to do so? Although I seriously doubted anyone would give any thought to me at all, and if they did they would just pass me off as one more crazy...I was still nervous about the act. But as the music grew more and more in my mind, and arousing my heart to sing of the One Holy God...I did it. I threw my hands into the air and sang to the sky for about two blocks, boasting the praises of my Savior and my King. No one bothered to ask me, by the way, why in the world I was conducting myself in such a way, although many passed me.

And in that moment, I felt so FREE! I realized that even in this one simple act, it does not matter what the world thinks of me. And it doesn't matter what I think of it. What matters, is that I serve a Sovereign God and I have the freedom to praise him anytime and anywhere I choose (at least in this country). I hope that in bigger ways, I will be able to realize that the world is not my judge, and I'm glad they're not. Because if they were, I might be ridiculed in a moment like this, but I found happiness in knowing that God was delighting in His child's praises.

Thankful for Christ

2007-12-25T09:41:00.000-08:00

On this Christmas Day, I conclude my study of the Old Testament Tabernacle. What I once thought was boring and useless detailed information about the building of a tent is now a revelation of a Hope that has come!

Through every minute detail of the tabernacle, the coming of Christ is revealed to Israel. From the articles in the tent, to the color and type of fabrics used...Christ is the fulfillment of this earthly tabernacle. At it's completion, the glory of the Lord fills the tabernacle in a cloud:

Exodus 40:35 Moses could not enter the Tent of Meeting because the cloud had settled upon it, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle.

Finally, the Israelites had a place on this earth where the Lord resided! But today, as I completed this reading, my heart felt sad for the Israelites. They merely had a place where the Lord resided, but where few could go and actually commune with Him. After all of their hard work and obedience, they still did not obtain complete fulfillment. The needed a high priest to communicate with God.

Today, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to experience that complete fulfillment, because God sent Christ to indwell me. John 1:14 says, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us." That word dwell literally translates into tabernacled. Christ was sent to tabernacle among us. He is the High Priest that intercedes for me at God's right hand. God placed Himself into me, that I might daily commune with Him!

How often do I take this for granted? Daily. But today, as I celebrate the true miracle of what God has done, I am thankful for:

1) Christ was offered as the ultimate sacrifice for me
2) I have the ability to commune with God freely, that is His gift to me
3) That in my country, I am able to worship freely and passionately
4) That Christ has lifted me out of the slimy pit and the mud and the mire and set my feet on Him as my rock and a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2)
5) That although I fall painfully short of living the life Christ has called me to, He continues to pick me up and perfect me. Thank you for making me Holy!
6) God continues to bless me with more than I deserve...friends, joy, family, righteousness, holiness, opportunity, love.
7) His presence. Nothing compares to simply being in His presence, and I want everyone in the world to know that He is IT! Jesus is all you need.

Of course, I should be thankful for these things every day. But some days I get caught up in day to day life, and I take them for granted. I am thankful that today, I can sit quietly and reflect on what a truly AWESOME God we serve. As you read this, take the time to ask the Lord's presence to wash over you, ask Him to come to you and reveal to you the wonder, and fulfillment of Christ!

Zambian Praise

2007-12-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

For ANYONE who would love to be blessed by beautiful music!

Do You Know Him?

2007-12-18T10:25:00.000-08:00

The Power of One

2007-12-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

I just finished The Power of One, one of the better books I have read as of late.

The story revolves around a 5 year old boy growing up in South Africa during apartheid. Through life, love and boxing, Peekay is able to defeat the demons of his past and learns that heart, with a little brains is a deadly combination.

And for all of you Zambia lovers out there, this book will take you deep into the heart of the copperbelt, revealing the relationally centered culture of Africa.

Real Faith

2007-12-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

EZEKIEL 36:26-27
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Love of The Savior

2007-12-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends!

I am pleased to be writing to you in the midst of this holiday season! Let me take a moment to wish you...MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It is fitting that we celebrate Christmas before a new year begins, because as I am reminded of His birth and my initial salvation, I am also reminded of His continued love and hand over my life. Each year, through every joy and every pain I know that my Lord is drawing me closer to Him. This year has been amazing, and I want to share some of the things God has shown me:

1) How and why to love people beyond my own capabilities.
2) The importance of community that is loving, encouraging, seeking
Christ together and sharing Christ together.
3) How to be vulnerable, even when it hurts.
4) That He TRULY is sufficient to meet EVERY need, every day.
5) Temporal things satisfy me less and less, but I have never left
His presence unsatisfied.
6) He has helped me to live more victoriously over sin than in previous seasons of my life.

This year I have been able to clearly see how He enables me to trust Him more and more. I am so privileged to know Jesus, and blessed to be a part of what He is doing here and in the nations (particularly Zambia). I have the honor to live the kind of life that is fully satisfying. I am trying not to take any breath or any day for granted.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. I am so blessed to know so many beautiful people in my life. I have learned so much about life and love through my friends. Through everyone I encounter, God shapes me to be more of the person he created me to be! So, thank you, because without each of you I would not be in the place I am today!

Second Place

2007-10-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

I took second prize for BEST COSTUME at Michelle and Joe's Annual Halloween Costume Party by dressing up as my boss' husband! It was beautiful.

The Cross

2007-10-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone continues to read my blog since I returned home. Many times I feel like life here is not as exciting as it is in Zambia. But I would be wrong. The Lord is alive and active in my life here just as much as He is in Zambia, it just looks a little different.

This week, I have wrestled with the Lord. I mean really wrestled...with anger, forgiveness, sadness, anxiety... and I have to tell you that I am constantly amazed by the grace and love that the Lord showers over me. I love that He ALWAYS leads me by His Spirit and His word.

God has been rocking my world for about 6 months now. In preparation for Zambia I felt joy, anticipation and encouragement. In Zambia I felt utter joy, challenge, frustration, a great spirit of encouragement. Upon my arrival home I felt sadness, renewed strength, a new desire for the Lord, but quite disappointed to be home. In relationships I have felt encouraged, loved, broken, hurt, desired, helped and helpless. For the future, I lack understanding and vision at the moment which leaves me feeing confused and sometimes frustrated.

I know that some of you may be thinking that this is discouraging, but through these experiences the Lord continually brings me back to the foot of the cross where He brings me to a place of submission. And in my own stubbornness and obstinance, still chooses to rain down his love and mercy upon me. As I look back on the amazing work the Lord has done in my life, I realize that every lesson I have learned in love and in life comes back to what Christ accomplished on the cross for me.

Nothing I do in life matters, if I don't do it for Christ. No journey I take will be successful without Christ, and praise Him for it! He desires me so much that He will continually remove obstacles in my life to draw me closer to Him, even if it brings me deep hurt. People have always said to me, "God's purposes are higher than our own, and His knowledge is infinite and beyond our understanding." Over the past two years, I have come to understand what that means, although I don't always understand why He works situations the way He does. But my understanding of how and why He works situations is not important, it is that I trust in Him and in His goodness towards me.

My prayer for all who read this is that you would experience Christ working in your life this way. That despite joy, disappointments, and all the other array of emotions or situations you may endure, that you could still look at Christ and wonder at His character. He is higher than your hopes, higher than your dreams, and that is a scary thing sometimes.

The more I realize that He is in control of my life, the more hope I have for the future, because He is the only thing/person worth hoping in. I am so thankful that when I look at my life, I can see how the Lord has prepared me for situations that He would bring me through, gave me healing and hope, has caused me to endure and has made me a better friend, lover, sister, daughter, co-worker, etc. I am looking forward to seeing what He has for me next.

Psalms 3:3-5
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory upon me and lift up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because he Lord sustains me."

Two Quotes of the Day

2007-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

“The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” - Charles Dubois

“The reason I’m attracted to the light of Scriptures is because there’s another side of me that is dark. The reason I’m interested in men of peace is because I’m not like them and would like to be. I’m not someone in real life who turns the other cheek. ”
Bono

Life As Usual (Or Not)

2007-08-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

After an unexpectedly rough journey back to the States, I am now home in Austin and re-acclimating to life in the fast lane again. Although my heart longs to be in Zambia loving the children, the Lord has shown me an amazing amount of grace in being home. By that I mean, God is showing me all of the good things in my life in Austin that I have to be thankful for.

My brain still has alot of experiences to process left over from the summer. My time there was so busy, there has been a delay of the penetration of my experiences to my heart. There is so much that I learned this summer that it is somewhat overwhelming to begin praying through all of it.

One of the ways in which the Zambians live that impacted me the most was their since of community, and the joy they derive from it. They know one another well, they are able to support, encourage and correct one another with an equal amount of love.

Just being able to be there, to love those children and to teach them the Word of God gave me a deeper yearning to live my life with a pure heart. God has given us senses to take in His creation and to know Him, but those same senses have also been perverted by sin. Much of the information that I inhale each day is full of perversion, tv and magazines are particularly disruptive to my natural state of peace in the Lord. Let's just take a look at what one might find on any given day on the television or on the front of a magazine...dysfunctional marriages, sex, affairs, nudity, violence, profanity, people treating one another horribly, sin being exalted. It's not like I never considered these things before, but I became so desensitized to it that I was unaware. That is how Satan packages it for us here in the States. We don't even know he is there. Furthermore, some brilliant sitcom writers have figured out how to make people's tragic and unhealthy relationships comical. Now I know some of you reading this are thinking I am crazy and you are probably calling me an extremest, and what I have to say to you is...come and love on some orphans for a few weeks and see how it changes you. The comforts and luxuries of our world harmfully blind us to the dangers of it.

I am praying that God would give me the strength to make even small everyday decisions that would honor and glorify Him, like leaving the TV off. I am praying that He would cause me to be more vulnerable in my community and that we would live together as He has called us to live together...supporting, encouraging, correcting and advising one another in wisdom. And this is just the beginning.

The good news is, HE is good and holy, and He has mine (and your) bests interests as His priority. I truly hope that you are experiencing God in a new way today too, and if you are not I hope you will ask me to pray for you. The life He wants to offer you is so much better and sweeter than anything you could concoct yourself!

Soon I will be working on a video and some other exciting info on what Family Legacy has planned, so be on the lookout for a few more posts full of fun!

Winding Down

2007-08-04T03:21:00.000-07:00

Muli Bwanji (How are you)? I think this will be my final post from Zambia, oh it's a sad day. The summer has been amazing, challenging, exhausting, joyful, and I have seen the Lord work in amazing ways!

Friday was an extremely emotional day for me as I had to say goodbye to some of my dear Zambian friends. Many tears were shed on both sides for the loss that we will all feel as we have to go our seperate ways...for now. Our amazing Zambians circled around us and sang for us in their native language and then prayed for us. I was not able to video because my memory card was full, but I hope to attain some videos from my friends and be able to share it with you. The manner in which they pray and sing is unlike anything you have ever witnessed!

These last two weeks were alot of fun, as some of my friends John, Paul and Kent from Austin joined me in Zambia! All of them now know why I love Zambia so much and why I hate leaving this beautiful place! It was neat to witness their experiences and how God touched each of their lives. John had the opportunity to go with his group of kids and his partner(Isaac) to a witch doctor's house and share the gospel. This witch doctor actually turned away business while the group was sharing with him. He and his wife both accepted Christ and Isaac explained to them that in Christ you are a new creation, and the old has gone. Therefore, you cannot go on living the way you are living, you are no longer able to be a witch doctor who curses people. I think it was hard for the man to accept, but they prayed that this man would not have peace within himself until he destroyed all of his charms and found another way to make money for his family. The couple was very happy.

I wish that you all could be here to witness the work that God is doing. In America, we are too obstinate and to quick to explain things away with our vast intellect. But the gospel cannot be dismissed with intellect, and it is not for those with obstinate hearts. I have really been feeling burdened for my own country as I prepare to come home. Burdened that we have too many other things to do besides share the joy and love of Christ, burdened that we have too many people unwilling to hear the message of Christ, or who think they are above God.
For how can we who were created be wiser or smarter than He who created us? I wish people at home were just as hungry for the word of God as people here in Zambia, but we as Americans just fill that hunger with stuff. One more ipod, one more iphone, one more flat screen plasma...Just some food for thought.

Last week I heard a story of a girl who said that her father had not hugged her, loved her, talked to her in many years. She went home one day after camp and was able to shared with her father that in Christ he was loved, and that he was accepted into God's family. That he was secure in his salvation, and that he could walk victoriously and free in Christ. The man actually started crying, picked up his daughter, hugged her and told her thank you! That is the power of Christ. That relationships can be healed and reconciled, that God has the power to change a life in an instant! I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to witness change after change after change! I truly am blessed to be a witness!

I also had the opportunity to see my second school of girls this week, as they came to camp. Their school is called Hope and Faith. Again, I was tackled with hugs the minute they spotted me, and Mumbi kept saying to Memory "I told you auntie Stephanie would be here, I told you she would come, I told you!" It made me smile and even though I did not have a small group this week, I was able to sit in on their small group a couple of times and we all liked that very much. Sadly, I will not see them next year at camp because they will be in grade 8, and community schools only go to grade 7. Perhaps I will have to make a special trip to visit them.

I am hoping to follow up with my Destiny school children next week before I leave. These kids touch my heart in a special way, and I almost can't bear to leave them. I know the Lord has plans for me at home, and I only pray that I will be faithful to proceed forth with them. As always, I love you all and can't wait to tell you about everything when I get home! Zi como muzanga wangas (thank you my friends)!

Joyful

2007-07-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the length of time since my last post, and I was reading over it I realized it was lacking a spirit of hope. So, here I am your faithful servant to debrief you once more.

I believe that I am just now starting to process all that I have experienced and witnessed this summer. The Lord is really working on my heart personally as well as through the lives of these sweet and beautiful children.

As I was reflecting on some scripture last night, I became overwhelmed at how loving our God is. I have looked at my life over the last year and seen what God's hand has accomplished, and I feel so undeserving. Yet I know that He has given me everything for His glory, and how much comfort I can find in that. I believe that He is healing alot of bitterness in me and causing me to pursure hard after Him. I come to realize more and more everyday how much I need the love, redemption and security of Christ.

He loves me, He loves you! Each of us are worthy to be given everything good because it is a privelege to be called a child of God. He will rejoice over us with singing and quiet us with His love. I am so thankful for the healing and security the Lord gives me, that I may walk confidently in His word.

Last week was amazing! I have been making more and more house calls lately. I feel so honored that these families and caregivers have invited me into their homes so freely and without reservation. They have welcomed me, and I know that it is only by the Lord's hand that I am able to share gospel and to help them in any small way. I have so much to tell you all about the children but it seems overwhelming to try to post it all here. I look forward to seeing each and everyone one of you upon my return in three weeks.

Please pray that the Lord will be my guide. That I will pursue what is right, holy and pure. I love you all!

2007-07-15T04:04:00.000-07:00

Hello friends! I am so happy to finally be writing to you have a few weeks. The first few weeks we had internet access in the villa and I could get to it when I have time, but now we do not and getting to the cafe is proving to be a challenge.

Week 5 presented some challenges. Monday morning, the Zambians showed up to Nakatendi hall and were told that they were locking the doors and that we would not be allowed to use the facilities. This is how things go in Zambia. So, literally at the very last second Moses (executive director, Family Legacy Zambia) made some calls and camp was moved to Dunamis church which is the largest church in Zambia. They are charging us more than double what we were paying at Nakatendi but the facilities are much nicer and we have enjoyed our time there.

I can't remember if I blogged about this, but several weeks ago we participated in an awareness march for voluntary counseling and testing of AIDS. During that time of "awareness" some witch doctors came out and started dancing and giving money to the deputy mayor. We immediately pulled the kids because this is exactly the same kind of things that we are trying to deliver them from. The deputy mayor was very upset because without the kids he really didn't have a program. A hunch tells me this is why we were kicked out. All that to say, there is some intense spiritual warfare going on in this city, but God always provides and camp continues to press forward.

I have continued visiting homes of the children that need the most care, going and providing medications and education to the families. It is my favorite part of my job here. I love being invited into the homes and being able to commune with the caregivers of these children and to share with them the word of God. Every single one of these children is precious, and my heart continues to break for them.

I revisited one of my girls from week 4 (the week I had my own group) and spent several hours with her. The week she came to camp she would hardly talk to us at all, and when I visited her on friday we shared the Truth of God with here for several hours. At the end of that time, she insisted that there was nothing that I could pray for her about. Finally, she was able to tell me and my partner (Ethel)that she wanted to kill herself, that her living situation with her grandomother was so bad that she would rather be living on the street. Her appearance was hopeless and sorrowful. I can't tell you how many hours I spent weeping over this child, both at camp and upon revisitation. How many hours I have spent in prayer for her begging God to allow me just to take some of her sorrow and exchange it for the joy I have in Christ. I know that it is only He who can save her, but I hurt so much for her. Please be praying for her, she is Dorothy. I know our prayers do not return void, for He says that if we ask and believe in the name of Jesus, it is already done.

Last week I reached a breaking point. The comination of lack of sleep, exhaustion and lack of alone time, lack of time to process and difficult situations of the kids culminated in a small emotional breakdown. I was unprepared for taking the roll of a full time staff person and all of the responsibilites that incurs. I am always on duty, always being pulled in a million directions and have little time to myself. But this weekend I have had some very good quiet and worship time as well as rest. The Lord has renewed by mind and body and I feel fully equipped to press forward with the coming weeks. I am looking to Him only to be my strength.

Please be praying that the Lord would contiue to hold me in His hand, and pray for my mental health as I end my time here. I am not ready to leave, and i know that coming home will be extremely difficult. I am not prepared to return home, although I know that it must happen for now. I know the Lord will give me grace in every step I take, but I know the transition home will be hard. I love you all and I am thinking of you often!

Chobe National Game Reserve

2007-07-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

I am in love with guava!

Yesterday our team traveled a short distance to Botswana (Andrea, I thought of you) to safari through Chobe National Game Reserve. It was quite and adventure. At one point we were standing on four different countries: Botwana, Namibia, Zambia and Zimbabwe. Pretty cool. We learned that this is the only place in the world that four countries meet.

To cross the border we had to take a little motor boat across the Zambezi river. The first half of our day was spent on a safari boat tour. We cruised the Chobe River where we were able to spot a variety of the most beautiful fishing birds you have ever seen, small and HUGE crocodiles, hippos, water monitor lizards, elephants, bald eagles, and a number of other things. The fisher birds fly very high over the water and then dive beak first like a rocket. The weather was perfect, about 60 degrees and windy but with the sun shining over head. The beautiful African planes are incomparable to anything I have seen.

The afternoon was spent in Chobe Park on a game drive where we viewed more heards of elephants, giraffes, sables, impala, guineas, kudus, etc. I really wanted to see a lion or a leapord but Winnie (our guide) said that they are very difficult to view because their activity is almost soley restrictred to dawn and or midnight. Winnie was a fantastic guide and is very knowledgeable about all of the animals. I know it's his job, but he was very pleasant.

In Chobe, we were told that there are around 45,000 elephants!!!! Winnie said that the large elephant population is a problem. A few years ago the government voted on killing some of them off, but that was vetoed. Instead, they decided to sell off several thousand elephants to countries lacking an elephant population. The entire park is over 10,500 KM!!!!! Our tour did not even scratch the surface, but it was so much fun. Next time I would like to go on an all day game drive and be out there at dawn to watch the lions.

Unfortunately, my camera broke a couple of days ago so my pictures from the safari were collected on a disposable Kodak (better than nothing). My friends have offered to share with me though, and I look forward to showing them to you when I return. But let's not think of that now. Tomorrow I am returning to Lusaka to gear up for week 5 of camp!

Victoria Falls

2007-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

We spent the day today hiking Vic Falls. We are staying at a place called the Zambezi Sun and it is so beautiful here. The hotel is built on a national game park so the monkeys, zebras and giraffes roam freely. Victoria falls is about a three minute walk a way and you can see the "smoke" billowing from the hotel.

I have never seen anything this beautiful, it is impossible to put into words. I can't wait to share pictures when I return even though I know they will not do this place justice. We took raincoats from the hotel because you get soaked to the bone walking around. The rainy season has just ended so the Falls are flowing fully. Animals roam freely, and the area is almost like a rain forest. Beautiful trees, vines, cliffs, moss, and rocks everywhere. The falls create a 360 degree rainbow at one point, and double rainbows, and little rainbows everywhere. The majesty of the falls are truly amazing, and as I was standing in the today Psalm 86 came to mind.

Among the gods there is none like you O Lord.
No deeds can compare with yours
All the nations will come and worship before you, O Lord

It is impossible to look at this wonder and not see a God who is majestic and holy, beautiful and good. For everything that He has made in this creation tells us something about His character. In the day that I have been here, my health is almost 100%. It has been nice to escape the congestion, pollution and dust of Lusaka, although my heart longs to return there and embrace many hurting children.

The work to be done in Lusaka is great, and I know that the coming weeks will be the most difficult. We have larger numbers of Americans, and therefore kids, and we are loosing a couple of summer staff whose time it is to return home. PLease continue praying for renewal of strength daily, pray for efficiency and pray for communication between the staff. If at any point there is communication breakdown, attitudes get testy. Also please continue praying for clear direction from the Lord in what His plans are for me.

DESTINY

2007-07-01T01:50:00.000-07:00

I AM FINALLY ABLE TO WRTIE SOMETHING AGAIN AFTER TWO VERY LONG WEEKS. I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH A DEEP RESPIRATORY COUGH. AFTER A ROUND OF ANTIBIOTICS THAT DIDN'T TOUCH ME, AND A WEEK OF FEELING PRETTY MISERABLE, I AM NOW IN VICTORIA FALLS FOR SOME MUCH NEEDED REST.

LAST WEEK WAS AMAZING, I WAS ABLE TO SEE MOST OF MY DESTINY KIDS FROM LAST YEAR WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW. AS SOON AS THEY STEPPED OFF OF THE BUS, THEY BEGAN YELLING "AUNTIE STEPHANIE, AUNTIE STEPHANIE." IT SO WARMS MY HEART TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE DISCIPLING THEM. I HAD A FEW NEW KIDS, WHICH PRESENTED MORE OF A CHALLENGE. THE GIRLS ARE GROWING UP INTO YOUNG LADIES, AND WITH THAT GROWTH COMES A NEW SET OF SPIRITUAL NEEDS.

THE THEME THIS YEAR IS POWERFUL, AND IT IS EVEN MORE POWERFUL WHEN YOU HAVE TO TEACH IT TO 15 KIDS. I DEFINITELY LOVED TEACHING THEM HOW TO BE LOVED, ACCEPTED, SECURE, SIGNIFICANT AND FREE IN JESUS CHRIST. THEY ARE SUCH SIMPLE AND POWERFUL TRUTHS. I HAVE DEFINITELY MISSED HAVING A SMALL GROUP OF MY OWN. TO TALK TO EACH OF THE KIDS ONE ON ONE AND TO FIND OUT THEIR STORIES IS ALWAYS HEART BREAKING AND SAD. THE JOY ON THEIR FACES AT THE END OF THE DAY MAKES EVERY TEAR WORTH IT. BECAUSE THE LORD HAS SENT ME AND MY PARTNER ETHEL, THESE CHILDREN KNOW THEY ARE LOVED.

MY PARTNER THIS YEAR WAS NOT PAUL (MY PARTNER FROM THE PREVIOUS TWO YEARS). MY NEW PARTNER'S NAME IS ETHEL AND SHE HAS A GENTLE AND SWEET SPIRIT ABOUT HER. WE ARE TWO PEAS IN A POD. EVERY MORNING WE WOULD SING AND PRAY TOGETHER. THE REAL CHALLENGE CAME THE FIRST DAY WHEN ALL OF THE KIDS WERE ASKING ME, "WHERE IS UNCLE PAUL, WHERE IS UNCLE PAUL?" IT TOOK THEM A COUPLE OF DAYS TO ADJUST TO ETHEL, BUT IN THE END THEY LOVED HER.

THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH TO WRITE HERE ABOUT THE STORIES I WITNESSED BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL MESSAGE WE HAVE EVER GIVEN. SATAN IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT OUR WORK HERE AND THERE ARE MANY OBSTACLES IN THE WAY. THE FACILITY THAT WE ARE AT HAS DOUBLE BOOKED ON SEVERAL OCCASSIONS FORCING US TO MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS. WE ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A NEW FACILITY FOR THE SECOND HALF, SO PLEASE BE IN PRAYER FOR THAT. I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO WRITE MORE FAITHFULLY FROM HERE ON OUT.

George Compound

2007-06-16T04:12:00.000-07:00

There is just not enough time in the day here to do everything that I want to, and part of that includes emailing you all individually. I want you to know that I have received all of the emails, and they are blessing me. Please keep sending me stories from home. I am sorry if I have not resonded, forgive me.

Thursday was community day, and I am so thrilled to be sharing my experience with you. I traveled to George compound, and the community school we are involved with there is called Jesus Cares George. They are a new school which has never before worked with Family Legacy for Camp Life.

Some of the roads the bus traveled on were exactly the size of the bus so that we were brushing shopkeepers stands as we drove by. It was a little scary, I am always afraid they are going to hit someone. When the bus arrived at the school, there were probably about 100 people standing around. We briefly prayed, and then the kids were off to boldy proclaim the freedom offered through Christ.

I couldn't possibly have enough time or room to share everything, but what I do know is that George is one of the most poverty stricken areas in Lusaka. The need for the gospel there is so unbelievable, and so raw and genuine. Every home that we visited people were eager and ready to hear the words of Christ, and when we were finished people were standing in line for us to come and talk to them. One man who was so drunk he could barely walk approached us and said, "I want to accept Jesus." Then the children prayed for him and went through the evangecube and this grown man just began weeping....right there!

I can't tell you how many times this happened, over and over. The people of these communities are desperate for the love and power of Jesus Christ. They LOVE the evangecubes! It's funny to me, that this is a tool that probably many Americans would make fun of. But to these people, it is essential. It is a perfect visual of the story of Christ, and to have children explaining it is very powerful because usually not much value is placed upon them.

We talked to entire families! People began weeping in the streets. Now, I know that others on our team did not have similar experiences, so I know that the Lord was paving our way and blessing us with opportunities. I have never experienced anything like this, even when I have come before. We were truly blessed.

Amongst the poverty, the death, destruction, struggles, injustices....I'll tell you, there is something that the people have very right here. The NEED for Jesus. I feel so incredibly at home here. Literally, when we are in town, tons of people walk up to us and want to know what it is we are doing here. We have connected with so many people. God is powerfully at work here, and I am so blessed to be a part of it.

I wish I could write of each encounter that we had today, but I am running to meet my friend Raphael for coffee. I am so happy that I have been able to write as often as I have. I still have a cough, but my spirit is well, and I am encouraged. Please continue praying for the new group of children that will come this week, and please pray for me that the message of freedom in Christ would indeed free my own soul in Christ. That the same bondages we are breaking the children of would also be broken in me. ANd PLEASE continue praying for direction and leading from the Lord. I don't know what His plan for me is, but I know that it is big and I am feeling more confidence that He may be calling me here longer term. I love you all!

Story of a Boy Part 2

2007-06-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the last day that I had to go to Matero to see the little boy whom I was giving penicillin injections. Every day that we have gone the family has invited us into their home and we were able to visit and share the gospel for about an hour or a little more. On several occassions, there were 4 or 5 people from the community who came to the house to also listen to the gospel. Even the little children stay inside to hear us read the Word of God.

You know, sometimes when you hear the message of Jesus for the first time, you just want to hear more. So that's what we did, we shared more and more, and everyone in the place listened intently. It turns out that the little boy's name is Christopher. He had told me at camp that his name was James, but that is in fact his older brother. The entire time that I have been seeing him, he has said about one word to me. He's very shy and I'm not sure what is going on with him, but he just sits in my lap and allows me to hold him the entire time I am there. Did I mention that he is one of the cutest little 6-year olds I have ever seen? Well, then again, they all are.

I hope to be able to post some pictures soon, but I have not yet had an opportunity. Christopher missed picture day so he didn't get a "snap" like all of his brothers (who also came to camp). So while I was there, I took a picture with him and his entire family and at some point this summer will get it to him so that he can hang it up on the wall. They were discussing trying to save some money in order to get a picture frame for it. So sweet!

On another note, some really crazy things have been happening at camp. I can tell you that this year is far more powerful than any other year that I have been. As you know, our theme is "victorious in Christ." Our sub-theme is "breaking the chains in Zambia." Let me just tell you, digging deep into the lives of these children and praying for the chains that are binding them to be broken....Satan is not happy. Several people have been witnesses to releasing demons, and although I have never personally witnessed this, I can tell you that it is very real here in Zambia. The number of children that are plagued by nightmares of eating raw meet, drinking blood, and being brought to a graveyard is phenomenal. Some children confess that they feel like someone is tugging at their throat and not allowing them to speak, or choking them, and they have physical marks on their bodies! I tell you, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't witnessed it for myself.

The exciting thing is that God really is breaking the bondage that these children are in, and I have seen some very powerful acts of God here. It is scary, and exciting all at the same time. I would love to write to you more later, but I have to get some zzzzzz's now. As always, I love you all and am so happy that you are traveling this journey with me!

Oddities of Zambia

2007-06-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

Bats....there are bats....everywhere! I here them all the night long, squeaking. They sound like child or dog toys.

Oh, and here in Zambia, the police can take you to jail for no reason at all. A week or so ago one of our drivers was harassed by the police. The police don't have to give you a reason for why they chose you, but then they start asking for money and you are demanded to give it to them. If you don't have it, you go to jail. If you do have it, they take it and then you go to jail. Crazy I tell you.

Oh, and tonight...the students were rioting outside of our compound because the government had not given them their lunch allowances. I'm not kidding. To top it all off, as punishment the city cut off the water to supply to the village so we now have no water. I'm really not joking about this...oh my goodness how different things are here!

In addition, today while we were having camp a former presidential candidate showed up with his political party to convene for a meeting. Nakatendi Hall had overbooked. This man's name is Sata and from what I can tell he is a very prideful man. They came in and started making all kinds of noise while we were having a teaching time for all of the teachers of each school. We were kind enough to move our meeting outside, but I stayed in to work with Adrian on a project. Sata's assistant demanded that Adrian and I come to speak with him. I informed him that we were in the middle of a project and could not be disturbed (really I was buying time to find Moses Zulu the FLMZ director). He looked very put out by this, but I didn't really care. He began yelling at one of the girls in my villa. He told her, "Why are you teaching these orphans about Jesus? They don't need Jesus, they need food."

I just wanted to tell him that I had witnessed what Jesus has done in the lives of these kids. In fact, I've personally witnessed that spiritual food is better for the child than physical food. Many of the children come crying that their stomachs ache after eating (because they are full). Now they definitely NEED the food, but physical food doesn't fulfill the child or make the children happy. Being loved in Christ does!

I've seen the boy with the burned/stoned finger again everyday since I last wrote to you. Everyday we have gone to give him injections and share the Word with his family. It's fascinating to me. People from all over the community come freely to here the teachings of Christ. Even the children are fixated on the teaching. No one talks, they just listen. It's like they are craving to here more. Then, when we are finished they will ask their questions.

Please continue praying for me. My health is not good, I am fighting off a cough and some respiratory issues. I think it's due to the pollution and dust here, as many others are experiencing the same. This happens to me every year, and my spirit is good. I just need prayers for energy and healing. Being closer to the equator and higher in elevation is causing many of the Americans to feel nauseous and drained of energy. Pray for our team. I have to run quickly and get to bed early for some much needed rest. I love you all!

Story of a Boy

2007-06-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

The first week of camp is officially over and I have so much to report that all I will say is...God never fails to amaze me. There are so many ways that God showed His glory and power that you will just have to ask me about them when I return.

What I want to tell you about this evening is the experience that I had today. On Wednesday, a little boy named Christopher came to see Gertrude and I at the nurse's station. His right pinky finger had been severely burned and was completely full of pus. It looked terrible. There was a big blister that had popped and pus was oozing everywhere. I want to be graphic because I want you to understand what it is that I saw. He reported that his friend had shoved his finger in a fire, but even that story could be false. You wouldn't believe me if I told you the lack of information that is available in this place.

So, Wednesday was his frist day to come to camp. We treated his finger and informed him that he needed to come back to see us. Thursday was shoe day, so it was to crazy to even see children at the nurse's station, so today we found James. His finger looked worse, pus was still oozing everywhere and wreaked of infection. Now, our nurse's station is strictly basic, cleaning and treating minor wounds, tylenol and advil for headaches, etc.

I knew immediately that I could do nothing for him. Luckily there is a clinic right down the street and I received permission from Greer to take him to the clinic. Gertrude and I took him to the clinic where we received some antibiotics and treatment for worms as well as some painkillers...all for the cost of $1.00! And yet still, no one bothers to take this child to the clinic! The depravity of these children is extraordinary. The nurse at the clinic told me that he would need to be getting penicillin injections for the next 5 days and that he would need to come to the clinic. Well of course, how am I supposed to make sure that his caregivers take him? This woman was extremely gracious and agreed to give me all of the shots so that I could go to Christopher's home and give them to him. Afterwards Gertrude informed me that this was extremely rare, and that God had blessed us through the nurse.

This afternoon, we traveled to his house (which involved alot of walking) to give his father instructions on giving him the medication. All the while we were walking, 40 or so kids just followed us around. I kept picking them up and holding them, greeting them in Nyanja (which they love) and loving them. When we finally arrived to Christopher's home, we met his father who is sick with Malaria. I spoke to him in the brief Nyanja that I knew and then Gertrude and Paul helped to translate. He warmly invited us into his home and informed us that Christopher had told him about the enitre day. He thanked us for what we had done. I gave him some instructions on how to give the medication and asked if I could come each day to give Christopher the injections. He kindly agreed and then we sat around and shared the Good News of Christ. We explained to him that in Christ he was loved, that he was accepted into God's family, secure if he believes faithfully, and that Christ offers freedom!

The expression on the man's face instantly changed from sadness to joy! He said that he wanted to have all of those things and Paul led him in prayer. We then offered to pray over him for his health and he accepted. The man thanked us repeatedly and said that he was looking forward to seeing us tomorrow.

This experience was beautiful for me. The teachers of the school came with us to the house, and they were able to witness Christians carrying out the word of God and they informed us that they were changed by their experience at camp this week. It was a joyful experience for all, and I love communing with people in the communities. I wish I could convey to you what it was like to be here, and travel all of the dusty dirt roads to seek out those who are hurting. Somehow this is wonderful to me, and the Lord continues to bless me extravagantly!

Community Schools

2007-06-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Mwachoma Bwanji! (Good afternoon)

Well, today is the second day of camp and I can honestly say that after being an administrator for two days, I have never given enough thanks and credit to those in full time ministry. It is tough. There are so many people to please, and so many great ideas that work....in theory. Practically those ideas are a nightmare. :) The Lord is definitely growing me and stretching me and I am glad for it.

Last Friday I was able to tag along with two of the discipleship leaders (Innocent and Naomi) to visit three of the community schools that are here for camp this week; Jesus Army, Restoration, Swesta, Ibex Hill, and Bethel. We went out to the schools to distribute tyvex, the paper arm band that all of the children must have on to come to camp life. Attendance at camp is based upon school attendance so that the discipleship leaders can follow up with the kids year round. Though some other children show up around the time of camp because they know it is coming, they are not allowed to come. Camp life is an incentive for school attendance and the discipleship leaders go to each school every day.

When we showed up we were invited to the small 8X8 room that was called the director's office. We greeted one another and then gave instructions on tyvex (remember last year some of the director's were selling them to community children to make money for themselves, very sad situation). After we were finished, we walked into several of the classrooms to visit the children. Innocent was the first to walk in and oh my goodness the children were so excited right away. They started yelling, Uncle Innocent, Uncle Innocent! Then Allan (another summer staffer) and I walked in and the kids went wild. As I have been practicing my Nyanja, I spoke a few sentences to them and they all laughed. They were taken off guard that I was able to speak Nyanja and absolutely love it when you try to speak their language. It also sounds funny because their accent is so different, although my Zambians tell me that my pronunciation is quite good. I am very happy to be able to have an extended period of time to learn and practice the language. The sounds are completely different from English.

I was so amazed that each school we went to, there was a similar reaction. You can tell that the children ADORE the discipleship leaders, and I know why. All of them are unflappable! They are full of love, patience, kindness and big smiles. They all are such a joy to be around and I am so very blessed by their presence. There are more Americans than ever this year, but I find myself wanting to spend more time in community with the Zambians. I have so much to learn from them, and they have such beautfiul spirts, always giving the glory to God for everything. I am very encouraged when I spend time with them.

So as we went around to the schools I realized what a special time it is for the kids when they are able to come to camp. Their faces light up when we talk about camp. We travel in blue, volkswagon type vans that are labeled "His Bus". When the children saw us arriving, they all began chanting "his bus, his bus, his bus." When we walked into the classroom, they all began singing camp life songs.

I just cannot tell you how overjoyed I am to be here, to love these kids, to love these people. I am so thankful for God's provision in my life and for the amazing opportunity to experience community with my Zambian brothers and sisters. I have so much more to say, but my time is limited. I hope to be able to write to you soon regarding the first days of Camp! Nikukonda (I love you). Tizaounana Mailo (see you later).

Visiting Lifeway Christian School

2007-05-31T14:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings my friends! Today has been an extremely long day, and I am exhausted. Yet I couldn't wait to get here tonight and write to you about the amazing day I had yesterday.

Yesterday we visited the Lifeway Christian School. This is a school that Family Legacy started last August for grades 8-12 along with providing them group housing with a house parent. Children in Zambia have to pay money for school beyond grade 7. 39 kids were selected to come and participate in grade 8 at Lifeway. So yesterday, we went to visit them.

Now they are currently on break, even though the other schools in Zambia attend year round. The kids made a special trip to school so that we could see them. With us we brought brand new school books, backpacks, notebooks and pencils. I have video that I wish I could show you, because the kids hooped and hollered over those items! One boy, named Abram, just kept rubbing his head and covering his face over and over again. It was beautiful.

We then were able to go and see the kid's homes. There are three homes, one girl's home and two boys. All of these children were chosen from the poorer community schools to attend Lifeway. All 39 of the kids were sponsored by Americans, so that they would be able to attend school and have full-time housing for free. Most of them are double oprhans, which means they do not have any parents. You would not believe how thankful these children are for the opportunity to attend school, not to mention being removed from their abusive situations.

On the way to the houses, everyone rode in the back of an open bed 18-wheeler. It was great! The men seranaded us with Zambian praise songs, and I was able to sing along with the ones that I knew. I cannot convey to you the beauty of the Zambian's singing and the look of joy that comes across their faces when they worship. It is a moment that I will tuck away to be sure, and enjoy over and over again.

The girls house has one big bedroom with about 10 bunk beds. The houses are very quaint, but kept very clean. There is running water in the house so that they are able to easily cook and clean, which they are taught to do for themselves. Two of the discipleship leaders, Chilufya and Naomi are the house moms. At the boy's houses, they had planted Chinese cabbage and had a plot of land that was available for more planting.

Each of the boys houses has 2-3 rooms, only about 12X10 and contain approximately 4-5 beds. They are practically on top of each other, but I guess boys don't care about that. The children were so excited to have us come to where they live and I had the opportunity to speak with several of them about what they are learning. Their English is getting quite good, and one boy Cephas was telling me that they were exploring Genesis in their Bible classes.

I don't know how many of you have seen my Camp Life video, but if you have....this is for you. The little boy who is crying and singing on the video.....Kelvin is His name. Well, he is quite a few years older now but he is in the school and quite possibly the most precious boy I have ever seen. He is quiet and humble, but so incredibly full of the Holy Spirit that he makes everyone around him joyful. He has the heart of a servant.

The girls were thrilled to have us also. One in particular attended camp life last year and told Susan (Greer's wife) that she was about to be taken by her auntie and uncle who abused her. Susan prayed with her that God would rescue her from her situation and the girl was tormented. However, she was chosen to attend Lifeway, but we did not have the names of the children attending the school so we did not know she was there. Well, she ran up to Susan and said, "Do you remember me?" Well of course Susan did, and the girl was telling us that she thanks God so much for rescuing her from having to live with her abusive auntie and uncle, and how the girls in her home were her family!

My heart overflows in thanksgiving for what God has done in these children. I am thankful to be able to take part in this project and bring the Word to these kids, who need it more than anything. I anticipate when they will grow to be adults and be raised up to be the leaders of their country. I long for the day when they will go on and make many disciples and transform their governments and churches into bodies that glorify Christ.

I have noticed that our Zambian brothers and sisters are much more quick to attribute all of the work to the Lord. For example, when Greer commended Bwalyia (he is the principal) for doing an incredible job with the kids, his response was: "Oh, I did nothing, it was all the work of the Lord." And....he MEANT it. He wasn't just giving lip service, his heart was genuine and sincere. I think that it what I love about these people. Just when i think I've got the humility thing down, my fellow believers show me that I need to be giving much more of the credit in my life to Christ.

It is good to praise the Lord
and make music to your name,
O Most High,

to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.

For you make me glady by your deeds,
O Lord;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands
How great are your works, Oh Lord.
How profound are your thoughts!

Mwachoma Bwanji

2007-05-29T04:31:00.000-07:00

Mwachoma bwanji (good afternoon)! Today I am writing you from Spar, which is the grocery store here in Zambia. As I sit in this cafe, i can hear at least 4 or 5 different languages being spoken. I love that.

So this week has been full of more preparation for the American volunteers which will be arriving on Saturday. A hand full arrived this morning, but were shipped off immediately to their tour of Victoria Falls. When they return they will be rested and cured of jet lag and ready to give their hearts to the orphans!

Every Sunday, we attend church here in Zambia and this week we went to Lifeline Community Church where my favorite Pator Eddies speaks from the pulpit. Unfortunately, he was not here this week and the associate pastor gave the sermon. He kind of lost me halfway through, but his main message really touched me. The premise was that "if you knew what God had put into the person next to you, you would treat them better than you do."

I started to realize that if I just considered this along with how we are called to love each other as Jesus loved us...how much more fruitful and joyful my life would be. That we are called to encourage and support one another, and if we realized what God wanted to do in each person that we encountered, how much fruitful we as a people would be. We would be spurring each other to our fullest potential. There is definitely not enough of that going around. Just a thought.

I love the Zambian church. It is so alive with spirit. There is acapella singing, there is dancing, there is rejoicing and there is praying aloud...alot of it. It is such a beautiful experience to be able to see another culture worship their God. It is a little glimpse of what heaven will be like when a people from every tribe, tongue and nation come before the throne and worship. Nothing could make my heart more happy.

I am hoping that tomorrow is the day that I will be able to go with one of the Zambian discipleship leaders to the schools. I am very excited to see all of the children, and hear all of their singing again. I want to live a day in the life of one of the Zambians, and be able to take part in it.

I just found out that we will not be returning to the INternational School for camp. A new principle has taken over and he will not allow us to come there because we are a Christian organization and he is an atheist. This is very sad, because the ISL is one of the BEST places to host camp life. Instead we retreat to Nakatendi Hall for then entire summer, in the middle of downtown and it is much smaller. Perhaps the Lord has chosen this as a better place to witness. We will see.

I have noticed that Lusaka is becoming a more prominent place to be. The Zambian money (called Kwacha) is getting a better exchange rate these days, and prices are continuing to rise. I hope that this is a good change and will affect the people of Lusaka, and not just the government.

Last night we met a lady who works with a program that tries to get street kids off the street. The numbers of them are increasing every day and there are more street kids here than ever before. OH, if we could only have the Tree of Life Village built now, so that we would have a place to love and house them. There are so many problems here. The community schools are very poor, the teachers who teach there sometimes only have the equivalent of 3rd or 4th grade education. The children are only able to attend school for a few hours a day, even then you can imagine the quality is very poor. The children are continuously moved from extended relative to extended relative, making it difficult to stay in one place, and therefore one school. Or they are removed from school to go and "work." For girls, that means mostly prostitution and for boys, breaking rocks. Please continue praying with me for these children.

Next week we will be teaching them how to be VICTORIOUS in Christ! Mulungu aku dalise muzanga (God bless you my friend). I love you all, and I hope to be writing again soon!

Mwenda mushi, (go well)

Tasting Nshima

2007-05-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

This is the beginning of my zambia 2007 blog journey!

This weekend from Friday to Sunday is a Zambian holiday. Actually, the weekend represents independence for 7 different African nations. Last night many of the local churches in the area held overnight prayer sessions in light of the holiday.

Today there was a preparation/training meeeting for all of the local Zambian volunteers which was held at Mulungushi Conference Center. It was very exciting to be on the other side of Camp Life, and to see how the Zambian volunteers are prepared for what they will experience this summer. I was able to reunite with some of my most favorite Zambian ladies, Doris and Elizabeth as well as nurse Gertrude.

As always, the Zambians never fail to impress with their beautiful singing and powerful prayer. I continue to learn more about how to pray more powerfully and be joyful in any given circumstance. They are amazing, and I love being able to learn from them. This year's theme for Camp is "You are free and victorious in Christ." The idea is that each day we are going to teach the kids a truth that opposes the lies they believe. This year is going to be more amazing than any year previously, and we were able to get excited with the Zambians about the message Christ will bring in 2007! May Jesus name alone be exalted in our work this summer.

Day 1: you are hated...lie
you are loved in Christ...truth
Day 2: you are rejected....lie
you are accepted into the family of Christ.....truth
Day 3: you are worthless....lie
you are significant in Christ...truth
Day 4: you are lost...lie
you are secure in Christ...truth
Day 5: you are VICTORIOUS with Christ in you! Absolute truth, praise God!

You can know when you look in their faces, but Doris made it very personal for me today when she shared about her own personal life. She and her brother are both orphans and despite the fact that their parents have been gone for quite sometime, she says that it is difficult even now because she has no one to look after her or support her. She experiences rejection, feeling lost and hatred everyday. These lies are extremely real for the Zambians...every...single...day and it is sometimes hard for me to relate to. Yet I am able to experience some of their sorrow each day and be their light of Christ with encouragement. Doris is one of the most joyful and genuine people I know, always carries a huge smile on her face.

Today, I learned how to eat nshima properly from my friends Paul and Elizabeth. Nshima is also called "mealie meal" and is a type of corn meal made into a mashed potato-like substance. I have tried it before from the market, but it was incredibly salty. Today's nshima was much more tasty and I received double portions thanks to my friend Paul who instructed me to ask for "bevlla," which means "more please." I admit it, he tricked me. It blessed him because I made him eat my leftovers so as not to waste anything. It was all very amusing.

Elizabeth continues teaching me Nyanja and says that my pronunciation is becoming quite good. I love the friends I have made here and so enjoy being able to cherish and spend time with them. After meeting with the Zambians today, I feel that the transition is happening smoothly. When I spend time with them, I remember all of the things that I love about this place and why I come to teach and share the Light within me. To share hope and love with the hopeless, and those who feel they are without love.

I also received some very tragic news about one of my girls from last year. One of the discipleship leaders informed me that she went to the school last week to see the children, and was told to visit the mother of one of my girls (Esther). There she was informed that Esther passed away last week. I don't know much regarding the cause of her death. To be honest, most of her family probably do not know much more either. The burial has already been held, but hopefully I will be able to visit her mother sometime next week and have time to pray with her. I am not sure it that will be possible, but I would like to try. In the meantime, I am praying through how to grieve and cope with the loss of a child I loved so much, but knew only for the weeks that I visited here. In that respect, it makes it very hard to leave again, feeling as if I am abandoning them. I find myself knowing that I am only the planter, and Jesus is responsible for the rest, but this thought doesn't make it easier to cope. My only hope is that this one was reached for Christ before her death. She knew the joy of being in love with Jesus, and I can rejoice in that.

On a hopeful note, I was able to meet Esther Ruth Zulu. I mentioned to several of you a while back that the director of Family Legacy here in Zambia was pregnant. She delivered the baby in December, and I can honestly say that she is the cutest chocolate baby I have ever seen! Extremely mild mannered, and definitely wins the hearts of those who surround her!